Type 1 I am losing the love of my life to my inability to handle his diabetes?

[JTL]

I'm of the impression it has nothing to do with diabetes.
Diabetics as a rule do not need carers either.

 

[donnellysdogs]

I think that a video of him on a phone when this occurs would be good if he could see it afterwards.

However just talking about hypo's.....

1) if you are having to assist him - then this is problematic... Especially if he drives. There are conditions attached to driving licences and he could be in trouble when you are not around.... And whilst driving. If he doesn't drive then that is good and nothing to be concerned about;

2) ask him when he is not hypo - how he would like you to help him when he is hypo... Ie my favourite hypo stopper is milk and sugar in a tommee tippee mug. I use this when treating myself at home. So if somebody else tried to give me something else I am very unlikely to take it without an argument.

Is he under hospital care for diabetes? Are you able to go to an appointment with him?

I think the best thing is to sit down and talk....

 

[Molly56]

Hi @Kendall12 sorry to hear your problems.. Most of us T1 guys are amazing.!
My past experience of a "wrong un" was with a drug addict, so I feel my advice hardly appropriate in this case.
I also feel you need a woman's viewpoint on this, so will tag someone in, who is a dab hand with the odd problematic D. @Molly56

Good luck!

@Jaylee ....thanks for the tag and sentiment....had never thought of myself as a 'dab hand' before...or that I had an 'odd problematic D'....will look at him in a different light now......am happy to talk with @Kendall12 as seems we are in similar boats....

 

[tim2000s]

@Kendall12 As someone who has been verbally abusive to my partner when extremely low, I know how upset she was and how upset you must be.

The difficult thing is, it's not your fault, and the only way things will change is if he changes. If he doesn't want to do anything about his lows then you need to have a very difficult conversation with him.

Ultimately, regardless of how sensitive or otherwise you are about it, if he refuses to do anything to stop the excessive hypos and resultant behaviour, (better control or counselling) he is using it as a way of controlling you. If this is what is happening you need to think very hard about whether this is someone you want to live with.

 

[ButtterflyLady]

I agree with all of the above. His behaviour is inappropriate. But I caution you to be very careful in how you approach the problem, in case he gets angry and things become unsafe. I have been in an abusive relationship and the number one rule is: safety first. An audio recording might be as effective as video, and is easier to do without being noticed. I would expect him to get angry when he finds out he was recorded.

If you decide things can't be fixed, and you are going to break up with him, plan carefully so you are safe throughout the process. Domestic abuse support organisations can give advice about how to do this. I had support from one when I left my ex. A person who has been abused is at the highest risk around the time of ending the relationship. But sometimes, it is what needs to be done. You have a right to feel safe and be safe. If he can't guarantee that, then sadly you have a decision to make.

I am guessing that his family and anyone else he has lived with have tolerated his behaviour, but now he is living with someone who is not prepared to tolerate it (and good for you). IMO his family poorly prepared him for adult life with T1.

 

[ButtterflyLady]

This is an article aimed at people with T1 diabetes to get them to think about the impact of their hypos on those close to them:
http://www.diabetes.co.uk/affect-of-hypos-on-relationships.html

 

[sybs]

When his sugars are stable, have a long chat explaining how you feel when he is hypo, and how how behaves. Yes, in the long run hypos will happen, but hopefully not as severe as they have been. With type 1 , the best treatment is preventing the hypos and hypers. They should not be frequent and not have the impact they are having. Has he been diagnosed long? At the start I was very up and down, also the odd temper tantrum thrown in. Only when I was able to have consistency I felt like my old self. I would suggest he sees his dsn and work out why so many lows, too much insulin obviously, but, adjustments to heat, activity, portion sizes of food, types of food should be made. If he's unwilling to see his dsn and share results, test more regular so a way forward can be made , that choice is for you two to work out.

