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Living with my type 1 husband’s mood swings

Discussion in 'Type 1 Diabetes' started by KeepYourGinUp, Oct 21, 2019.

  1. KeepYourGinUp

    KeepYourGinUp · Member

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    My husband has been type 1 for over 20 years. He has been uncontrolled lately (for a long while now actually) and his mental health has taken a huge nose dive. He was prescribed a freestyle libre and is much better when wearing one but takes forever to renew prescriptions and has been without one for a few weeks now.

    He doesn’t suffer hypos often but instead lets his sugars climb dangerously high. When in this state he becomes verbally aggressive and starts saying things like he wants to take his own life. He is currently in bed swearing over and over. I’ve just administered his dose of lantus, his blood sugar reading was 18.9.

    We have a young child who he was looking after today while I was at work and is meant to be tomorrow too. I just don’t feel I can trust him to care for him properly, and that feels awful to say. I am not coping well trying to look after our son, support him properly and work part time. Any advice on how to get him to get help would be appreciated! His mood is generally low at the moment and he doesn’t feel anyone cares or listens to him.
     
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  2. Diakat

    Diakat Type 1 · Moderator
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    The first priority here must be yourself and your child. If you do not protect yourself then you cannot support anyone else. So look after yourself first.
    Talk to your husband (when his numbers are lower) about how this is affecting you.
     
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  3. KeepYourGinUp

    KeepYourGinUp · Member

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    Thank you, I will do that. I’ve tried in the past and he just says ‘I was tired’ or something along those lines and then offer to move out. I’ve learnt not to take his outbursts personally but I’m worried about leaving our child with him. I need to make him listen and take it seriously! He really does need help but nothing has been forthcoming so far, despite him telling a paramedic he felt suicidal recently.
     
  4. Diakat

    Diakat Type 1 · Moderator
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    High sugars are linked to depression- perhaps telling him that you recognise that may help him realise it is the sugar talking and not him.
    Do you have anyone near that can po in and check on them tomorrow? Neighbour or relative?
     
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  5. KeepYourGinUp

    KeepYourGinUp · Member

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    Funnily enough I’ve been googling reports of high sugars and depression to show him when he’s more stable!

    I’ve been in contact with a friend who said she can come round tomorrow if need be but she’s over half an hour away. My job is 10 mins away so if I really have to I could pop out but it’s far from ideal as I’ve only just started this job. We arranged this child care months ago, he never normally looks after our child for any length of time on his own.
     
  6. mentat

    mentat Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    When I have mood shifts I feel that my perspective is fair and the people around me are not respecting me or not caring about me. It took a very long time for me to start seeing this from an objective perspective and taking that on board when I was in that state. It's very threatening when someone suggests that things you strongly feel are true, aren't.

    Also with sugars it's a vicious cycle, I'm afraid. It sounds like he has diabetes burnout which is just made worse by terrible sugars.

    There are various approaches that may help get things back on track, for instance
    • a diet change
    • changes to his insulin regime (in the past people didn't follow a basal/bolus regime so skipping meal injections wasn't a problem, you just had to eat on time)
    • having someone take over his dosing to give him a break
    But as to what makes sense is very situation-dependent. If I were you I'd try to find an intelligent and dedicated doctor, nurse or specialist since he is very, very ill.
     
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  7. NicoleC1971

    NicoleC1971 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi. I hope you got today sorted out and feel able to leave your child? Feeling for you in this situation and as a type 1 I am sympathetic to your husband.
    However I think some tough love is called for because he is struggling and taking his family down with him. When I got depressed a while ago my husband told me to do something about it and then offered to come to the GP with me even though I did not feel that anything could be done and nobody understood etc. I think just that nudge along with support helped me to take further small steps to help myself.
    As others have pointed out type 1 is a demanding condition which can result in guilt at lack of control which can then easily turn into depression and anger but the bottom line is that you can't help him before he takes the first step.
    Do you have any family or friends who can support you through this? I do think you need to have a conversation where you are a little tougher but understand that being naturally sympathetic and not diabetic yourself you may find this difficult. However he is being passive/aggressive by offering to move out and putting it back onto you.
     
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  8. novorapidboi26

    novorapidboi26 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    He definitely needs some help with the diabetes thats for sure......

    Tough love is the way I would go......I would be confident he would be heartbroken if he was told in his current state hes not up to looking after his own child.....

    You say he got a Libre on prescription, so does that mean he has access to a decent diabetes team? What education has he had for dose adjustment?

    And did you say you administered his Lantus? Why isn't he doing it?
     
