Not sure what Im doing (all over the place!)

[Patrick66]

Realised this morning that I had put on 2lb.

And I feel dreadfully....big. I feel, for want of a better phrase, "Absolutely shocking"!.

My diet has gone from very good to dreadful. Okay, moderately dreadful- should do better- oh what am I doing ?- type of dreadful.

I know that, if my HbA1c was done tomorrow it would be in the 60s or 70s...far removed from the 41 I was last time.

My operation scar is now just that, a scar. Its all healed but now, when I eat, probably because of what I eat, I feel heavy and bloated...

I just cant get comfortable. At all.

I don't look like I have put on weight and my scales tell me that its "just" 2lb, yet it feels like I'm back at the 15st 9lb I was before all this started. Not at the 13st 5lb my scales tell me I still am.
I'm trying to exercise. Trying to exercise with fibromyalgia, a lack of sleep and the pain in the mornings is off the charts!. But I'm pushing myself to get out and drag myself along.

I'm eating sweets. Not because I want them but because I cant find an alternative that I want to eat. I'm not eating hundreds and my consumption of potato, bread, pasta and most heavy carbs, is virtually nil. I've not eaten tubs of ice cream or cakes or puddings or biscuits, yet every time I eat something "wrong" I just want to thump myself.

Part of this is fear. Fear of going back to where I was in the operation run up, controlling my diabetes but losing weight which had my doctor concerned. Now I'm not losing weight but my diets gone and I am too tired and unmotivated, perhaps, though not in my mind, to get it back in case I take it too far.

I want to feel "right". I cant really put into words how awful I feel today-horribly bloated, feeling gross - and I'm probably not- am not, but that's how I am feeling.
I'm sure it is easier when you have a target to aim for. But I do- long term health, but that's not enough...and I want to recapture, within moderation, where I was before...

Ah, sorry for another moan, sorry for another "pity me" statement. Perhaps the dietician can help, when I see her, in a fortnight...
But that seems like a long way away.

Edited by Mod

 

[Juicyj]

@Patrick66

Firstly pick yourself up and dust your self down, you're being far too harsh on yourself, why beat yourself up when you're still recovering from your operation.

Each day is a fresh start, ditch the sweets, one step at a time, go prepared when you meet the dietitian, explain what you were doing before, show her what your diet each day was looking like, tell her how you were feeling, she will help, but in the meantime stop being so hard on yourself, you can make changes but it helps to approach this with some positivity.

 

[JoKalsbeek]

Realised this morning that I had put on 2lb.

And I feel dreadfully....big. I feel, for want of a better phrase, "Absolutely shocking"!.


Ah, sorry for another moan, sorry for another "pity me" statement. Perhaps the dietician can help, when I see her, in a fortnight...
But that seems like a long way away.

You're not asking for pity, far as I can see... You're just really frustrated with the status quo. Which makes sense, seeing the circumstances. Hang in there. It's just a couple of weeks till you see the dietician, and in the meantime, please, please, please, be gentle with yourself. Maybe a little more forgiving too. And you could, believe it or not, be proud of yourself. You made it to the operation, which was an insurmountable task when you first logged on here, and yet, it's all done now. It took hard work and more sacrifice than most of us realise, probably, but you did do that.

And meds are making me bloated right now too, so we'll just be bloated for a bit together. Even if you're not really bloated at all, but just feel like you are. I'll bloat for two, if it makes you feel better.
Jo

 

[Ica291]

Realised this morning that I had put on 2lb.

And I feel dreadfully....big. I feel, for want of a better phrase, "Absolutely shocking"!.

My diet has gone from very good to dreadful. Okay, moderately dreadful- should do better- oh what am I doing ?- type of dreadful.

I know that, if my HbA1c was done tomorrow it would be in the 60s or 70s...far removed from the 41 I was last time.

My operation scar is now just that, a scar. Its all healed but now, when I eat, probably because of what I eat, I feel heavy and bloated...

I just cant get comfortable. At all.

I don't look like I have put on weight and my scales tell me that its "just" 2lb, yet it feels like I'm back at the 15st 9lb I was before all this started. Not at the 13st 5lb my scales tell me I still am.
I'm trying to exercise. Trying to exercise with fibromyalgia, a lack of sleep and the pain in the mornings is off the charts!. But I'm pushing myself to get out and drag myself along.

