So I got diagnosed with T1 a couple of weeks ago, and at first I was surprisingly OK with it. Obviously I was shocked as it's a pretty rare disease, and I thought I was past the most common age for diagnosis, but at the time I just wanted to get out of hospital. I went back to uni the Monday after I was discharged and normality resumed.
However, lately I've just been so angry at everything. I know I shouldn't be as everyone around me has been really supportive and there are worst things that could have happened. It's just that it's all so
unfair. I know that's how life is but seriously, the chances of me getting this were 17 in 100,000 - that's 0.017%. Yeah, maybe I should go buy a lottery ticket.
People keep telling me that it will get easier, and I believe them. But easier is a comparative....it's never going to be
easy, and Iife's already hard enough as it is without this thrown in the mix. It dawned on me the other day that I will never "get better", there won't be a recovery, I'm just going to have to deal with this every single day for the rest of my life. It's rather sad when you realise that you can literally die by eating.
I'm scared because it's a chronic condition with the cure still a good ten years away (at least), I'm scared because I'm a recovered anorexic who used to suffer from anxiety/depression and this is going to make everything bad again. I'm stressed because it's March already and my end of year exams are less than two months away and I don't have the time to go to endless GP appointments and clinics even though I know they're necessary.
It annoys me that there are so many foods out there that I haven't tried and now I probably can't. It really irks me that my stomach is now a plateau of small bruises (yes, I'm very vain

). I'm just so sick of everything and I would sell my soul to have a normal functioning pancreas that produces insulin.
The worst thing is I'm a biomed student so I know exactly what's going to happen if I don't manage my diabetes properly. I also know that even with proper management I might still get complications. Because even if it's a small percentage, I'm part of the 0.017%.
(Sorry that this is basically a reeeeally long rant)
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