Diabetic Frustration

[diabeticpoledancer]

Hello friends!

I'm brand new to this site and still figuring out how to navigate it but I found myself here and Ive been needing to let out diabetic frustration for so long, thank you in advance to anyone who reads this whole thing! I'm a 23 year old t1 girl who has been diagnosed for 15 years. Ive never been large but always struggled with my own body image. It wasn't until I discovered pole fitness nearly 6 years ago that I became more confident, started to love my body and started to take control of my diabetes again, but I still find myself in diabetic slumps a lot of the time.

When I was around 16 I found out about Diabulimia and begun omitting my insulin and excessively binge eating. I didn't tell anyone about this until I fell into DKA at a music festival 2 years later and the doctors told my mum that it was clear I had been omitting my insulin for a long time. Even though I received help with taking my injections again, I was refused help for the eating side of things by the ED clinic who said that they felt there wasn't anything they could do. Now I feel the effects of insulin omission have completely changed me as a person. As a teenager I was also diagnosed with anxiety and depression, however following an incident 3 years ago I learned that it was never depression that I had and had been wrongly treated with anti-depressants for 8 years! I am about to start CBT for borderline personality disorder and have been on anti-psychotics for almost a year now. These tablets do help, however I still struggle with my diabetic issues. I still have the extreme urge to binge eat in the evenings.. only in the evenings as I eat very clean during the day. Ive gotten a lot better at testing my blood as I used to never test (maybe one every 2 or 3 months?) and now I test 4 times a day! My head is a very dark place, sometimes (probably like all diabetics) I get frustrated and wish I never had diabetes which lead to very negative thoughts. Sometimes I feel that the negative part of my head takes over and I feel like I did when I used to omit my injections, feelings of next to no self worth combined with not wanting to get any better. This fluctuates so much with wanting to be better! I also really struggle being intimate with my partner, this extremely bothers the both of us and I spoke to my diabetic consultant about this recently to which she replied that it made sense considering how high my blood sugars have been over the years. I have beginning signs of neuropathy in my feet, although my uncle (also a t1!) shared that drinking a glass of tonic water in the evening helps with this and I agree!

This is a lot on my mind, Ive never been friends with anyone t1 before so have never been able to talk to someone who really understands. I would super appreciate if anyone with the same feelings were able to contribute to this.. how do you combat these negative feelings/binge eating/intimacy issues?
Thank you everyone, have a lovely day! <3

 

[MeiChanski]

Hello, welcome!
Sending you a huge hug. You should be proud that you reached out for help and trying your best to manage your condition and other things. I was diagnosed at the same age as you but in 2001 so insulin varieties were different and the level of care was different. I was in DKA for the first 3-4 years of secondary school, I too, faced the pressures of being a teenager and I was overweight back then so that didn't help. Diabullima wasn't recognised back then, I didn't get the help I needed and my insulin regime didn't bring my levels down. DKA stopped and things got a bit better when I was moved onto basal/bolus regime and when I decided I wanted orthodontic treatment. I couldn't get it because of my hba1c. Eventually I was able to but it took a lot of fight in me to get it.
I cannot say much on binge eating and intimacy issues but with negative feelings, I talk about it, I write it down, I scream into my pillow, practising self compassion - @Juicyj linked a very nice video for it, self mediation is also a good one, I quite like art where you spend time doodling, colouring, sticking things for an art collage. I wanted to say for your managment, please pester your diabetes team. Possibly a DAFNE or carb counting course if you haven't done one, which can really give you a better insight on carb ratios and insulin adjustment. This will help you fine tune your insulin needs, so you don't hyper or hypo as much. When things are a bit better, you can then focus on other parts of your body that need love and relationships. I promise you things will get better once you've been able to gradually bring your levels down and everything will fall into place. I will tag a few chums - @Jaylee @Mel dCP @Diakat @helensaramay @Fairygodmother

 

[Jaylee]

Hi @diabeticpoledancer ,

Welcome to the forum.

"Pole fitness." Fantastic! I've had the honer of doing gigs with PD guys in the past, at MAG rallies.