Have you tried carrying a bottle of lucozade or a bottle of ordinary coke cola, so when he starts it coming on he can drink a bottle,My daughter has a friend that always has one with him

 

[terrilouu]

It's his insulin he must be giving himself too much I used to do the same I have been diabetic for 22 years but I am not no more as had a double transplant kidney and pancreas as a prediabetic I am willing to help whoever I can

 

[KarenAdamson]

Me and my partner have been together for a while now. He is an amazing guy, and I love him dearly. We have recently moved in together into our own apartmant in London, which has been a dream of ours for some time now, but thins are very difficult. He has type 1 diabetes, insulin dependent. And, when he has lows, hypos...he becomes very mean, agressive, irritated and sometimes even physical ( never hit me but throws things and hurts himself). I try to support him in those moments, but it puts so much stress on me that my whole body starts shaking on the inside, and I feel my heart pounding. It always appears out of nowehere. Id walk with him holding hands, or we are having fun, cooking or cleaning together, and on the inside it's like I'm just waiting for the next hypo and for him to becme verybally abusive. i constantly wanna ask him to check his sugars, which is hard for him. It happens often enough for me to feel unhappy and really tense. I notice I am calmer when he is away. I love him so much and I try to support him, when he has a hypo, I try to assist him, hold him, lie next to him, give him water etc. Coping with the stress is hard, especially afterwards, when he doesn't even remember what happened.
There are the good and there are the bad days, and even though I try concentrating on the good ones, I wonder what can I do to deal with it better. He promises to eat better and prevent hypos, but they happen anyway and all the promises are empty words. Can a diabetic PROMISE to get better? I think, no.

I feel like I am about to give up. I lost my sense of self in this relationship and I am starting to doubt why am I in it? I think of myself as a bad nurse and bad girlfriend, rather than a happy woman. By the way I'm 29, he is 34. We are both adults, yet this problem seems to not get resolved.

This sounds extremely selfish, but what can I do? I have such tension and fear and there is literally NOBODY who understands.

Hi Kendall12
Sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time so much with the man you love. A few years ago after being diabetic for about 30 years I used to have a terrible time with bad hypos that hit without warning. As I lived abroad I didn't have all the help that is now available to me in the UK but luckily my husband got to spot the early symptoms of my hypo before I did. I used to get very argumentative, swearing that I was fine and not hypo and used to hit out when he was trying to force me to drink Lucozade. Like your partner I couldn't remember anything after a bad hypo. After I moved back permanently to the UK I was referred to a local hospitals Diabetic clinic and in fact saw a specialist nurse within 24 hours which was brilliant. Because I had had a few years of bad hypos I had lost all warning symptoms of a hypo which was why it wasn't until I was unable to walk that I realised I was hypo. I used to keep a small bottle of Lucozade in every room so that it was within easy reach if my husband was out. This worked most of the time. I realised that the Diabetes was controlling my life rather than me controlling it. Due to the wonderful help I have had from my local Diabetes team I now have quite good control and when things aren't working as well I know what to do to help myself. I was told to keep my Blood Glucose a bit higher for a few weeks which has helped me regain some early warning signs of a hypo. For me I start yawning a lot and know to test my blood glucose. My team put me forward for an insulin pump which meant that I had to attend a one day a week course for four weeks at a larger hospital which gave me the tools and understanding to take control. At the end of the course my control was so good that the additional hassle of wearing a pump wasn't worth it and I took the decision to stay with my insulin pens and presently test my blood sugar three times a day with extra tests only when needed. I can eat what I want more or less when I want and can even hog out if I want to. I know that the attitude of my Diabetic team is that, unlike years ago when I was basically told what I could and could not do, they realise that we are humans who all have different lifestyles and like or dislike different things so they provide the knowledge and tools that help you fit your control to your own needs. After all everyone is different. Unfortunately your partner needs to make the first step and ask his DSN or team for help. He needs to learn to control his own Diabetes as at the moment it sounds like it's controlling both his life and yours which isn't fair. Sorry that this is such a long missive but hope some of this and other comments help you

 

[Kendall12]

Have you tried carrying a bottle of lucozade or a bottle of ordinary coke cola, so when he starts it coming on he can drink a bottle,My daughter has a friend that always has one with him

Of course. I have sugar and chocolate in my bag for those cases. But it's not that we don't notice it. Sometimes by the time we notice it, he is already in hypo mode thus it's very hard to communicate with him.

