Support gratefully received

[Hiitsme]

It's hard when you need to fit in with other people but at least you are aware and trying hard. Keep looking on the positives. You will get there.

 

[Pipp]

@ladybird64
It looks as though you could do with a strategy for situations such as the unwanted panini. How about making sure you have eaten something you would choose before going out? Then a coffee does not need to have a side order of unwanted food.

Could you talk about it with your nearest and dearest to get them to understand and support your diet decisions? Doomed to failure if you don't plan ahead.
Sorry if that sounds harsh, but are you a people pleaser, putting yourself last? Where your health is concerned, it is important to make your needs paramount.

 

[ladybird64]

In answer to Pipp - yeah, I am a people pleaser. I know
This might sound crazy but anyone with an eating disorder such as binge eating will understand what I'm trying to achieve - if I screw up, not to lose control entirely. Today hasn't been great, but it hasn't been an entire loss either. Two boiled eggs for brekkie , a slice of gammon and cheese for lunch - and then some chips and mince for dinner. I rarely eat chips and there weren't many so I'm not going to stress about it - since I had chemo, I can only eat my food on a tea plate so smallish portions. That was dinner, there are cakes in the house that I didn't touch and other such stuff that I haven't looked at. I did have frozen fruit but in the great scheme of things, it's not a binge (fruit doesn't really affect my bg's, only bananas and I don't touch them).

All in all, control was kept, no urges to stuff myself so overall, I'm pleased. Stir fry tomorrow, no noodles, just the meat and veg. I very much appreciate the ongoing support, it is really helping me feel in control x

 

[Pipp]

@ladybird64
Admitting the problem is halfway to solving it.
Honesty is admirable. Well done.
Can you be specific about what help you think you need?

 

[ladybird64]

@ladybird64
Admitting the problem is halfway to solving it.
Honesty is admirable. Well done.
Can you be specific about what help you think you need?

Pipp. your question flummoxed me - I've had to think really hard to answer it, and it also has made me think that this thread is a bit unsuitable for a diabetic forum, as it's more about weight than diabetes. But I've decided (if nobody minds) that I will keep it going. I honestly believe that my weight was what caused my diabetes, my overeating. I was a size 22/24 on diagnosis (HbA1c of 7.5) and as the A1c wasn't especially high, once I had started to cut out the crisps, carbs etc, it came down quickly, the weight too.
If my weight rises, I'm positive the normal levels that I have had for a few years will disappear, and I will get panicky, and lose control - so the more I eat, the worse it gets. I need support to view food as a friend, not an enemy. Before, if I slipped up, say had a packet of crisps, I would feel so **** I would have another..and possibly another after that. The mindset of "well, I've blown it already so might as well go all out and scoff" is a lifelong one, and hard to cope with. Acknowledging that I may slip up occasionally, but not losing control emotionally after that slip up is vital. It also seems to avert the need to slip up - if that makes any sense at all! I guess it's really about me ruling the food, rather than the other way around.

Writing on here has helped a lot, I feel more controlled and able to make better choices, not be scared. So support to continue with good food, reasonable portions and not looking on it as an emotional crutch is what I need. sharing seems to be providing that for me, and it's giving me something positive to work towards, an attainable goal. It's helping me see that I'm not a failure because I put some weight on, but strong because I'm doing something about it.

Hope that answers your question, and sorry if it seems long and convoluted!

 

[Pipp]

If my weight rises, I'm positive the normal levels that I have had for a few years will disappear

@ladybird64 this quote from your post really resonates with me. I have regained some of the weight I lost almost 5 years ago, and it bothers me that I could be approaching my 'personal fat threshold' once again that will tip me back into diabetes BG levels.

For that reason, I don't want you to think this thread is out of place. There will be lots in a similar position, even though they don't post they will read.

I hope you can get the support you want here, but what about closer to home? If you are making food choices around other people, it helps if they understand what you need. Are you following a particular eating regime such as low carb? Can your nearest and dearest follow that too?
Your post suggests you are carrying guilt for having T2. Are you punishing yourself for being guilty too? If so, stop. Your original weight gain could be because of insulin resistance, which in turn contributed to your blood glucose increase. I note that you also have mentioned chemotherapy. You have had a tough time. There are lots of reasons why you have diabetes. Blaming yourself will only make you feel bad and the binge eating will continue. Compassion for oneself is so very different to self pity. Don't allow guilty feelings to take hold. Forgive yourself. If you do slip up, and need to eat too much of the wrong stuff, let it go. Look for the times you make the right choices, and know you can do it again.
If putting your thoughts and feelings in here is the way forward, then keep doing it. I am certain that will also be helping others.

Bless you for your honesty, and if I ask too many questions that you don't want to answer, then don't answer them.

 

[ladybird64]

I've completely, utterly gone off the rails. I've had a really difficult week but am blaming nobody but myself for what's happened, nobody forced me to eat what I've been consuming. I know for sure that there will be weight increase so I'm not getting on the scales. Feel very low at the moment, especially as the food has made me feel like ****, physical issue too aren't helping.