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  9. KeepYourGinUp

    KeepYourGinUp · Member

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    Hi all, thank you so much for your replies, lots of really helpful pointers and tips. I have been administering his nightly dose of insulin for a while now, guided by him but also by a finger prick test. It’s the daytime when I am at work that I know he isn’t managing it well. I can tell just by looking at him when he is high (it’s in the eyes!) but he rarely feels it.

    He has been sent a letter to go in for a diabetic review but just says he hasn’t got the time to go. I asked him to make an appointment for this evening (late surgery) and I’ll take him and go in with him but he hasn’t done that.

    It’s really helpful to hear from other type 1 diabetics about how he might be thinking in those moments as to me he isn’t making sense and cannot understand what I am saying.

    I have spoken to him a few times today and all seems fine. I have asked him to take insulin as his job is an active one so he normally keeps his levels better in check when at work but he is just at home with our son today.

    Thank you all again for your helpful advice x
     
  10. KeepYourGinUp

    KeepYourGinUp · Member

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    I am doing it as he says he wants it as late as possible at night and I go to bed after him.
     
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  11. Juicyj

    Juicyj Type 1 · Moderator
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    Hello @KeepYourGinUp Sorry to hear you are having to deal with this.

    I don't quite understand why he is not taking full responsibility for this himself ? I would never ask my partner to administer my injections, mostly because I am a control freak but mainly because it's my condition and I take ownership to ensure I am well managed. I could never pass that responsibility onto someone else unless I was physically unable to.

    Because of the complex nature of this condition and keeping it as well controlled as possible means that the person with it should take full control, is he in some sort of denial ? He needs help so can you get him to contact his team and explain what's going on ?

    With respect you have a child and a job to look after, he should be looking after himself and not putting this pressure on you.
     
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  12. JAT1

    JAT1 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    There is no excuse for treating another person badly - not even diabetes. He is irresponsible so I would not trust him and I would arrange for someone else look after your son when you are at work. What would happen if your husband went hyper or hypo with your son? If it is difficult for you to deal with your husband's behaviour, how much harder would it be for your son?
     
  13. KK123

    KK123 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I agree with the posters but maybe you could tape him whilst he is in these 'moods' and play it back to him when he is back to normal. People in his situation (swearing and worse) often have no idea what it is like to witness and how frightening it can be for others, especially children. If he is claiming he doesn't realise then this is proof. Obviously I say this with caution as I don't know what your husband is like generally or your domestic history so please don't do it if it's likely to cause aggravation. What I am sure of though is that you can't go on like this, he is NOT a child who needs his meds given to him and unless there is some mental health issue that prevents him from taking them then it should be him taking responsibility. Does he work outside the house, what is he like with his friends etc, if he is perfectly fine in social circumstances but not in the home then that too tells you something. x
     
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  14. Resurgam

    Resurgam Type 2 (in remission!) · Expert

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    'He is just at home with our child today' - I read what you wrote and my jaw dropped - sharp intake of breath too.
    Just supposed to be looking after the one irreplaceable thing in the universe.
    But might not be able to.
    Please reconsider leaving your child with your husband - is it really worth risking?
     
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  15. KeepYourGinUp

    KeepYourGinUp · Member

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    Thanks again for all the advice. This is not a regular arrangement, I work part time and our child usually goes to my parents when I am working but they are on holiday this week.

    Today they had a really good day, his blood sugars were more stable and we all had a lovely evening. That’s what I find so hard, we have such lovely family times when his diabetes is under control. I am off work next week so will be seeking some support for him and making sure he goes to the doctors! It’s been really helpful to hear views from people who are also type 1. I try to be sympathetic but of course I can never fully understand how it feels. I have a lot of real life support so will keep tapping into that x
     
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  16. lucylocket61

    lucylocket61 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I wonder, does he drive? i so, it may be possible to mention that good blood sugar levels are important for his driving, and make the connection with them also being important for other situations, like care of a child. He may be able to make that connection of how his sugars affect other areas of his life?

    One of my friends videoed her adult son, and played the video back to him after one of his 'episodes' H was shocked as he didnt realise how his blood sugars affected his behaviour.
     
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  17. KeepYourGinUp

    KeepYourGinUp · Member

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    Yes, I have thought about filming him, I think that’s a good idea and I will try it. He genuinely doesn’t remember how bad it was the next day, or after insulin.

    No, he doesn’t currently drive as he recently had cataract surgery and is waiting for the other eye to be done before he will be able to drive again. He has a very active job so when at work his sugar levels don’t get so high.
     
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