Worst date ever!

[ClareyClareyClare]

like us diabetics need to feel more like freaks with reactions like that! So immature. If I'm with someone squeamish I show them the needle and they realise its nothing, that they can barely see it. Luckily my friends are used to seeing me inject, and my boyfriend happens to be type 1 too which makes me feel more at ease.

 

[Grkify]

Thank you everyone for your responses both on the forum and on the facebook group they were all very supportive, bar the odd nutter but you always get those. The amount of people that seem to think I should hide away in the toilets has surprised me a little. I understand if some people chose to but not the people that seem to think its the only place it should be done when out. Although looking on facebook a majority seemed to be a lot older most retires and judging by there facebooks people that make a hobby out of complaining so not to bothered

 

[Jaylee]

The flip side of the coin for me was a dodgy goth chick freak of a girl who took too much of an interest in the mundane impaling & bloodletting.... She almost got off on it.. Start the car..!? Lol

 

[Juicyj]

Yikes I feel for you, however hiding away in a loo to inject is not the right answer. There always going to be squeamish people around and/or drama queens who get a little over excited. I was once very shy about injecting in public, but now I dont even bother mentioning it to anyone around me and just crack in with it under the table, in restaurants, meetings, whenever I need to do it and just carry on talking whilst injecting.

Don't let this affect or influence what you do in future, the right girl won't care about what you do, she will care that your ok and your looking after yourself so injecting will have very little impact on your relationship

 

[Adelle0607]

Thank you everyone for your responses both on the forum and on the facebook group they were all very supportive, bar the odd nutter but you always get those. The amount of people that seem to think I should hide away in the toilets has surprised me a little. I understand if some people chose to but not the people that seem to think its the only place it should be done when out. Although looking on facebook a majority seemed to be a lot older most retires and judging by there facebooks people that make a hobby out of complaining so not to bothered

No need to worry, you'll meet a girl who won't mind your condition and will in fact, even embrace it. By then, you'll know that she's a keeper

Dating is like that, no expectations should be given on a first date. It doesn't mean rejection outright, or something's wrong with either one of you, but it just means that it hasn't worked out . Eventually you'll find someone who will like you as you are, and it'll all make sense. Sounds cheesy but it's true, though!

 

[lizdeluz]

Yikes I feel for you, however hiding away in a loo to inject is not the right answer. There always going to be squeamish people around and/or drama queens who get a little over excited. I was once very shy about injecting in public, but now I dont even bother mentioning it to anyone around me and just crack in with it under the table, in restaurants, meetings, whenever I need to do it and just carry on talking whilst injecting.

Don't let this affect or influence what you do in future, the right girl won't care about what you do, she will care that your ok and your looking after yourself so injecting will have very little impact on your relationship

Good one. Yeah, inject discreetly, ie not showing my stomach, bum, thigh, so I'm not contravening the rules of polite company, ..... Might mean injecting through tights, trousers,
t-shirt, .... And I don't look at the person or people with me, so they don't get the impression that I'm expecting a reaction. I'm expecting them to be calm, out of politeness to me. I can carry on the current conversation, can even fill in my bs diary while continuing to converse about whatever. If they don't like the fact I have to inject, that is their prerogative .... and their loss,

 

[MushyPeaBrain]

Whilst I think her reaction was daft I do have to say that for all the people waving the "I'm a diabetic and proud" flag I think they forget there are a lot of needle phobic people out there and this should be taken into account too. Common decency means that if you can't inject discreetly (especially when people are eating) then pop to the loo. I would never dream of grabbing a needle and injecting in front of a new date. That was a privilege saved for further down the line when I trusted someone.

My first serious boyfriend was needle phobic and so I never injected in front of him. We managed a happy relationship for 5 years because I never pushed my injecting onto him. I am now the proud mum of a 5 year old boy who has special needs. In his short life he has been to hospital many times and due to all the tests is petrified of needles. What would these "rub your injection in their face" people say to my son if he saw them inject and burst into tears and screaming through fear? That he should just lump it?

Acceptance is what we all crave but it goes both ways and people should remember that.

 

[Lottie89]

I was on a date the other month with a guy that I've been friends with for a couple of years and had dated at the start of our friendship. I'd only been diagnosed for 5 months, it was my first date since diagnosis and I wasn't sure what to do. I thought sod it I'm not skulking to the toilet to hide myself like there's something wrong with me, he knows about it and I trust him. I discretely injected after my meal and his response was 'EEUURGH YOU FREAK.' Initially I was so shocked and embarrassed and wanted the earth to swallow me up but then I thought hold on a minute how dare you speak to me like that! God forbid one day out of the blue your pancreas should stop working and you have to deal with the daily **** that we have to. So I gave him a telling off and embarrassed him for his behaviour- he apologised... But now wonders why I keep declining his other offers of a date! Haha

I then dated a guy a little while later and felt very self conscious of injecting in front of him. I didn't want to be labeled a freak again so I would always turn away or leave the room. He noticed and asked me why, and told me not to be embarrassed or hide it from him. He'd often ask if my bloods were okay out of the blue and make sure I had my stuff with me. Unfortunately it didn't work out but what I'm trying to say is this is the sort of person you want, someone who cares and not someone who will judge you or belittle you. You are lucky that she showed her true colours so soon before you developed feelings for her... Saved you a lot of heart ache

I'm now 8months into diagnosis and went on another first date tonight. I've not told him I'm diabetic yet... At what point do you tell a person? Who knows how he will react but I take comfort in the thought that if he doesn't except me for me then he is not worth my time in the first place and one day I will find someone who is.