Your BGs & intimacies.. Yep, unfortunatly high BGs can affect the mood. I can personally feel "not now dear" if flying a little too far up.. (I believe it's quite common with some of the guys here.)

There does seem a lot on your mind. Please by all means keep chatting with us..
Hopefully we can all share. & help you with some deserved empowerment.

Kind regards,

J>

 

[Juicyj]

Hello and welcome @diabeticpoledancer and top marks for having the most original user name

Here's the post @MeiChanski mentioned: https://www.diabetes.co.uk/forum/threads/developing-self-compassion.167831/#post-2125802

As you've already grasped there's alot to deal with mentally in coping with type 1 management, so starting to develop a positive internal voice where you don't beat yourself up or chastise yourself internally when something goes wrong is a good starting point, the unfortunate issue with type 1 is that when we run into double figures it affects our mental ability to cope and handle situations as well as we can, simply because the body is already under pressure trying to flush out the excess glucose, and our thinking becomes slower and harder to manage, hence why it's best to aim to keep levels below 10 where you can, it does also affect appetite too so you are more likely to want to binge if running high as you're not processing the glucose efficiently in your system and the body is craving glucose, so there's many positives to getting levels into single figures. Jaylee is right, it would put any of us off being intimate, we feel rubbish so it's pretty normal to feel this way, but getting levels down will help put you in a better mood and less stressed.

Keep talking about your feelings, we are here to listen so feel free to off load here

 

[BeckyJames97]

Hey! I’m brand new here also but have been diabetic a while now. A lot of what you have mentioned is so very similar to things I have been through! Firstly, if you ever need someone to talk to then please feel free to drop me a message. I may not be able to help much but having a vent always makes you feel better! If you do get any suggestions and find these help, even just a bit, I would really appreciate also knowing as I’m struggling atm too. Hope all is well and take care!

 

[RAPS_od]

Hi, diabeticpoledancer! I'm a T1 and have been for 50 years. I can tell you that frustration is part of the diabetic condition, the part they don't really tell you about up front. It's tough to love your body when it fails, but I think you're doing the absolute right thing with pole dancing! That takes strength and agility (two things I don't have!)
My immediate reaction to your post was in the part where you talk about binging in the evening. Couple of thoughts:

• What else are you doing at that time that makes binge eating attractive? Sometimes I find I'm eating when watching TV or when I bored. My answer was to pick up my iPad and work on that while the TV's on, chewing SF gum, or (believe it or not) sitting on my hands. I just had to find a replacement habit. It's kind of like quitting smoking: even if you don't crave nicotine, there's always the 'what do I do with my hands' question. If there's a way to change your activity or setting that leaves you wanting to binge eat, try to find a replacement.
• I think many of us can relate to binge eating! My solution has been to remove the things I'd like to binge on, like cookies (yum). Now, I buy SF cookies (I found some that I like). I also keep lots of different types of nuts around, like pecans and almonds. Binges on nuts slow down quickly for me. I have a friend that keeps cauliflower around for her binges. I guess to sum it up - binge on something that won't impact your blood sugar.

High blood sugar affects your moods and muscles, so it's not surprising that it's having impact on your love life. I let my diabetes go big time out of control when I was your age and had yeast infections for 3 years straight. Ugh. Who wants to make love when everything itches!? Once I got my levels more to normal, my libido came back, too, and I started to feel human again.
I hope I don't sound preach-y. These are things I found out the absolute hard way. I would spare you that if I could.

 

[lizziewolfie]

Hello friends!

I'm brand new to this site and still figuring out how to navigate it but I found myself here and Ive been needing to let out diabetic frustration for so long, thank you in advance to anyone who reads this whole thing! I'm a 23 year old t1 girl who has been diagnosed for 15 years. Ive never been large but always struggled with my own body image. It wasn't until I discovered pole fitness nearly 6 years ago that I became more confident, started to love my body and started to take control of my diabetes again, but I still find myself in diabetic slumps a lot of the time.