 

[Kendall12]

Hi Kendall12
Sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time so much with the man you love. A few years ago after being diabetic for about 30 years I used to have a terrible time with bad hypos that hit without warning. As I lived abroad I didn't have all the help that is now available to me in the UK but luckily my husband got to spot the early symptoms of my hypo before I did. I used to get very argumentative, swearing that I was fine and not hypo and used to hit out when he was trying to force me to drink Lucozade. Like your partner I couldn't remember anything after a bad hypo. After I moved back permanently to the UK I was referred to a local hospitals Diabetic clinic and in fact saw a specialist nurse within 24 hours which was brilliant. Because I had had a few years of bad hypos I had lost all warning symptoms of a hypo which was why it wasn't until I was unable to walk that I realised I was hypo. I used to keep a small bottle of Lucozade in every room so that it was within easy reach if my husband was out. This worked most of the time. I realised that the Diabetes was controlling my life rather than me controlling it. Due to the wonderful help I have had from my local Diabetes team I now have quite good control and when things aren't working as well I know what to do to help myself. I was told to keep my Blood Glucose a bit higher for a few weeks which has helped me regain some early warning signs of a hypo. For me I start yawning a lot and know to test my blood glucose. My team put me forward for an insulin pump which meant that I had to attend a one day a week course for four weeks at a larger hospital which gave me the tools and understanding to take control. At the end of the course my control was so good that the additional hassle of wearing a pump wasn't worth it and I took the decision to stay with my insulin pens and presently test my blood sugar three times a day with extra tests only when needed. I can eat what I want more or less when I want and can even hog out if I want to. I know that the attitude of my Diabetic team is that, unlike years ago when I was basically told what I could and could not do, they realise that we are humans who all have different lifestyles and like or dislike different things so they provide the knowledge and tools that help you fit your control to your own needs. After all everyone is different. Unfortunately your partner needs to make the first step and ask his DSN or team for help. He needs to learn to control his own Diabetes as at the moment it sounds like it's controlling both his life and yours which isn't fair. Sorry that this is such a long missive but hope some of this and other comments help you

thank you. that was a very helpful comment!

 

[KarenAdamson]

thank you. that was a very helpful comment!

Hi Kendall12. So glad if it was any help. If there's anything else you would like help with just p.m. me. It might help to talk to someone who can see both sides of the question

 

[NatalieJ]

Has he had hypos since you have been together? The stress of the diabetes can cause someone to be snappy and also bring on depression. Iv had mood swings but never anything bad. He should really go to the doctor as could be suffering with depression as those outbursts don't sound as if it's just hypos.
By the sounds of it u are doing more then u can, however u shouldn't have to try so hard as then it will have an effect on u, which seems like it already is. I really hope u can get it sorted x

 

[jex2]

Hi Kendall12 i have read the other posts but don't really see any positive advice so thought i would post some info to try and help
i am a type 1 diabetic and have been for 30 years i am also a Endocrinologist (diabetic specialist) and a diabetes educator but i am from australia so things may be a little dif in london
ok so before i go any further i will say genetics plays a big part to what happens to a diabetic so if you get another diabetic saying that anything that is happening to your bf is not true because it doesn't happen to them please disregard their statement
for instance you said you 2 just moved in together for, some diabetics stress and life style changes has very little effect on their diabetes but for others it does my first piece of advise would be to find out if this problem started as you guys moved in together his diabetic specialist will need to know this to adjust his insulin levels accordingly it will be different if its caused by stress rather than bad eating habits.

Let me just say that you should NOT become his carer but if you are living with him you should defiantly educate yourself with at least the basics of his condition so if you have not done so i would advise you to go along with him to his specialist once to get some info and don't worry we do this all the time have a chat and give pointers to family members, new partners and even friends when a T1 brings them in i would also suggest that your bf get a prescription for a glucagon injection and you get training on how to administer it it is very quick and will not help in this scenario but a danger time for hypo's is while sleeping and if he has fallen unconscious a glucagon shot will force the liver to release a dose of glucose into the system and will usually wake a T1 up in approx 10 min but be sure to follow up with post hypo protocol from his hypo pack immediately as the glucagon will only be effective for approx 30 mins but this would be the last step before calling emergency services if you have glucacon over there that is, His specialist will also tell you what to look for when he is going into a stage 1 (more on this latter) hypo he will usually still be in control at this point so to ask him to take his bgl here or to let him know he looks low can save these more aggressive hypo's or stage 2 hypo's so you do not have to be afraid all the time you should not have to feel this way.