Chin up, I'm sure there are plenty of girls who would love to date you... If anything you now have the perfect devise to screen out all the bad ones so you have more time to concentrate on the good ones! Have fun xxxx

 

[tim2000s]

In terms of when you tell someone? First time of meeting was always my rule of thumb. You never know when you are going to have to do something unusual, so if early on they don't accept that it's part of you, there will always be the potential for an issue!

 

[PepperTed]

I think I told my husband the first time we went on a date which involved eating. I said I was going to inject and asked if he was scared of needles, which he wasn't. Most of my friends found out the same way. I've been diabetic so long that it's just a part of life, and it doesn't occur to me to tell people about it unless there's a specific reason.

If someone was needle-phobic, I would warn them before I got the needle out so they could look the other way or excuse themselves. Unless it was a child or someone who couldn't move away, I would expect them to take action to make themselves comfortable, rather than expect me to slink off to the toilets to take life saving medication.

 

[Sideburnt]

Yep! She started leaving me out - not inviting me to nights out and when others questioned it she said I wouldn't want to go as I couldn't drink and then things got awkward and we drifted apart. Not what I expected at all. I thought she'd be the one to support me and serve dinner with the carbs calculated! Oh well ...


Sent from the Diabetes Forum App

Some friendships are pretty selfish, and you don't appreicate how so until something tests it. I had the same thing happen to my wife when her dad got cancer. Some of her closest friends that she'd helped through and been there for during their own crisis suddenly became unavailable and distant. It made me so angry for her.

 

[lizdeluz]

I think I told my husband the first time we went on a date which involved eating. I said I was going to inject and asked if he was scared of needles, which he wasn't. Most of my friends found out the same way. I've been diabetic so long that it's just a part of life, and it doesn't occur to me to tell people about it unless there's a specific reason.

If someone was needle-phobic, I would warn them before I got the needle out so they could look the other way or excuse themselves. Unless it was a child or someone who couldn't move away, I would expect them to take action to make themselves comfortable, rather than expect me to slink off to the toilets to take life saving medication.

Good points, and also, as has already been mentioned, injecting can be done very discreetly at the table, so that others can't be sure what, if anything, you are doing.

 

[Robinredbreast]

I was on a date the other month with a guy that I've been friends with for a couple of years and had dated at the start of our friendship. I'd only been diagnosed for 5 months, it was my first date since diagnosis and I wasn't sure what to do. I thought sod it I'm not skulking to the toilet to hide myself like there's something wrong with me, he knows about it and I trust him. I discretely injected after my meal and his response was 'EEUURGH YOU FREAK.' Initially I was so shocked and embarrassed and wanted the earth to swallow me up but then I thought hold on a minute how dare you speak to me like that! God forbid one day out of the blue your pancreas should stop working and you have to deal with the daily **** that we have to. So I gave him a telling off and embarrassed him for his behaviour- he apologised... But now wonders why I keep declining his other offers of a date! Haha

I then dated a guy a little while later and felt very self conscious of injecting in front of him. I didn't want to be labeled a freak again so I would always turn away or leave the room. He noticed and asked me why, and told me not to be embarrassed or hide it from him. He'd often ask if my bloods were okay out of the blue and make sure I had my stuff with me. Unfortunately it didn't work out but what I'm trying to say is this is the sort of person you want, someone who cares and not someone who will judge you or belittle you. You are lucky that she showed her true colours so soon before you developed feelings for her... Saved you a lot of heart ache

I'm now 8months into diagnosis and went on another first date tonight. I've not told him I'm diabetic yet... At what point do you tell a person? Who knows how he will react but I take comfort in the thought that if he doesn't except me for me then he is not worth my time in the first place and one day I will find someone who is.

Chin up, I'm sure there are plenty of girls who would love to date you... If anything you now have the perfect devise to screen out all the bad ones so you have more time to concentrate on the good ones! Have fun xxxx

I feel, don't give too much information on a first date. Keep it on a level keel, interests, work etc. If, and when you have a 2nd or 3rd date, then bring it up then, especially if a meal is involved. You would both be more at ease and as there is another date, some things working I have a few medical conditions, related to diabetes, plus had an eye operation, so some things are best kept for next time. It's about getting to know each other's personality first and enjoying each other's company, as some may be scared off at first (panic, naive? even though they did like you and may feel they have been bombarded with medical lessons) Lastly it's often a bit of a nervous time on the first date, so we want to try to give off a good impression( hopefully)
Good luck to you all, I'm sure you will find someone who really cares about you and the 'diabetes thing' is part of who you are and so maybe it will become part of both of you <3.