When I was around 16 I found out about Diabulimia and begun omitting my insulin and excessively binge eating. I didn't tell anyone about this until I fell into DKA at a music festival 2 years later and the doctors told my mum that it was clear I had been omitting my insulin for a long time. Even though I received help with taking my injections again, I was refused help for the eating side of things by the ED clinic who said that they felt there wasn't anything they could do. Now I feel the effects of insulin omission have completely changed me as a person. As a teenager I was also diagnosed with anxiety and depression, however following an incident 3 years ago I learned that it was never depression that I had and had been wrongly treated with anti-depressants for 8 years! I am about to start CBT for borderline personality disorder and have been on anti-psychotics for almost a year now. These tablets do help, however I still struggle with my diabetic issues. I still have the extreme urge to binge eat in the evenings.. only in the evenings as I eat very clean during the day. Ive gotten a lot better at testing my blood as I used to never test (maybe one every 2 or 3 months?) and now I test 4 times a day! My head is a very dark place, sometimes (probably like all diabetics) I get frustrated and wish I never had diabetes which lead to very negative thoughts. Sometimes I feel that the negative part of my head takes over and I feel like I did when I used to omit my injections, feelings of next to no self worth combined with not wanting to get any better. This fluctuates so much with wanting to be better! I also really struggle being intimate with my partner, this extremely bothers the both of us and I spoke to my diabetic consultant about this recently to which she replied that it made sense considering how high my blood sugars have been over the years. I have beginning signs of neuropathy in my feet, although my uncle (also a t1!) shared that drinking a glass of tonic water in the evening helps with this and I agree!

This is a lot on my mind, Ive never been friends with anyone t1 before so have never been able to talk to someone who really understands. I would super appreciate if anyone with the same feelings were able to contribute to this.. how do you combat these negative feelings/binge eating/intimacy issues?
Thank you everyone, have a lovely day! <3

I have had type 1 diabetes for 47 years and believe you me l have been through the whole spectrum of emotions and negative feelings associated with this roller coaster ride of life. All l can say is keep moving forward, ok so it sucks but there is always tomorrow. When you get to my age in life and start losing you dearest to accidents, cancer, suicide, it makes you realize the best thing one can do is keep moving forward in a positive way. Binge eating is usually a physiological problem but also perhaps a refusal to accept the diabetes. When l was first diagnosed at the age of 6 my parents would catch my in the lollie cupboard in my sleep and send me back to bed. In the morning l had no recollection of it happening. My theory in life is “it is what it is” it sucks but try very hard to just move forward. Best of luck

 

[Pat13]

I too type 1, for 51 years now and have gone through much of what you have. Being diagnosed juvenile my blood sugars are often chaotic and all.over the place, but since using the freestyle sensor and reader, things are a lot easier to handle. No more finger pricking, just a swipe with the reader as often as you want to see what is happening. Speak to your doctor about getting freestyle and it should be on prescription so free.
Good luck and keep going and get back to enjoying your pole dancing and life!!

 

[ratherbegliding]

Hi there,
T1 since the age of 18 here, that was 30 years ago...

Firstly, congratulations on being brave enough to reach out on this forum! You are awesome! Never forget it.

Everyone's journey with diabetes is different.

When I was diagnosed I was about to join the military, a career path I was extremely passionate about. The diagnosis, shortly after my 18th birthday and towards the end of my actual A-level exams, was an absolute kick in the proverbials. It turned my life completely upside down.

I spent the next 10 years trying to get over it psychologically....
It's normal to feel overwhelmed/extremely frustrated/powerless to fight back at times.....sometimes a lot of the time (especially in the early years).

I too have never had a friend who was a T1 that I could talk to. In hindsight, this might have helped me through the early years I guess.

The biggest positive lesson I have learnt which has helped me the most in combating/managing the condition has been switching to a low carbohydrate/high fat, ketogenic (keto) diet.

Regular exercise would be the second most effective step.

Both require a degree of adaptation to your daily routine and effort to keep to it, but seeing the improvements in my blood sugars and how I feel helps keep me motivated.

Keep asking questions here (on this forum).
It's a safe space where there is a wealth of collective knowledge and support.

Keep 'pushing back' against the diabetes - it's a marathon rather than a sprint, but you CAN do it.

Because you are awesome!