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Cracker Jokes

This is not a joke but when I was a kid I was in the chippy and asked "How much are those 10p crisps?" Duh....lol, utter embarrassment lol
 
Did you hear about the american tourists visiting Belfast for the first time?
Well whilst waiting at a bus stop they overheard three local men talking.....the first man said " I'm off to Kilkenny, second man says " I'm off to Killarney, third man says im off to kilpartick....of my God says the American tourist ..it's true ..there all a bunch of cold blooded murderers.
 
Clivethedrive said:
Did you hear about the american tourists visiting Belfast for the first time?
Well whilst waiting at a bus stop they overheard three local men talking.....the first man said " I'm off to Kilkenny, second man says " I'm off to Killarney, third man says im off to kilpartick....of my God says the American tourist ..it's true ..there all a bunch of cold blooded murderers.
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My ex mother In law, RIP, was born in Kilkenny :eek:
 
Guy goes into pub and asks for ten double vodkas. Barman lines them up and the guy quickly grabs them all one by one and sinks them. Barman says "My you've got a problem!" and the guy replies"I know, I've only got 20p !"
 
Lion tamer goes clubbing and gets a knock-back from the bouncers
"No trainers allowed"
 
A duck goes into a pub an gets on the barstool, the barman comes over an the duck says " have you got any bread" the barman replies " this is a pub we serve beer and wine an spirits, now be off with you an dont come back, so the duck leaves.
Exactly the same time next day the duck returns , barman comes over an the duck says " got any bread" the barman says " look you were in here yesterday and if you come back tomorrow I'm going to nail your beak to this bar, so be off with you.
Next day the duck returns and the barman rushes over, the duck asks" have you got any nails" no says the barman ...." Good says the duck got any bread"
 
eddie1968 said:
Guy goes into pub and asks for ten double vodkas. Barman lines them up and the guy quickly grabs them all one by one and sinks them. Barman says "My you've got a problem!" and the guy replies"I know, I've only got 20p !"
Click to expand...

Was he Scottish ?:p it's okay, I am from Scottish ancestry lol

RRB
 
Clivethedrive said:
A duck goes into a pub an gets on the barstool, the barman comes over an the duck says " have you got any bread" the barman replies " this is a pub we serve beer and wine an spirits, now be off with you an dont come back, so the duck leaves.
Exactly the same time next day the duck returns , barman comes over an the duck says " got any bread" the barman says " look you were in here yesterday and if you come back tomorrow I'm going to nail your beak to this bar, so be off with you.
Next day the duck returns and the barman rushes over, the duck asks" have you got any nails" no says the barman ...." Good says the duck got any bread"
Click to expand...

:D that's a good one lol
 
eddie1968 said:
I am Scottish lol, must be the only tee total guy here lol and even though I do tell a lot of Irish jokes both my Grandfathers were Irish.
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Erm, don't think you would of been my dad's best friend then, he was a Whisky drinker :yuck:
 
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What do you call a guy with a paper bag over his head ?
Russel
Hear about the Irish paper mill ?
It blew away
Paddy is at the breakfast table and says to Mick "This jigsaw is so difficult" and Mick says "Just eat the Frosties !"
 
Paddy turns to Mick after he'd finished reading the death notices in the paper and said "Hey Mick, isn't it odd how they all died in alphabetical order"
 
eddie1968 said:
This is not a joke but when I was a kid I was in the chippy and asked "How much are those 10p crisps?" Duh....lol, utter embarrassment lol
Click to expand...
Down in Australia, we have 'Two Dollar Shops'..One way to upset a shop assistant is to ask how much an item is........All items are.....$2.00....hence the name!;)
 
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