You have a wonderful talent for painting. I hope you dont mind me saying but i feel your father may for some reason have been jealous of your talent. You have risen above it and continued in the path you were destined to travel on, painting to give so many enjoyment.Fbg 6.9 at 4am
Thank you for your words yesterday @Muddy Cyclist &your painting is brilliant And thanks @SaskiaKC & for the humour with the 'mister', and thanks @Barb McD @PenguinMum @HarryBeau @Krystyna23040 @ianpspurs and anyone else I might have missed out
I was not in a good place, it was an incident on Sunday, an ongoing one for years, and it is the feeling of powerlessness because I cannot physically do anything about it...but I constantly try. Maybe I should give up trying.
There is another deeper root to all this. When I was a teenager, my father tore up all my paintings and artwork telling me I was useless etc etc. I was only a girl he said who would make nothing of her life. I went into a depression for the first time, a deep depression for over a year. Psychiatrists were bl**dy useless and compounded the issue. So, at various points, for various reasons I can spiral into depression. And this can go on for months. It is like trying to claw your way out of an impossibly bottomless hopeless pit. I found in the last few years that if I went to bed immediately when the feeling got bad, and did not try to soldier through the depression, then I could get out of it far quicker.
I am still feeling very vulnerable today, but what got me out of the depression last night, was a message from a total stranger. I belong to postcrossing as I have said before (I think), and random people send postcards to random strangers. You are given the address by Postcrossing. Anyway when I got her address a week ago, I looked at her bio I saw that she requested the postcard be put into an envelope if possible so it wouldn't be damaged (a lot of postcards do get damaged in the postal service), and she mentioned she was a single mum with a small daughter who liked pigs, and various other things she liked like mermaids etc. So I put in a postcard of a cute piglet, decorated the back of the card with stickers of the things the daughter liked. And I enclosed various stickers for the daughter to use herself, and there was more stuff I out in...erm a small postcard sized painting I had done, and more. I was only meant to send just the postcard!
But I had made someone and her daughter's day. They got this surprise envelope with these goodies inside. And she sent me the most wonderful message. Tears came to my eyes. I needed that yesterday.
So remember, any kindnesses you do will come back to you oneday. And it is beautiful when they do.
Okay, so here is my painting for this morning. I struggle each time I start a painting. I get very frustrated and believe it is useless and stupid. I do know my paintings can be good. But I don't and cannot see that. I can still remember more than half a century later the paintings my father tore up. There was one I really liked. It was a sunset with the black silhouettes of nettles in the front. I might recreate it one day.
I don't like today's painting and I still don't like yesterday's either. They are getting too dark. I think they are.
So this is the end of the line for for acrylics for the moment. I need a change of direction. I don't know what yet. I will find out tomorrow morning.
View attachment 38924
Have a good day
Do what you want to do. To h*ll with others...
Hugs if you would like some
Take care
Hey Saskia that sounds so complex I dont even know what to say. I am always perturbed by matresses but I have to admit tnat our best mattress was the mosrt expensive but the base was not as imporant...but just our experience! But totally feel free to ignore me!
Love silver birch trees @gennepher there is one just across the way from us. Find their bark so usual and beautiful.Okay...
Fbg at 3:20 am is 7.1
when I went to make a cuppa early yesterday evening, I came back to the couch to find a totally fast asleep cat, Popeye, between my Berber fleece blankets. I wasn't going to disturb him, and so I took myself off to bed, expecting Popeye to rouse himself (he usually does when he realises I have gone to another location) and come and settle n the bed. But he didn't. So that was me waking up every couple of hours to check he was okay. He always seems to be awake normally, literally checking on me.
3am I went and checked on him again. He was definitely breathing (he is old, though doesn't act or look it, 28 in May he will be). Went back to bed, and moments later someone is mithering me, patting my face with his paw. So, we go off to the kitchen because he probably wants to use the cat tray after such a sound sleep (the kitchen door is always kept shut at night, I do shut all doors at night for fire safety, but if Popeye has decided to sleep in another room, then I leave interconnecting door open so he can reach me.
So, I am up very early painting...
This morning I tried doing two paintings at once. They are on totally different papers. One is the A5 sketch book I am using which is a mixed media paper. The other is a blank white index card.
The mixed media paper absorbs the watercolour paints and they look more hazy, which is a great effect for some subjects. The index card is not absorbent, the watercolours sit more on the surface, making the painting a little darker (which is what I was aiming for), and because of the nature of the index card (not meant for painting on) I cannot work into the painting in the same way as I do with the mixed media paper. But that is fine, I just have to find ways of working round it to get the effects I want.