I'm eating sweets. Not because I want them but because I cant find an alternative that I want to eat. I'm not eating hundreds and my consumption of potato, bread, pasta and most heavy carbs, is virtually nil. I've not eaten tubs of ice cream or cakes or puddings or biscuits, yet every time I eat something "wrong" I just want to thump myself.

Part of this is fear. Fear of going back to where I was in the operation run up, controlling my diabetes but losing weight which had my doctor concerned. Now I'm not losing weight but my diets gone and I am too tired and unmotivated, perhaps, though not in my mind, to get it back in case I take it too far.

I want to feel "right". I cant really put into words how awful I feel today-horribly bloated, feeling gross - and I'm probably not- am not, but that's how I am feeling.
I'm sure it is easier when you have a target to aim for. But I do- long term health, but that's not enough...and I want to recapture, within moderation, where I was before...

Ah, sorry for another moan, sorry for another "pity me" statement. Perhaps the dietician can help, when I see her, in a fortnight...
But that seems like a long way away.

Sounds like your body has been through a lot and still going through it! Hope the pain eases for you soon

The so called number of pounds you put on or number the scales are telling you isn't what is important, it's how you feel. Which is exactly what you've said, the numbers don't tell you much you just "feel" it. Honestly, I think that's great to be self aware. Bloating isn't fun and makes you feel sluggish full stop, the wild Web of figuring out which foods work for you and which ones don't takes time.

You're on a journey, as we all are, and there are bumps in the road. How we navigate those bumps is who we are. Reaching out on here is a great way to gain support and realise that you can get over this bump, some of us are at that point too, some have been there, some have yet to get there. Either way, always be kind to yourself, you're doing your best and that is good enough!!!

Fingers crossed your dietician has some great tips for you because I'm a cheesy chips addict so I'm not the best to help on food

 

[DCUKMod]

@Patrick66 - Are you testing your bloods to see if your feeling about a likely A1c score is actually likely, or whether the (obvious to an onlooker) guilt of what you're doing is clouding your analysis?

As you already state, 2lb is nothing, and many folks can vary by more than that, just on a day to day basis, so I doubt that's a material issue.

Do you feel bloated because you think you should, because you've been off the straight and narrow, or are you actually bloated? Is your tummy area swollen, or much firmer?

I know you have some food intolerances and as your know, those can do (really not at all) funny things to our gut. I mean, if I eat gluten, I become very bloated for several days, like I have a cannon ball onboard, then it,..... erm,.......... resolves itself. 'Nuff said.

With your food intolerances, have you ever founf anything like that?

I would suggest Patrick, that you plan some food for a couple of days and eat it - whther or not it's actually what you want at the time. Sometimes food becomes a bit utility, and sometimes it can even be usedful for it to become a bit utilitarian.

When I need to grab a couple of pounds back I've lost along the way, I have to just apply myself to eating what I know will do it, given enough time, rather than eating how I would rather enjoy.

 

[KookieMunchster]

Tis rather a vicious cycle this, feeling rotten coz your diet is poor, and your diet is poor coz you're feeling rotten...
Sometimes I think when you're in a tailspin you're so dizzy you can't see straight.
Everyone prior to this post has given you some rather insightful and heartfelt advice and I think you actually know all of it - know what to do, know what needs to be done.
I totally feel for you, I get feeling low and uninspired and broken.
It is extremely hard when you're put in a position where you are just trying to survive at bare minimum, and you have currently shifted your mind set just to get through it. It's ok to do that but don't stay there so long you forget there's more than just this hole.
You've been outside of it before and you can again.

Lots of hugs.

 

[lucylocket61]

On a practical note: the operation would have involved filling the space with gases to give them room to work, and it can take a fair few weeks/months for the gas to re-absorb and the internal swelling to go down. My husband had 3 ops over two years, all for hernias, and this is what we found to be true and his GP confirmed it.

Maybe go to your GP and check that the scar tissue isnt causing discomfort too? that can take months to soften and feel like your own skin again.

best wishes. Maybe ditch the sweets and eat potatoes, bread or whatever. If you want carbs, go for the healthier ones?