You say you try to assist him hold him etc and let me just say that's a very beautiful gesture on your part well done the only thing i will say is that be careful when you do this if he is already in a or close to an aggressive hypo you first responsibility must be your own well fair and generally when i was younger and had these types of hypo's and someone did things like that it just made me more agitated but you and his specialist know him best so i leave that decision in your hands

So i feel i need to point out that this type of hypo can NEVER be controlled by counselling this is not an anger control issue or an emotional imbalance issue this is due because of the stage 2 symptoms just before unconsciousness as a result in the body be so overdosed on insulin his brain function has already started to shut down and he is not in control anymore hence why he usually not remember it his higher brain functions and reasoning skills have already diminished to far to just will himself out of it any statement by others to the contrary should be disregarded once again get him to talk to his specialist about it the idea is to stop these from happening not to get him to try and control them himself when he is in one its already too late and like i said before genetics also plays a role, i will also point out that not all hypo's are like this some he will probably never get angry or aggressive stress and life style changes can also play a part in the type of hypo

ok so diet if he knows he is not eating well he defiantly needs to change this you version of a diabetic educator will be able to help him here all i can tell you here is that after a lot of researched i went onto a lchf diet (low fat high carb) and have never looked back i have reduced my insulin intake levels by approx 90 - 95% less insulin = less hypo's the medical industry is a bit slow to catch up but i believe some diabetic authorities are endorsing this diet know as a better way to control diabetes get your bf to have a look on your countries diabetic authority website which i believe is www.diabetes.org.uk if it appeals to him

Oh on a side note i will also point out that if he is going into these hypo's without any warning he may have Impaired Awareness of Hypoglycaemia (IAH) which can happen if he has had a number of hypo's in a short period of time or if he has had diabetes for a long time about 2 years plus but i find this problem usually doesn't start till the 9-20year mark there is that genetics thing again his specialist should be able to give him some ideas on how to get out of it

I will also point out that unlike most reasons for hypo's being a short duration of time eg injecting and not eating you will hypo quickly playing sports has a delayed effect of up to 12 hours something he should consider if he plays sports

This is just general info to cover all basis but this info should be readily available on your countries diabetic authority website

what i like to call stage 1 hypo symptoms are

• weakness
• trembling
• sweating
• paleness
• hunger
• nausea
• light headedness
• headache

what i like to call stage 2 hypo symptoms are

• lack of coordination
• not able to help oneself
• disorientated, unaware or seeming drunk
• not able to drink or swallow
• not able to stand
• not able to follow directions
• loss of consciousness
• seizures
• Confusion
• Slurred speech

stage 2 is where his aggression comes in but confusion can be in both so the idea here is if it happens to catch and treat it at stage 1

Ok WOW long post sorry about that kendall these are some things he can think about to get it under control
1. if he is on a mix of insulin taking 2 injections a day maybe change that to something like a novorapid and lantis solostar more injections but shorter time frame the lantis releases slowly over a approx 12 hour period taken for over night and novorapid is a fast acting with 4-5 working window with a peak time of about the 60-90mins and a onset of 10-15mins
2. insulin pump is always something to think about if you guys have a subsidized scheme over there these make it easier to control but will not stop hypo's
3. defiantly think about a CGM (continuous glucose monitor) if you guys have a subsidized scheme over there this comes with a ipod kinda like thingy with a screen to tell him his glucose levels he can also set an alarm so it goes of when his bgl goes down to say 4.0mmol/l for example these vary but take a reading every min or so
4. combine 2 &3 always a good combo
5. he has to get in the habit of testing more if his having these bad issues i would suggest every hour if he doesn't find any of the above appealing there are plenty of quick glucometers made for that and apps on phones to help him out to remember to do it and record everything
6. record his tests about atleast 4-6 times a day before he goes to his specialist if he is only doing it 2-3 times a day his specialist does not have enough info to make an informed decision

I hope the info here is helpful to you and i think it should be said thanks for taking the time to care enough about your bf to try and enlist some help sometimes us T1 can forget the effect our condition has on the people around us i wish you and your bf the best of luck in controlling his issue