- Messages
- 17,108
- Type of diabetes
- Reactive hypoglycemia
- Treatment type
- I do not have diabetes
I woke up yesterday morning, looked at the ceiling, I needed the toilet as usual, steadily I rolled out of bed to sit up, stretching and went about my morning routine before going down, putting the kettle on and making me and the wife a nice cuppa. As I turned on the television, let the dog into the garden, I stood at the back door leading to the garden, and took some deep breaths and thought of my day ahead. I already knew it was going to be a stressful day because of shopping, doctors phone appointment and tidying up the garden and of course, cooking and cleaning, my chores for the day.
As I listened to the news about covid and the local lockdown rules due to be enforced tonight again and understanding that I might not see my kids and grandkids for a few weeks. I thought to myself, why aren''t we on a full lockdown, to get this virus under control? I sigh and start in the kitchen, to get ready for my morning shopping. I walk the dog before heading out. I am suddenly wary.
I get back home after spending a few bob at the local supermarket and start putting things away, the fridge is full, the freezer is bursting, the cupboards are sagging, the wife is pleased, her treats are stored away from the little ones. I get on with my chores and finish the garden, I must trim the hedge again before winter sets in.
I keep myself busy and find myself in the kitchen by mid afternoon starting our evening meal. The shop was a bit harrowing before as I walked down, just ditherIng as I entered and got a trolley. I looked around to make sure there wasn't many shoppers inside, happily there wasn't and took a really deep breath, another and went in, I took my time, because my short term memory is a bit suspect, and I ensure I don't have to go back around.
I pay at the tills and with a big relaxing sigh, I walk back into the morning drizzle.
I find myself cooling down quite quickly as I now notice I had been sweating a lot in the supermarket.
The walk home was nice and eased my anxiety levels because I knew that I could relax more at home.
During cooking, the doctor phoned and during the conversation, I knew that as soon as my phone starting ringing that I would start shaking, maybe it's a man thing, but having to deal with things that were a bit daunting because I was admitting things that as a man of my generation just wasn't the norm. We had a good conversation about what was happening with me and future plans to do with my depression. Another sick note and a review of my anti depressants.
She said that she could tell by the tone of my voice that I was getting better and I did. The anger has gone and the lows had been few since we last talked, I was getting out more, visiting friends and family and playing with my grandkids always cheered me up.
Tea ate, I made a couple of phone calls and watched a bit of sport on the television.
By mid evening I started to feel a little tired and told the wife I would have an early night.
I got in bed, looked up and decided that it wasn't a bad day after all!
.................................................................................................
The binmen woke me up, it was morning, it was 7am, I looked up at the ceiling and, and felt tired, I yawned, I needed the toilet, I hate this, I turned over and despite the urgency of my bladder, I tried in vain to go back to sleep, I failed, I really didn't want to get out of bed, I had to get out of bed, I was aching and I couldn't get my brain to wake up, I staggered to the toilet and so rough, I just wanted to sit down and do nothing. I had one of those dreams that are really vivid and so realistic, it was about a previous job I had and I couldn't do the job, frustration with stress, my work life has been totally about quality. And getting the right parts at the right time.
The wife wanted her morning cuppa, I could do with a strong one myself, so I flicked on the kettle, noticed there wasn't enough water for two, I huffed and sighed and I couldn't be parsed, but I forced myself to do it, I went to the back door and kicked the dog out and shut the door and turning on the television and I sat, just staring at the screen.
The kettle boiled and I just left it, the wife shouted me from upstairs, I struggled to my feet and immediately started cursing, swearing, I just didn't want to do this. I took it up, again with reluctance, and delivered the tea.
I was breathing heavily and not in a good mood, I was so tired and felt lethargic, no energy levels and aching.
I got my tea from the kitchen, I felt as if I had travelled miles, and sat down, I had forgotten about the dog in the cold and wind, I just wanted to sit and do nothing.
I had no motivation, my brain was in neutral, my mood was sombre and I felt down. I just couldn't be *****!
