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Riding The Emotional Roller Coaster!

Discussion in 'Emotional and Mental Health' started by magicmoose, Dec 31, 2018.

  1. magicmoose

    magicmoose Type 2 · Active Member

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    For me, this seems to be the part of the forum I need the most.

    Hello I'm somewhat of an emotional eater whose suffered with mood swings and depression for more than 20 years. I currently get no mental health support.

    This last two years has seen me go through many different challenges and currently I'm at a point of constantly wondering where my life is going.

    Part of me wants to end it all - I'm not planning anything right now, as the other part of me wants to fight and make 2019 a fresh start. I don't want 2019 to be like the last three years.

    In the last year I feel I have begun to lose my identity and constantly question myself. I'm caring for a relative so often feel stuck in a rut and this is something that needs to change!

    One of my biggest issues is how lonely I am. People go on about the elderly being lonely but other ages get lonely to. I'm 41 and feel so very alone. No real family other than the person I care for. Sadly I had to end a long term friendship of 19 years this year - it's a long story... But I did what was best for me and my mental health. So especially the last six months I've been more lonely than ever.

    My plan for 2019 is to get back on track with my weight loss, I've gain a stone back and than needs to go. I'm hoping to apply for some voluntary work in the coming months just so I can meet some new people.

    Currently I've been in the midst of depression for several weeks, I don't take antidepressants as they affect my sleep immensely. Perhaps the only thing that has kept me sane this last year is writing a private diary to clear my head of the many thoughts.
     
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    #1 magicmoose, Dec 31, 2018 at 9:51 PM
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2018
  2. Rachox

    Rachox Type 2 (in remission!) · Moderator
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    Sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time. I thoroughly recommend volunteering to meet people but also to give yourself back a sense of self worth. I retired from a nursing career two years ago but didn’t want to sit at home getting bored, so I volunteer two days a week in a charity call centre. The team are lovely and appreciate my contribution to the work load and they include me in the social stuff too, such as the works Xmas lunch. I get to speak to all sorts of people over the phone and go home each time feeling fulfilled.
    I hope 2019 is better for you, all the best x
     
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  3. JAT1

    JAT1 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Depression is a nasty thing and I empathize greatly. Have you thought about where you would like your life to be heading? Do you currently have a job or is the caring you provide a full-time activity? About being lonely - I think after a 19 year relationship the contrast is a cause of loneliness. "Lonely" sounds negative, try thinking "by myself". "By myself" is strong. Better to be by yourself than surrounded by people who are fake friends. Depression is often the first step to turning your life around. I'm wishing you the strength to find your way out of the fog. Writing on this forum will help.
     
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  4. Guzzler

    Guzzler Type 2 · Master

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    Hello. Social isolation, especially from people of one's own age group can be debilitating in itself so joining a volunteer group is a sterling idea. It will get you out and about, give you a purpose and spur you on to greater stuff. I know that groups are crying out for volunteers and that the range of activities is vast.
    No one will knock on your door to invite you so put yourself out there and the sooner the better! Just to add that although Park Runs arn't volunteering as such they do offer an outlet for free excercise (at your own pace) and offer up the opportunity to meet up socially. Physical activity has been shown to aid mental health and if it comes with meeting like minded people then it's a win win situation. Good luck.
     
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  5. Diakat

    Diakat Type 1 · Moderator
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    2019 is your chance to get out volunteering and make a new start.
     
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  6. Alison Campbell

    Alison Campbell Prediabetes · Well-Known Member

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    This is the website I used to find volunteering oportunities near me when I was feeling low after redundancy https://do-it.org/

    Doing something for your community, free training, work experience and fun social events by an organisation that valued my contribution were the highlights of those 18 months. I liked it so much I accepted a paid position with them a few years ago.
     
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  7. rmz80

    rmz80 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Giving meetup.com a try could be your new year resolution. It’s a non dating socialise site
    https://www.meetup.com/
     
