Hey Nessa, i read your posts, the opening one in particular i felt you. These posts could have been me a few years ago. I too hated the attention factor and began to believe i was doing it just for attention.
I didn't see any mention of diabulmia here - an eating disorder where type one diabetics skip insulin to lose weight.
You mentioned self harm. You do understand that abusing insulin is just another form of self harm. It's just another form of cutting and therefore if you haven't engaged in other areas of self harm for a while, it's easy to go to a different one - so now it's abusing insulin.
It's important to understand that this is nothing to do with weight, or cutting. These are just symptoms of the inner struggle, the inner emotions. Until we learn to deal with what's actually going on underneath all the s**t, people like me will just keep jumping from one form of self harm to another.
Dealing with the s**t, for me, took much more than once a week therapy. I was in therapy for years before the pain got bad enough, and i was hurting myself in a number of ways. For me, i ended up in a full time, private treatment center for a short time where i was finally able to face my inability to accept and do diabetes and life. I finally learnt tools to deal with my emotions and to talk of them, rather than abuse insulin or other substances. I, too, had to deal with ptsd and anxiety, and once i actually dealt with that, i was free to move forward.
I'm still struggling but today I'm grateful to be in a process of recovery. I need a lot more support than just once a week therapy, but i learnt to be much better at taking responsibility for myself and for my actions. My diabetes control has come up again recently triggering depression and other negative emotions but i remind myself that it's a part of the process in recovery and it's a slow journey. I have tools today that maybe i had to learn before being able to truly and squarely deal with my diabetes as a young adult.
I'm sharing with you this in the hope that my experience can give you hope that there is another way out there. Hang in there and when you are ready, reach out and find your truth to how to find tools to deal with yourself without abusing insulin or engaging in self harm.
Feel free to message if you want.
I'm sorry if i misunderstood or am projecting. At least I'll have gained for writing this post!