I couldn't go out, not even with the dog, there was no way I could go the shops, I didn't want to speak to anyone, just my own company, I couldn't face doing my chores, I couldn't face anything or anyone, the television news was seriously not good. I felt useless, I felt as if my life was unimportant, I felt that nobody cared, I felt that I had no hope, I couldn't face the wife, nor the rest of my family, my phone rang, I ignored it, I got up trying to get my brain to wake up, I made a cuppa and I didn't do it right for either me or the wife, I got a bit angry with myself, I left the cup there and went and sat down. There were chores I had to do, there were dishes, clothes, I hadn't even had a shower yet, I knew this and my brain was telling me no, my body was not arguing with my brain. I just didn't want or had the urge to get up! In truth I just couldn't be *****!
I had plans to watch the England footie tonight with the family, I had already defrosted chicken breasts, I had every intention of preparing a salad with the chicken. I was supposed to have phone calls with people. I was intending to do my daily walk and exercise. I just couldn't!
The sun was shining in the back garden, it was quite warm and decided to sit in the garden in the quiet, and maybe read a while. The rays were warm and I closed my eyes and tried to do some breathing exercises to get out of this lethargy. I failed, I fell asleep, and after waking cold and shivering, felt if not worse. I started shaking, there was tears in my eyes, I hated this, I have had a heavy brain all day, not a headache, just pressure on my head, my eyes heavy and feeling awful, my mood was really down, I didn't want to face a future like this, it is horrible, my head was as low as I have ever felt it! I didn't feel sorry for myself, I didn't feel anything but what is my life, useless, disheartened, down, no where to go, nothing! I wanted to run away and I didn't, I just wanted to be alone. So I did. I was in the depths of depression!
I thought that the pills were working till today, I really thought that I was getting my head together. I believed that days like this were behind me. I was thinking that I was improving in as much to start looking for work.
Throughout both days, testing before and after eating and random as my mood worsened, and my lethargy was entrenched, all my readings were in normal levels. But only just at the most stressful times.
I have now just come off the phone, to a friend who has been through what I'm going through, I need to try and be positive, instead of this negativity of feeling awful, horrible, not being able to face the day ahead, not having the confidence I had just a few months ago. I want to be well again, but it's going to take time.
Even though I have just wrote this early evening, I have done nothing all day, not even dressed, I didn't get the bins in. I didn't take the dog for a walk. I have just sat all day in a slump and not bothered with anyone. I gonna have an early night. I can't do this much more. I am not going to do anything bad, but it's really awful!
If you can relate to all this, I don't want sympathy, I don't want discuss it, I don't want questions, I just want to put it out there, it has slightly helped, I should be eating, but I don't want to, no appetite, no idea what I want to eat or could eat. I'm having a really bad day.
Yesterday, was really progress, today regress and back to the hurt that was in my head months ago.
Thanks for reading.
As I listened to the news about covid and the local lockdown rules due to be enforced tonight again and understanding that I might not see my kids and grandkids for a few weeks. I thought to myself, why aren''t we on a full lockdown, to get this virus under control? I sigh and start in the kitchen, to get ready for my morning shopping. I walk the dog before heading out. I am suddenly wary.
I get back home after spending a few bob at the local supermarket and start putting things away, the fridge is full, the freezer is bursting, the cupboards are sagging, the wife is pleased, her treats are stored away from the little ones. I get on with my chores and finish the garden, I must trim the hedge again before winter sets in.
I keep myself busy and find myself in the kitchen by mid afternoon starting our evening meal. The shop was a bit harrowing before as I walked down, just ditherIng as I entered and got a trolley. I looked around to make sure there wasn't many shoppers inside, happily there wasn't and took a really deep breath, another and went in, I took my time, because my short term memory is a bit suspect, and I ensure I don't have to go back around.
I pay at the tills and with a big relaxing sigh, I walk back into the morning drizzle.
I find myself cooling down quite quickly as I now notice I had been sweating a lot in the supermarket.
The walk home was nice and eased my anxiety levels because I knew that I could relax more at home.
During cooking, the doctor phoned and during the conversation, I knew that as soon as my phone starting ringing that I would start shaking, maybe it's a man thing, but having to deal with things that were a bit daunting because I was admitting things that as a man of my generation just wasn't the norm. We had a good conversation about what was happening with me and future plans to do with my depression. Another sick note and a review of my anti depressants.
She said that she could tell by the tone of my voice that I was getting better and I did. The anger has gone and the lows had been few since we last talked, I was getting out more, visiting friends and family and playing with my grandkids always cheered me up.
Tea ate, I made a couple of phone calls and watched a bit of sport on the television.
By mid evening I started to feel a little tired and told the wife I would have an early night.