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  8. Boo1979

    Boo1979 Other · Well-Known Member

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  9. JoKalsbeek

    JoKalsbeek Type 2 (in remission!) · Well-Known Member

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    I think you're well on your way, taking steps to get back to good. I've been depressed for the better part of my almost 40 years, and unable to take antidepressants due to the side effects too... I get so anxious around people that seeing a shrink is entirely counter productive. I do have social interactions, but I keep them to a minimum; people are hard and mostly I keep in touch with people through facebook. (I am married, so at least i do see someone during my day. But I can't hold a job because people just scare me too much). If you're not ruled by anxiety like I am, then yes, volunteering is an absolutely wonderful idea. People need people. They make you see yourself clearer, and silence the voice that tells you the lies depression tends to tell us. (About our worth, about our usefullness etc). Also, if you're losing a sense of self, please consider doing things for you. As in, stuff you know you'd enjoy if only you'd feel better. I started doing things I knew I'd like to do if I was well, and after a while, I did rediscover some enjoyment there. I found I was a decent hobby photographer, which was a relief, because I've always been a writer and the words had started to run dry.... Now I still had a way of expressing myself, who I was, how I saw the world. Proving I was me; I still existed. (Which mostly needed proving to myself, mind you). Find out what makes you tick... If it's having a spot of tea in a nice little tearoom, spending time in a cat café (which is heaven to me, even if people tend to talk to me there), or I dunno, bungee jumping... Do something for you. If you're busy taking care of someone else all the time (and likely to be doing more of that as a volunteer), you also need to find some time to actually take care of you. Even if it's just 5 minutes in a day. Because you matter.

    As for emotional eating, for me it helps if I only have low carb snacks around to chose from. I can still binge, and not wreck my bloodsugars. ;)

    *hug*
    Jo
     
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  10. Charis1213

    Charis1213 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I know how you feel I too have been through depression since i was a little girl, I can't take antidepressants either because of my fear of medication side effects.
    I know what it is like to be alone too , I think voluntary work is idea fro meeting new people and will be a great new start .
    I wish you all the best , can't really advise much more other than trying 'open minds' who helped me through a very rough time in my life .

    xx
     
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  11. magicmoose

    magicmoose Type 2 · Active Member

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    Thanks Jo. I used to volunteer several years back for a charity but need a change this time. I do have something in mind I just need to apply and hopefully that will be in a few weeks.

    I love the idea of visiting a cat cafe, we have one in Manchester so maybe I should make a visit there!

    As for shrinks, I've truly had enough of them to last me a life time. The last one spoke to me honestly, made decent suggestions and I thought, wow she's listening, they have finally joined the dots and things are going to change. Then the letter she wrote to my GP was the same old rubbish. Everything she said to me never went in the letter. The wrong diagnosis still was there... Thankfully, this girl is so tired of bad mental health care she has taken to secretly recording conversations with mental health staff!
     
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  12. magicmoose

    magicmoose Type 2 · Active Member

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    Currently no paid work. I've not had a paid job since 2007. There was plans to go to university in 2010 and I did all the prep work with an Access Course and got accepted to several universities. Sadly the depression and anxiety saw me drop out the week before I started, so it never got off the ground. I did voluntary work for several years with a local charity which was great but since it's been several years I was with them I don't feel I can return back to them especially since it would involve working closely with the mental health trust I hate! I've found some voluntary work I like the sound of through the Do It website and intend to apply for that in the coming weeks.

    My caring role is complicated, whilst I help someone daily it's mostly mornings, so I'm free from afternoons onwards. It become more of a dependent relationship, he relies on me for certain things and I get frustrated that I can't have a day to myself! I need to learn to put myself first!
     
  13. magicmoose

    magicmoose Type 2 · Active Member

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    I love that website. I've found a role on there I really like and intend to apply in the coming weeks.
     
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  14. JoKalsbeek

    JoKalsbeek Type 2 (in remission!) · Well-Known Member

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    My last shrink told me about a contract with housing in another city, so I could get out of a bad situation quite fast.... The contract had a very specific name I'd never heard before, so it was all new to me, nothing I could've conjured up by myself. Then when my then boyfriend (now husband) was there, he said I made the whole thing up, he'd never offered any such thing, I was a liar and whatnot. That was the last lie that ******* told, because that was my very last session. (One of many lies and promises previous to that). I blew up right then and there, told him to go f himself and walked out fuming and yelling. It takes a lot for me to blow my top, because I'm scared of my own shadow, but that's the last time I asked a mental health "professional" for help. That was in 2005. So I completely get where you're coming from! I know private care is better in the Netherlands than our NHS equivalent, but I can't afford private sessions, even if I wanted to. I'm at a point in life where I've just accepted the way things are: I do what I can. Sometimes, that's all you can do.

