I totally get why you are so frustrated and it's not working for you. I have no idea what a standard basal or a standard ratio is and I have no interest, because I'm not standard and nor are you! Of course the "standards" aren't working for you - you're unique and you need your pump settings to be bespoke to you. The DSNs will be able to help in that process.
Personally, I've seen my DSN once since starting pump. I have made all the changes myself when I could see they weren't working for me.
I had read pumping insulin, I had looked at the user guide. I have a dexcom. So I'm perfectly competent to titrate basal myself, adjust my ratios, correction factor, insulin duration, insulin per hour limit (ok I had to call my life for help with that one) and make all the necessary changes without input from DSN. But do discuss this with your DSN and do the learning so that you have the power and ability to, safely, make the changes yourself - hopefully that will reduce the frustration
Just because extended bolus is available doesn't mean it has to be used for every meal! I probably wouldn't bother for a wrap. Just for something that's both very carby and very fatty (pizza/lasagne) or something especially low gi (brown rice/lentils/pulses).
I think
@noblehead or
@tim2000s has a link with information on the benefits of pre blousing. Definitely worth thinking about.
Didn't you mention before you would like to train to be a DSN? Maybe it would help to think of yourself and getting used to the pump as a training project.