RRB

 

[lizdeluz]

Whilst I think her reaction was daft I do have to say that for all the people waving the "I'm a diabetic and proud" flag I think they forget there are a lot of needle phobic people out there and this should be taken into account too. Common decency means that if you can't inject discreetly (especially when people are eating) then pop to the loo. I would never dream of grabbing a needle and injecting in front of a new date. That was a privilege saved for further down the line when I trusted someone.

My first serious boyfriend was needle phobic and so I never injected in front of him. We managed a happy relationship for 5 years because I never pushed my injecting onto him. I am now the proud mum of a 5 year old boy who has special needs. In his short life he has been to hospital many times and due to all the tests is petrified of needles. What would these "rub your injection in their face" people say to my son if he saw them inject and burst into tears and screaming through fear? That he should just lump it?

Acceptance is what we all crave but it goes both ways and people should remember that.

You make a good point about people with phobias. I don't think most diabetics are 'rub their injection in your face' people. Most are hyper-discreet, many absent themselves in order to inject, - perhaps because they'd like privacy, or because they don't want to alarm needle-phobics. I understand your concern about your son's reaction to seeing needles. I have known children with other phobias who can't control their reactions and I know how upsetting it can be for them and their families, and hard to deal with.
You say, "Common decency means that if you can't inject discreetly (especially when people are eating) then pop to the loo". Like you, I will do this if I feel that my companions are unknown quantities and might be upset or offended, but I prefer not to, I'd rather 'inject discreetly' at the table than go to the (clean?) loo. It feels a bit like a 'right' that I have to defend.
As you say, there has to be consideration for others on both sides.
Maybe, before too many centuries have gone by, injections/needles for diabetics will be ancient history.

 

[LittleGreyCat]

Reading through this thread reminds me of a similar issue with nursing mothers breast feeding in a restaurant.
Perfectly natural, and I don't see the problem, but some people seem to find it offensive.
I'm with the mothers who refuse to be bullied into going somewhere to hide.

So do what makes you most comfortable, but please don't feel bullied into treating yourself as someone who has to go and hide something shameful.
It must be a real pain to have to inject regularly (I'm T2) but it is all part of life's rich tapestry.

If someone freaks, then that is a real warning - freaking at a little needle? [I hate needles.] Just imagine what they would be like of you had a major accident, tripped and bashed your head, got mugged, knocked down or even just cut yourself.
You need to be able to trust and rely on your partner to stay in control in an emergency.
Well rid, IMHO.

Cheers

LGC

 

[AndyS]

The only response I have ever had was some pompous woman getting all uppity in a KFC.
Her argument was that was upsetting her child (young lad looked about 4 or 5) who seemed more curious than anything. I think she didn't like the questions.
Anyhow while she stormed off to complain to the manager (having gotten nothing but a polite version of "****** off and leave me a lone" from me) the young lad eyed me a bit then ask me what I was doing.
A brief 2 minute conversation proved the kid was much smarter and more tolerant than the mother. I only hope he stays that way.

 

[mikej3252]

Did you prepare her. If she wasn't aware you were diabetic, she wouldn't have been prepared. I always tell people that i am diabetic, and if the need arises (such as when eating out) I try to inform them that I will doing blood tests and taking insulin. They usually don't react badly if they are told in advance.

 

[lidsla]

I honestly haven't had an experience like that in my 9 years as T1, in my case, I decide during the date whether I want to tell them or not, if they recommend a very high carb meal then I'll probably do tell them, trying to mention it in a funny way so it doesn't make them feel uncomfortable or sad for me (since it is a part of who I am, just like the clothes I wear or the way I speak), however, I always go to the restroom to inject my insulin before/after a meal when I am out with a date or friends.

You have to understand that people who have no connection with a T1 are not used to seeing someone injecting insulin or checking their blood next to the table and it can be weird, although not to the point of running away disgusted, that's just very immature. It is not that I am ashamed of doing it in public, it's just about my own private moments that I like to keep to myself in public places. And so far so good.

 

[Robinredbreast]

I honestly haven't had an experience like that in my 9 years as T1, in my case, I decide during the date whether I want to tell them or not, if they recommend a very high carb meal then I'll probably do tell them, trying to mention it in a funny way so it doesn't make them feel uncomfortable or sad for me (since it is a part of who I am, just like the clothes I wear or the way I speak), however, I always go to the restroom to inject my insulin before/after a meal when I am out with a date or friends.

You have to understand that people who have no connection with a T1 are not used to seeing someone injecting insulin or checking their blood next to the table and it can be weird, although not to the point of running away disgusted, that's just very immature. It is not that I am ashamed of doing it in public, it's just about my own private moments that I like to keep to myself in public places. And so far so good.

I am similar to you, it's often down to our personality really. I have Type 1 but just don't SHOUT about it

Some very good points lidsla, thank you

RRB

 

[lidsla]

I am similar to you, it's often down to our personality really. I have Type 1 but just don't SHOUT about it

Some very good points lidsla, thank you

RRB

Thanks RRB, I started checking out the forum today and it's nice to read people's opinions in here.

Totally agree with you, it's definitely a personality thing. Like you, I keep my diabetes private, I don't want to be known as "that diabetic girl", I am so much more than that.