The reason I am going small is because I belong to Postcrossing where random strangers send random strangers a picture postcard. The site issues you with an address. More people are asking for a handmade card on their bio. And I would like to do that. But send a painting. The painting will have to be postcard sized. And the reason why I am doing it on index card is so that I can glue it on a conventional postcard so I can post it. Some people still want you to send the postcard as a conventional postcard, others want you to put it in an envelope to protect it.
Anyway, over the last month, I have mailed myself a few of my paintings literally exposed on the postcard. They were pasted on to the postcard. I wanted to see if it was feasible without damage. To test it further, I out it in a postbox exposed to the elements on a Saturday, and it wouldn't get collected until the Monday afternoon. Each postcard survived out postal system intact and no damage at all to the exposed painting. One was a minimalist acrylic painting of Mount Fuji, another was a Chinese black ink drawing, the third was a collage of my painting to create something different...so it is feasible. I do have loads of ideas, far too many...I used to think ideas would run out, but they don't, ideas are unlimitless...they are are bottomless pit...
View attachment 39027
Top one is sketch book. Bottom one is index card.
I will do this for a few days, two a day to see how it goes.
Now to get started with the day...I have some work I promised to do for someone...
Have fun
Take care
Hugs if you would like some...
Wonderful idea!I have just opened an envelope from another post crossing person.
It is beautiful. She has sent me not one postcard but two, and a bookmark with a quote either side, and two teabags!!
Just going to make the camomile and lavender one! And some lovely messages and quotes she likes on the other side of the postcard.
Here is the photo.
View attachment 38935
Hi @DJC3
Sorry your Parkrun didn't happen...
Thanks for your idea, but when I am painting these particular landscapes they are very wet in wet and it leaks round to the other side of the card, so it would mess up the front of the postcard with paint. However, I have some other painting ideas which don't involve so much paint, and they might be able to go direct on to the postcard... I hope so! Less work then.
I have never painted on or decorated postcards before, it is a completely new thing for me.
That is absolutely dreadful @gennepher. It is totally unacceptable and unethical.. I keep all specialist letters, but my GP over rode them all. I got a patients advocate, but that took months of negotiation, and then the GP refuse to co-operate.
Sounds like you won the day despite the non-run.I would love to see some rare breed pigs. I love pigs but have only ever gotten to see any on a few occasions. I remember the first hog I saw in the flesh looked more like a cow -- huge and black, and I was about 6 or 7. He was definitely not a Babe!
I learned something very valuable about mattresses -- you can try a Euro-top hybrid of one brand at one store, then go to another store and try a Euro-top hybrid of a different brand, and you would never know they were both Euro-top hybrids if not for their labels. At the first store I decided I wanted a good old traditional classic innerspring (sprung) firm mattress; at the second store the same type of mattress was so hard it hurt my shoulders and arms, while a softer hybrid mattress felt so good I was about to fall asleep on it while my neighbor was asking about two-sided mattresses. At the first store, the soft hybrid mattresses were too soft, I felt as if my nose was being swallowed up!
So -- conclusion from today's lesson -- just buy whatever mattress I can afford online and expect it to be as comfortable as every other mattress I have ever slept on for the past 67 1/2 years.
It’s really hard to decide isn’t it? They all sound so good and until you spend a night sleeping on one it’s not really possible to know for sure. I think you’re right, just buy the best you can afford.
This picture was the girls favourite. I think it was a Gloucester Old Spot. As you say it was huge View attachment 39044
for those with an interest.
The republic of ireland just joined the party
oh and my FBG was 5.4 this am..back on the plains of Love after yesterdays little wander.,
Thank you very much @DebandezYou have a wonderful talent for painting. I hope you dont mind me saying but i feel your father may for some reason have been jealous of your talent. You have risen above it and continued in the path you were destined to travel on, painting to give so many enjoyment.
I absolutely adore silver birches @Ryhia especially in spring and winter.Love silver birch trees @gennepher there is one just across the way from us. Find their bark so usual and beautiful.
Unexpected nice snail mail @Debandez is always very welcome, unlike e-mails.Wonderful idea!
I remember going on holiday to Braunston a few years ago. Stayed in 'romantic cottage' found on Ebay. Went for a nice walk and noticed something on a bench near the church. It was a book. It had a note attached 'take me read me and pass me on'. It was trackable online. I sent it to my cousin in Dublin. Loved this concept.
I also write to my auntie in Dublin every week. Have done for years. Since my mum passed. Took over her role in keeping the correspondence going. One of the highlights of our week = seeing postie coming up with a special delivery!
You will find it goes on @Krystyna23040 far more than people realise....That is absolutely dreadful @gennepher. It is totally unacceptable and unethical.
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