Will dust myself off and try again.

 

[Hiitsme]

I've completely, utterly gone off the rails. I've had a really difficult week but am blaming nobody but myself for what's happened, nobody forced me to eat what I've been consuming. I know for sure that there will be weight increase so I'm not getting on the scales. Feel very low at the moment, especially as the food has made me feel like ****, physical issue too aren't helping.

Will dust myself off and try again.

Start of a new week so time to start again. Best wishes.

 

[Pipp]

What about your blood glucose readings, @ladybird64 ? Maybe concentrate on those for a few days?
Also, as you say your eating pattern suggests binge eating disorder. There is help available. Have you told your GP? If you can get help to develop strategies to deal with the emotional stuff, the binge eating should be less frequent.

 

[muzza3]

Hi @ladybird64

Please give yourself a break. You are obviously a very strong women to have dealt with all your other health issues, along with your diabetes and on top of that the rigors of everyday life. Not to mention the people you have helped on here. So please don't beat yourself up. You probably needed a break from the ongoing job of watching everything you eat and some form of stress relief after all you have been through (who wouldn't). So you should say to yourself that's OK I needed to get that out of the system and now I move forward.
I agree with @Pipp that your BG's are a good place to focus in the short-term and the improvement in diet and weight-loss will fall in line form there
Thanks so much for sharing and being so open
Best Wishes

 

[ladybird64]

Your words are appreciated more than you can know. I have had a rough couple of years, a house move, then cancer, then my son's death a month later but we all have our hardships in life, I know that. This is a lifelong issue and one I hoped I'd conquered but not so. I have learned to live with anxiety and depression, and am very pro-active in finding solutions to what ails, even if it does take me thirty years lol.
Pipp, I know what you're saying and it's something I've considered recently. But I'm 95% sure that by seeing the doc, I would be offered either counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy, and that's something I don't want to do so I need to do this myself. Today has been another rough one, I don't know how tomorrow will pan out but it's a new day again. Yours and Muzza's suggestion re the bg's, I've taken on board. I have no strips as I haven't tested for a while now, and it does help to focus the mind and make the connect with what I'm eating so new strips will be with me by Tuesday.

Thanks for your ongoing support folks x

Edit - positive notes for today (but seeing the time, it's probably yesterday)

1) I should do stretches to help my radiotherapy knackered hips and thighs from seizing up - haven't done them properly for months, no motivation. I did some this morning, and attempted some sit ups (an amusing sight ), so got the motivation from somewhere.
2) I signed up to the low carb education program here. I probablyt know most of it, but figure it can't do harm, and may give me extra motivation.
3) Asked for help with my main binge eating issue (snacks and grazing) in the LC forum. That's the worst part of the BE, so tackling that will be a step forward.
4) I've ordered the test strips.

I so WILL find something good in what I've done for myself each day! (and bore everyone senseless in the process)

 

[Pipp]

Your words are appreciated more than you can know. I have had a rough couple of years, a house move, then cancer, then my son's death a month later but we all have our hardships in life, I know that. This is a lifelong issue and one I hoped I'd conquered but not so. I have learned to live with anxiety and depression, and am very pro-active in finding solutions to what ails, even if it does take me thirty years lol.
Pipp, I know what you're saying and it's something I've considered recently. But I'm 95% sure that by seeing the doc, I would be offered either counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy, and that's something I don't want to do so I need to do this myself. Today has been another rough one, I don't know how tomorrow will pan out but it's a new day again. Yours and Muzza's suggestion re the bg's, I've taken on board. I have no strips as I haven't tested for a while now, and it does help to focus the mind and make the connect with what I'm eating so new strips will be with me by Tuesday.

Thanks for your ongoing support folks x

Edit - positive notes for today (but seeing the time, it's probably yesterday)

1) I should do stretches to help my radiotherapy knackered hips and thighs from seizing up - haven't done them properly for months, no motivation. I did some this morning, and attempted some sit ups (an amusing sight ), so got the motivation from somewhere.
2) I signed up to the low carb education program here. I probablyt know most of it, but figure it can't do harm, and may give me extra motivation.
3) Asked for help with my main binge eating issue (snacks and grazing) in the LC forum. That's the worst part of the BE, so tackling that will be a step forward.
4) I've ordered the test strips.

I so WILL find something good in what I've done for myself each day! (and bore everyone senseless in the process)

Good for you!
Small steps. Don't get dismayed if some steps are back instead of forwards. It happens.
Fully understand that you don't want to see a therapist. I always believe we are our own best therapist anyway. Just sometimes we need help to focus.

I have found this resource vvery useful. You may find your own way, but perhaps would take a look.

PDF]Training Our Minds in, with and for Compassion - Compassionate ...
www.compassionatemind.co.uk › trainin...