 

[andromache]

Realised this morning that I had put on 2lb.

And I feel dreadfully....big. I feel, for want of a better phrase, "Absolutely shocking"!.

My diet has gone from very good to dreadful. Okay, moderately dreadful- should do better- oh what am I doing ?- type of dreadful.

I know that, if my HbA1c was done tomorrow it would be in the 60s or 70s...far removed from the 41 I was last time.

My operation scar is now just that, a scar. Its all healed but now, when I eat, probably because of what I eat, I feel heavy and bloated...

I just cant get comfortable. At all.

I don't look like I have put on weight and my scales tell me that its "just" 2lb, yet it feels like I'm back at the 15st 9lb I was before all this started. Not at the 13st 5lb my scales tell me I still am.
I'm trying to exercise. Trying to exercise with fibromyalgia, a lack of sleep and the pain in the mornings is off the charts!. But I'm pushing myself to get out and drag myself along.

I'm eating sweets. Not because I want them but because I cant find an alternative that I want to eat. I'm not eating hundreds and my consumption of potato, bread, pasta and most heavy carbs, is virtually nil. I've not eaten tubs of ice cream or cakes or puddings or biscuits, yet every time I eat something "wrong" I just want to thump myself.

Part of this is fear. Fear of going back to where I was in the operation run up, controlling my diabetes but losing weight which had my doctor concerned. Now I'm not losing weight but my diets gone and I am too tired and unmotivated, perhaps, though not in my mind, to get it back in case I take it too far.

I want to feel "right". I cant really put into words how awful I feel today-horribly bloated, feeling gross - and I'm probably not- am not, but that's how I am feeling.
I'm sure it is easier when you have a target to aim for. But I do- long term health, but that's not enough...and I want to recapture, within moderation, where I was before...

Ah, sorry for another moan, sorry for another "pity me" statement. Perhaps the dietician can help, when I see her, in a fortnight...
But that seems like a long way away.

Edited by Mod

It's not a 'pity me' statement, is it? Far from it. You are showing yourself very little compassion, let alone expecting it from anyone else. And I think that is something for you to think about: little bit of kind self-compassion might be in order here. Beating yourself up for real or imagined failures might be cathartic, but it doesn't usually get a person far. Reassuring yourself that it is OK to feel miserable when things are tough - and clearly they are tough for you right now - might be a better place to start. That's probably what you would do for a friend. Do it for you. Then you can turn your attention without blame or judgement to the here and now and what tiny act you can do in the next moment to edge yourself in the right direction again. And then just keep on doing that. You know from your own experience how powerful virtuous circles of behaviour are, once you get started, however small that first step.

 

[Daibell]

Hi. You need to break the loop. Don't ever buy any sweets. My wife and I don't buy any biscuits and that way we don't eat any - simples. Rather than sweets have a tub of nuts available or lumps of cheese etc. You can fairly easily avoid added sugar but not so easy to minimise natural sugars or carbs but do what you can.

 

[Patrick66]

@Patrick66

Firstly pick yourself up and dust your self down, you're being far too harsh on yourself, why beat yourself up when you're still recovering from your operation.

Each day is a fresh start, ditch the sweets, one step at a time, go prepared when you meet the dietitian, explain what you were doing before, show her what your diet each day was looking like, tell her how you were feeling, she will help, but in the meantime stop being so hard on yourself, you can make changes but it helps to approach this with some positivity.

I’m afraid positivity is very thin on the ground. My fibromyalgia is terrible at the moment and I’m not sleeping. Works just so busy that I’m permanently in chronic pain and exhausted.
But we struggle on...

 

[Patrick66]

You're not asking for pity, far as I can see... You're just really frustrated with the status quo. Which makes sense, seeing the circumstances. Hang in there. It's just a couple of weeks till you see the dietician, and in the meantime, please, please, please, be gentle with yourself. Maybe a little more forgiving too. And you could, believe it or not, be proud of yourself. You made it to the operation, which was an insurmountable task when you first logged on here, and yet, it's all done now. It took hard work and more sacrifice than most of us realise, probably, but you did do that.

And meds are making me bloated right now too, so we'll just be bloated for a bit together. Even if you're not really bloated at all, but just feel like you are. I'll bloat for two, if it makes you feel better.
Jo

Thank you.

