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trying to help partner

M

michelep

Member
Messages
5
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
I do not have diabetes
Hi, my partner was diagnosed with type 2 around 3 years ago, we now live together and are getting married in a few months. The trouble is he is driving me mad! He works nights and comes home at around 4am. He then smokes about 10 cigarettes and drinks 2-4 cans of lager. He is also not eating regularly or healthily. I have done so much to try to make sure he eats well, preparing healthy dinners and a packed lunch for work. I have begged him to stop smoking and to cut down on the drinking but he seems unable to. It is causing a lot of arguments as I am worried for his health in the future. He is 48. He is already impotent and has the start of eye problems. Any suggestions??
 
Any diabetes tablets or insulin?
 
He takes metformin 2x500mg twice a day, but doesn't always take the evening dose, and januvia 100mg. He does test but not regularly. Generally his readings are good and the doctors don't seem to have concerns at his check ups
 
It sounds to me that he needs to grow up , he doesn't give a damb about his self , and sorry for this but he can't give a s...t about you ether.
My advice and I know I shouldn't say this I mean no offence find your self a new man .
If he is willing to help himself we will try to give him all the help and support we can sorry for being so blunt
 
Harsh but fair. He definitely needs to grow up. I think the problem is that hes never fully accepted that he has diabetes. When I try to explain the risks of what hes doing he just brushes it off. I know its up to him to make the changes and I can't police what he does, specially at 4am! I suppose I just came to this forum to see if my concerns were justified and if other people with diabetes find it difficult to change their habits.
 
Diabetes is a life changing disease. Some of us take to it like a duck to water, others like myself grieve for the life we used to have, but in the end we have to come to terms with it. Some take longer than others. Diabetes sucks, it's a pain in the backside, but we're stuck with it and unless we take it seriously we risk serious complications or even worse................Playing ostrich with your head in the sand is no answer. We only have one bite of this cherry, one life. He owes it to the ones he loves and love him to come to grips with diabetes. I'm new to this game, just 6 months in, but there are plenty of people who have managed to live with it for years and in some cases 50 years. Diabetes won't go away, however much we wish it would. We all just have to get on with it and lead as nearly normal lives as we can.
 
Hi. What a difficult position for both of you. Can you give us some idea of the food he is actually eating and whether he is overweight or not. You may not have the number available but it would be useful to know his last HBa1C test result. I suspect he is angry about the diabetes and it's effects.
 
Because he works nights his eating times are all over the place.
He gets up at lunchtime and has breakfast - normally toast (white) often with jam/peanut butter, or 3 weetabix. A couple of hours later he'll have a banana. Quite often he'll have tea and a couple of chocolate biscuits.
He goes to work at 5/6pm so I try to make sure he eats before he goes out. I try to make it healthy as poss - chicken, salad, veg etc but it varies a lot. He takes a packed lunch of sandwich (corned beef or ham with pickle) , crisps and fruit (normally orange or apple) . He'll often get something else like another sandwich, or burger while at work. Then he'll come in at 3/4am ish, drink and smoke and then just go to bed without eating or taking his tablets.. He is slightly overweight but nothing major.
 
It sounds like you have a struggle on your hands. The hours he works must make it difficult to get regular eating in and i wonder if it is just a habit he has of always eating/drinking/smoking at those times. This might sound daft but have you both sat amd talked about his diabetes and how he feels and how you feel. When my husband was diagnosed i struggled to accept it far more than he did strangely enough maybe because i work in a diabetes centre i see all of the worst things that can happen and it terrified me to think that my hubby could end up like that.
Would your partner let you go to appointments with him so that you can be aware of what is discussed and you could voice your concerns? He is lucky to have somebody who is switched on and wants to help. Make small changes dont try to get him to stop smoking and cut out the drink at the same time maybe cutting down 1st but it will all only work if he wants to do it. Good luck
 
I suppose the most frustrating thing is that we talk about it a lot, he knows exactly how I feel and he says he wants to change. He promises to cut down and not drink/smoke every night, but I get up every day to the smell of smoke and empty cans - (some hidden)!
Thank you for the advice. I will make small changes and get off his back a bit and see what happens
 
michelep said:
Harsh but fair. He definitely needs to grow up. I think the problem is that hes never fully accepted that he has diabetes. When I try to explain the risks of what hes doing he just brushes it off. I know its up to him to make the changes and I can't police what he does, specially at 4am! I suppose I just came to this forum to see if my concerns were justified and if other people with diabetes find it difficult to change their habits.
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Sorry for the last reply it is difficult but I'd been smoking for 47 years and stopped I loved a drink and stopped yes it's hard but I still have a life to live a lot of things to do and a lot of love to share
 
If he really wants to try giving up smoking and HE must want to there's a tab on perspiration called CHAMPIX which could help if the doc agrees , it cuts out the craving and it worked well for me get him to try it
 
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