 

[chocoholicnomore]

I've just found this thread. I can fully appreciate your thoughts, especially the one about "I've blown it now" so may as well binge. I got my test strips today, tested and it was 5.3.......so I celebrated with a packet of jaffa cakes!
On reading your posts it sounds as if you are doing really well and in the main you are very positive and pro active. You've always been an inspiration to me and I know if you can do it then anyone can. You have been through so much and no one can blame you for binge eating or comfort eating. You know you've conquered it before and lost so much weight and I'm 100% sure that you can do it again. I'll support you in any way I can. Good luck x

 

[ladybird64]

Some very interesting ideas on the "Snacks" thread I started, both in terms of food ideas, and also the psychological aspects of comfort eating/bingeing. I recently bought a book that also raises some of the issues that the good people of the forum have mentioned - pardon the pun, but food for thought.

I've been trying to cut out the carbs for the past few days but realise I need to watch the fat intake too, I've also started to check my bloods. I've had a couple morning ones of 6.3 and 6.4 which really peed me off, but this morning it was 5.4, so better.
This evening I had the other portion of something I made last night, a cauli and cabbage cheese, sauce made without flour, just some cream, milk and cheese, then baked on the oven. I had it with some slices of cold meat and just tested, 7.3.
I'm not sure whether to be pleased with that or not, I was aiming for the sixes before. It seems a bit high to me, especially as there were not really any carbs in it, or am I expecting too much?
Edit - Getting my threads muddled, ideas on eating is in the "portion control" thread.

 

[ladybird64]

According to the scales, I've lost 6lbs since Monday! I had a bit of a binge on the almonds (****, they're tasty!) but apart from that, no pasta, rice or spuds at all. Feeling very positive today, and grateful for the support I'm receiving, it's really helping me x

 

[chocoholicnomore]

Well done! That's fantastic. Keep up the good work. You're doing great

 

[Hiitsme]

According to the scales, I've lost 6lbs since Monday! I had a bit of a binge on the almonds (****, they're tasty!) but apart from that, no pasta, rice or spuds at all. Feeling very positive today, and grateful for the support I'm receiving, it's really helping me x

Good progresss. Hopefully this will encourage you to keep going.

 

[ladybird64]

I'm checking in daily, hope nobody minds. Helps me to keep focused for the time being. Well, Easter Sunday. After low carbing all week, I had my plan for today, a full roast dinner (I do only eat from a side plate though), I would eat some pudding today, and a mini hot cross bun. That would not provoke the cravings from hell, this was my plan. My neighbours came round three hours ago with two chocolate Easter eggs! But..
It's been ok. No brekkie, I do find that coffee with cream keeps pangs at bay, lunch was some fried peppers in tomato sauce (doesn't spike me), halloumi cheese, 2 small crackers with pate. Dinner, half a roastie, savoy cabbage, squash, few carrot slices, some parsnips and stuffing - rhubarb crumble after. I should point out that gravies, carrots, tomatoes etc don't spike me so I know I'm ok with any veg, same with stuffing. Pud was nice and I didn't feel guilty at all (I'm not a pud person anyway). I had an apple this morning (fine again) but that's it, no desire to eat more, no "triggering" of that feeling that now I'd started, I may as well really let loose for one day..none of it. And no desire to attack the eggs, or choc in the fridge.Plus, I haven't had the bun! Too full and listening to my tum instead of my mind! I will allow myself the bun tomorrow, but I'm fairly confident that I will be ok - which feels good
PS. Bg's was 7.3.

 

[Hiitsme]

I'm checking in daily, hope nobody minds. Helps me to keep focused for the time being. Well, Easter Sunday. After low carbing all week, I had my plan for today, a full roast dinner (I do only eat from a side plate though), I would eat some pudding today, and a mini hot cross bun. That would not provoke the cravings from hell, this was my plan. My neighbours came round three hours ago with two chocolate Easter eggs! But..
It's been ok. No brekkie, I do find that coffee with cream keeps pangs at bay, lunch was some fried peppers in tomato sauce (doesn't spike me), halloumi cheese, 2 small crackers with pate. Dinner, half a roastie, savoy cabbage, squash, few carrot slices, some parsnips and stuffing - rhubarb crumble after. I should point out that gravies, carrots, tomatoes etc don't spike me so I know I'm ok with any veg, same with stuffing. Pud was nice and I didn't feel guilty at all (I'm not a pud person anyway). I had an apple this morning (fine again) but that's it, no desire to eat more, no "triggering" of that feeling that now I'd started, I may as well really let loose for one day..none of it. And no desire to attack the eggs, or choc in the fridge.Plus, I haven't had the bun! Too full and listening to my tum instead of my mind! I will allow myself the bun tomorrow, but I'm fairly confident that I will be ok - which feels good
PS. Bg's was 7.3.

That wasn't bad for Easter Sunday. Now you've got to keep going.

 

[muzza3]

That wasn't bad for Easter Sunday. Now you've got to keep going.

Hi Ladybird

Great to see you measuring you BG's and getting on top of things. Easter is one of those big events for all of us diet ways but seems to me like you have dealt with it really well. I think its great that you keep on posting while you get over this bump in the road
Cheers