Slightly less bloated today. But my body feels like it’s been run over, I’m exhausted.

 

[Patrick66]

Sounds like your body has been through a lot and still going through it! Hope the pain eases for you soon

The so called number of pounds you put on or number the scales are telling you isn't what is important, it's how you feel. Which is exactly what you've said, the numbers don't tell you much you just "feel" it. Honestly, I think that's great to be self aware. Bloating isn't fun and makes you feel sluggish full stop, the wild Web of figuring out which foods work for you and which ones don't takes time.

You're on a journey, as we all are, and there are bumps in the road. How we navigate those bumps is who we are. Reaching out on here is a great way to gain support and realise that you can get over this bump, some of us are at that point too, some have been there, some have yet to get there. Either way, always be kind to yourself, you're doing your best and that is good enough!!!

Fingers crossed your dietician has some great tips for you because I'm a cheesy chips addict so I'm not the best to help on food

Thank you.

I had chips last night. Not many but enough to, for a moment, make my tastebuds wake up.

 

[Patrick66]

@Patrick66 - Are you testing your bloods to see if your feeling about a likely A1c score is actually likely, or whether the (obvious to an onlooker) guilt of what you're doing is clouding your analysis?

As you already state, 2lb is nothing, and many folks can vary by more than that, just on a day to day basis, so I doubt that's a material issue.

Do you feel bloated because you think you should, because you've been off the straight and narrow, or are you actually bloated? Is your tummy area swollen, or much firmer?

I know you have some food intolerances and as your know, those can do (really not at all) funny things to our gut. I mean, if I eat gluten, I become very bloated for several days, like I have a cannon ball onboard, then it,..... erm,.......... resolves itself. 'Nuff said.

With your food intolerances, have you ever founf anything like that?

I would suggest Patrick, that you plan some food for a couple of days and eat it - whther or not it's actually what you want at the time. Sometimes food becomes a bit utility, and sometimes it can even be usedful for it to become a bit utilitarian.

When I need to grab a couple of pounds back I've lost along the way, I have to just apply myself to eating what I know will do it, given enough time, rather than eating how I would rather enjoy.

Thank you.

No, I’m not testing regularly. My executive function is terrible right now, my fibromyalgia has flared up badly and I’m barely sleeping. Plus work is manic so I’m feeling very exhausted and can barely move on some days.

My fasting sugars been okay, that’s all I know.

I’m trying my best to get back on track but finding the combination of things tough to handle.

 

[Patrick66]

Tis rather a vicious cycle this, feeling rotten coz your diet is poor, and your diet is poor coz you're feeling rotten...
Sometimes I think when you're in a tailspin you're so dizzy you can't see straight.
Everyone prior to this post has given you some rather insightful and heartfelt advice and I think you actually know all of it - know what to do, know what needs to be done.
I totally feel for you, I get feeling low and uninspired and broken.
It is extremely hard when you're put in a position where you are just trying to survive at bare minimum, and you have currently shifted your mind set just to get through it. It's ok to do that but don't stay there so long you forget there's more than just this hole.
You've been outside of it before and you can again.

Lots of hugs.

Thank you, that’s very kind.

Yes I know what I should be doing but am overwhelmed, right now, by a combination of things that are wearing me out. Hopefully one of them, at least, will pass.

 

[Patrick66]

On a practical note: the operation would have involved filling the space with gases to give them room to work, and it can take a fair few weeks/months for the gas to re-absorb and the internal swelling to go down. My husband had 3 ops over two years, all for hernias, and this is what we found to be true and his GP confirmed it.

Maybe go to your GP and check that the scar tissue isnt causing discomfort too? that can take months to soften and feel like your own skin again.

best wishes. Maybe ditch the sweets and eat potatoes, bread or whatever. If you want carbs, go for the healthier ones?

Thank you.

I’m trying. Just worn out by a combination of things.

 

[Patrick66]

Hi. You need to break the loop. Don't ever buy any sweets. My wife and I don't buy any biscuits and that way we don't eat any - simples. Rather than sweets have a tub of nuts available or lumps of cheese etc. You can fairly easily avoid added sugar but not so easy to minimise natural sugars or carbs but do what you can.