    Cat cafe's are absolutely wonderful. I frequent one in Almere, where I've sortof gotten to know the owner because I donated during the crowdfunder phase, and she uses my pics for her social media and flyers. (She knows I have a little trouble dealing with people, and that helps when being social with her... She doesn't push for anything. :) ) And I've made it my mission to visit as many cat cafe's around the Netherlands as is do-able. Usually combined with a walking tour of old cities. Photo-ops and my favourite pasttimes/locations/animals combined. ;) Luckily, my husband loves old cities, photography and cats as much as I do. ;) I don't know about the UK, but a lot of cafe's work with volunteers here... Just a thought. :)
    Jo
     
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  15. KK123

    KK123 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi Magicmoose, you really have made a first step by recognising what is going on and seeking to do something about it. My friend was a carer and she contacted the Local authority to ask them whether they could step in from time to time and give her little breaks. I don't know what they did but they did provide someone to take over care for the odd day. Worth a thought? Also, if you're able, why don't you join a runner's beginners club?, it is such a fab way to meet new people, a good mixture of those who walk and run. At the same time, you get out in the fresh air and get some exercise, of course this doesn't immediately banish depression but I am SURE you will feel better after it and it might well have a benefit on the diabetes. The very best of luck to you love and a happier New Year. x
     
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  16. magicmoose

    magicmoose Type 2 · Active Member

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    I can't run for a bus! However, I do love to walk and make it my mission to get out with the family dog most days to the park. I know there are some walking groups local as I often see them meeting up in the park on certain days. They might be a little advanced for me at the moment as I'm a slow walker as I have some spinal problems but have found walking to help with pain levels. Might start to explore some new places with the dog, spread out wings a little.
     
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  17. magicmoose

    magicmoose Type 2 · Active Member

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    I've had private care 10 years ago in the UK it was fantastic but I can't afford it now. I've read my mental health notes and the things written in them that are incorrect is unbelievable but I don't have the energy to get it corrected!

    Once I had a good therapist and psychiatric nurse but then I was stable and so support stopped. I was promised if I became unwell again I could seek help easily - absolute joke. I remained well for two years then had a breakdown which I'm still trying to recover from. I've come to realise if your quiet and don't kick off with staff you get nothing, they just assume you are coping...

    Sadly here in the UK mental health services are going backwards not forwards!
     
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  18. JoKalsbeek

    JoKalsbeek Type 2 (in remission!) · Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry they let you down. I do find that people in all areas of care are overtaxed and can't keep up with current developments, be it in mental or diabetic areas, or anywhere else really. Some really do see it as their calling to help people. A friend of mine works with children who are deaf, blind, and autistic (and usually a bunch of other things), and she bends over backwars learning how to communicate with them through signlanguage written in the palms of their hands. Sometimes they get agressive, so she's had her fingers broken, chairs thrown at her, stuff like that... But she'll do anything for them. Over the last decade she's gotten a bigger group to care for, longer hours, and less people to cover shifts. There's too few knowledgable people there and two deaths that I know of, because of it. (Tasking interns with delicate people... Not good. But they found that out the hard way) So I know there's two sides to the healthcare coin... Still, I can't help but get mad when the ball's dropped. Either because of a complacent psych, or specialist or doc, or because the people who do their best to do the job right, get defunded so much they can't do it properly anymore. (Or worse, end up burnt-out themselves, at home).
     
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  19. T2#Me

    T2#Me · Well-Known Member

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    Hi Jo, Happy New Year. I have to ask, if you don't mind ... what is a cat cafe?
     
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  20. JoKalsbeek

    JoKalsbeek Type 2 (in remission!) · Well-Known Member

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    Happy New Year to you too!

    Cat café's are a special slice of heaven. :) They originated from Asia, from what I gather, but often the cats there are drugged so they're very calm and pet-able. Here in the Netherlands I've visited quite a few, where the cats were absolutely NOT drugged, but just, you know... Cats. Including taking off with the camera-strap, (and camera...), playfully clawing a little... :) There are house rules, like, don't wake a sleeping cat, don't pick them up, some will require you to disinfect your hands before entering and such. Food is prepared in a seperate area where the cats aren't allowed, -far as that is concerned the cafe's are more like tearooms/lunch rooms- and usually there's another cats-only area where they can withdraw from guests. Cafe's often have between 4 and 11 cats, and if done right, they like the attention. In Almere's The Coffee Cat,( https://thecoffeecat.nl/) there are now 11 of them and they adore people, playing, being petted and photographed. Naturally, it's quite task to find cats that actually like that much attention, but usually it's ran by people who are good at picking out cats who'd be happy in such surroundings, rather than stressed. I know there's one in London https://www.ladydinahs.com/ , which I'd love to visit some day. But we have our own little black panther to care for, and we can't leave him alone overnight. But one day we'll travel again, and Dinah's'll be on the wishlist. :)
     
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