I got in bed, looked up and decided that it wasn't a bad day after all!
.................................................................................................
The binmen woke me up, it was morning, it was 7am, I looked up at the ceiling and, and felt tired, I yawned, I needed the toilet, I hate this, I turned over and despite the urgency of my bladder, I tried in vain to go back to sleep, I failed, I really didn't want to get out of bed, I had to get out of bed, I was aching and I couldn't get my brain to wake up, I staggered to the toilet and so rough, I just wanted to sit down and do nothing. I had one of those dreams that are really vivid and so realistic, it was about a previous job I had and I couldn't do the job, frustration with stress, my work life has been totally about quality. And getting the right parts at the right time.
The wife wanted her morning cuppa, I could do with a strong one myself, so I flicked on the kettle, noticed there wasn't enough water for two, I huffed and sighed and I couldn't be parsed, but I forced myself to do it, I went to the back door and kicked the dog out and shut the door and turning on the television and I sat, just staring at the screen.
The kettle boiled and I just left it, the wife shouted me from upstairs, I struggled to my feet and immediately started cursing, swearing, I just didn't want to do this. I took it up, again with reluctance, and delivered the tea.
I was breathing heavily and not in a good mood, I was so tired and felt lethargic, no energy levels and aching.
I got my tea from the kitchen, I felt as if I had travelled miles, and sat down, I had forgotten about the dog in the cold and wind, I just wanted to sit and do nothing.
I had no motivation, my brain was in neutral, my mood was sombre and I felt down. I just couldn't be *****!
I couldn't go out, not even with the dog, there was no way I could go the shops, I didn't want to speak to anyone, just my own company, I couldn't face doing my chores, I couldn't face anything or anyone, the television news was seriously not good. I felt useless, I felt as if my life was unimportant, I felt that nobody cared, I felt that I had no hope, I couldn't face the wife, nor the rest of my family, my phone rang, I ignored it, I got up trying to get my brain to wake up, I made a cuppa and I didn't do it right for either me or the wife, I got a bit angry with myself, I left the cup there and went and sat down. There were chores I had to do, there were dishes, clothes, I hadn't even had a shower yet, I knew this and my brain was telling me no, my body was not arguing with my brain. I just didn't want or had the urge to get up! In truth I just couldn't be *****!
I had plans to watch the England footie tonight with the family, I had already defrosted chicken breasts, I had every intention of preparing a salad with the chicken. I was supposed to have phone calls with people. I was intending to do my daily walk and exercise. I just couldn't!
The sun was shining in the back garden, it was quite warm and decided to sit in the garden in the quiet, and maybe read a while. The rays were warm and I closed my eyes and tried to do some breathing exercises to get out of this lethargy. I failed, I fell asleep, and after waking cold and shivering, felt if not worse. I started shaking, there was tears in my eyes, I hated this, I have had a heavy brain all day, not a headache, just pressure on my head, my eyes heavy and feeling awful, my mood was really down, I didn't want to face a future like this, it is horrible, my head was as low as I have ever felt it! I didn't feel sorry for myself, I didn't feel anything but what is my life, useless, disheartened, down, no where to go, nothing! I wanted to run away and I didn't, I just wanted to be alone. So I did. I was in the depths of depression!
I thought that the pills were working till today, I really thought that I was getting my head together. I believed that days like this were behind me. I was thinking that I was improving in as much to start looking for work.
Throughout both days, testing before and after eating and random as my mood worsened, and my lethargy was entrenched, all my readings were in normal levels. But only just at the most stressful times.
I have now just come off the phone, to a friend who has been through what I'm going through, I need to try and be positive, instead of this negativity of feeling awful, horrible, not being able to face the day ahead, not having the confidence I had just a few months ago. I want to be well again, but it's going to take time.
Even though I have just wrote this early evening, I have done nothing all day, not even dressed, I didn't get the bins in. I didn't take the dog for a walk. I have just sat all day in a slump and not bothered with anyone. I gonna have an early night. I can't do this much more. I am not going to do anything bad, but it's really awful!
If you can relate to all this, I don't want sympathy, I don't want discuss it, I don't want questions, I just want to put it out there, it has slightly helped, I should be eating, but I don't want to, no appetite, no idea what I want to eat or could eat. I'm having a really bad day.
Yesterday, was really progress, today regress and back to the hurt that was in my head months ago.
Thanks for reading.