It’s very simple isn’t it ?

But my other half has a sweet tooth so the sweets are always around. Managed to avoid Pre my operation but post it’s been harder. Fibromyalgia very bad, little sleep, work just manic, all wearing me down and with a very limited range of foods I eat anyway, times are a bit tough.
But I’m trying.

 

[Patrick66]

It's not a 'pity me' statement, is it? Far from it. You are showing yourself very little compassion, let alone expecting it from anyone else. And I think that is something for you to think about: little bit of kind self-compassion might be in order here. Beating yourself up for real or imagined failures might be cathartic, but it doesn't usually get a person far. Reassuring yourself that it is OK to feel miserable when things are tough - and clearly they are tough for you right now - might be a better place to start. That's probably what you would do for a friend. Do it for you. Then you can turn your attention without blame or judgement to the here and now and what tiny act you can do in the next moment to edge yourself in the right direction again. And then just keep on doing that. You know from your own experience how powerful virtuous circles of behaviour are, once you get started, however small that first step.

I’m afraid that, being Autistic, self care and self respect are well down the list in terms of how we deal with things.
My self esteem is zero so any self compassion is virtually impossible. It’s me being my harshest critic. Plus I’m overwhelmed by little sleep, a manic work environment and Fibromyalgia pain being off the charts so it’s a combination of factors that don’t really assist. It’s just frustrating, annoying and a pain in the....everywhere.
But I’m doing my best. Small steps. Very small steps.

 

[DCUKMod]

Thank you.

No, I’m not testing regularly. My executive function is terrible right now, my fibromyalgia has flared up badly and I’m barely sleeping. Plus work is manic so I’m feeling very exhausted and can barely move on some days.

My fasting sugars been okay, that’s all I know.

I’m trying my best to get back on track but finding the combination of things tough to handle.

Bottom line seems, @Patrick66 is that you are on a downer on everything.

You have decided your A1c would be awful based on nothing material, except that you have changed your eating a bit. From memory, your choices aren't great, but also from memory your portions are small, and that you've gained 2lb.

To someone on the outside (yes. They're always the most irritating!) you're joining a lot of dots, without even knowing where the dots are.

For me, were I in your shoes, I'd try to do one thing for a couple of days and that is test. A test takes moments. Your fasting numbers are fine, but you have no clue about the others. OK, if the tests you do are shocking, you know (rather than guess), you'reon a slippery slope, but if they're OK, that doesn't inform that your new way of eating is the way to go, but it should probably ease a bit of pressure.

Once you have data, you can decide on the way forward. Deciding what "is", based on gut feel and low mood isn't robust, but as a detailed and bright guy, you already know that.

 

[lucylocket61]

I’m afraid that, being Autistic, self care and self respect are well down the list in terms of how we deal with things.
My self esteem is zero so any self compassion is virtually impossible. It’s me being my harshest critic. Plus I’m overwhelmed by little sleep, a manic work environment and Fibromyalgia pain being off the charts so it’s a combination of factors that don’t really assist. It’s just frustrating, annoying and a pain in the....everywhere.
But I’m doing my best. Small steps. Very small steps.

remember the Autistic black and white thinking mode that many have? Maybe write the black(worst case scenario or reasons) thinking on one side of a page, the white (best case scenario or reasons) ) thinking on the other side of the page, then try to find at least three which could go in the middle and between the black and middle, and white and middle, so you can see some grey thinking? I hope that makes sense.

I know every single person with autism is different, I am simply suggesting something my son finds helpful when overwhelmed. All the best.

 

[lucylocket61]

I’m afraid that, being Autistic, self care and self respect are well down the list in terms of how we deal with things.
My self esteem is zero so any self compassion is virtually impossible. It’s me being my harshest critic. Plus I’m overwhelmed by little sleep, a manic work environment and Fibromyalgia pain being off the charts so it’s a combination of factors that don’t really assist. It’s just frustrating, annoying and a pain in the....everywhere.
But I’m doing my best. Small steps. Very small steps.

PS If you just do ONE thing, talk to your GP and get some more time off. If you think that is impossible, think of why you see time off as impossible, and come back to me and maybe we could figure out a thinking/working plan to get you able to take the time you need to be healed up enough to function?