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Terminal and Scared

Discussion in 'Diabetes Complications' started by kman, Nov 1, 2013.

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  1. duranie

    duranie Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Paul, thanks for the encouraging story.
    I've got 7 fractions of radiotherapy and 5 meats of chemo tablets left a I'm anticipating surgery followed by more chemo - but they can't give me Oxycisplatin which is the standard post surgical drug due to my pre existing neuropathies.
    As I say though I've been told treatment is curative not palliative. The PET scan showed up
    Ok as there had been a small area of concern in my liver - onwards and upwards!


    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  2. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    I agree, Never Ever Stop Fighting, Just because I have too DIE, doesn't mean I can't fight, Just like all the brave souls on here battling cancer and or complications of Diabetes, or other dreadful illnesses, I think too that the wonderful support and empathy here in the forum goes an awful long way towards that fight,

    Folks PLEASE Don't think that because I know, admit and have largely come to terms with dying, . that I. have given up fighting, I fight EVERY single day, small battles, large battles, nd all sorts of demons, I fight to maintain dignity, to stay with my family and to have whatever extra time I can with them, I Love them way too much to give up.

    Knowing your dying isn't the same as giving up, . Knowing your dying just gives you an idea how long the battle might last,
     
  3. fatbird

    fatbird · Well-Known Member

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    IF you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
    If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;
    If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
    Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
    And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

    If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
    If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same;
    If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
    Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

    If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
    And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breathe a word about your loss;
    If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
    And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

    If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
    If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
    If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
    Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
    And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

    Kipling

    FB
     
  4. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Fatbird, I really love that, didn't know it before, thank you for posting it. :D
     
  5. Yorksman

    Yorksman Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for your kind words.

    During the time, my friend's mother told me of an operation she had back in the late 1990s, ostensibly to remove a polyp. When she woke after the op she was informed that they discovered a large cancer that had fused some of her organs around her abdomen and that they had successfully removed it and that 'we will get another couple of years out of you yet'.

    She was not impressed at this attempt to make light of it and set out in a more determined manner. 14 or 15 years on we celebrate her 80th birthday and my mean bu**er of a mate has her sanding down the paintwork on the window frames in properties that he renovates. Stay positive.
     
  6. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Pain levels high, struggling at the moment, hoping to post tomorrow, PLEASE be patient !
     
  7. Robinredbreast

    Robinredbreast Type 1 · Oracle

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    Hello Kman I have read through a few of the posts and I can relate more to what your family are going through and what they will eventually go through.

    It's not diabetes related but definitely a lifestyle choice that cost my daughters dad to die in 2013. She was only 11 then and he was in hospital for nearly 5 months. I knew all to well what the outcome would eventually be but hope was always there in my daughters heart and mind. Some days he seemed to perk up and other days, not so good.

    I will never forget the day I picked my daughter up from after a school netball match, knowing what I did as he died early that morning. She was chatting away and I kept a brave face on , fighting back the tears of what I knew I had to tell her. We got in the house and she went into the front room and I said in a croaky voice " ****** I have something to tell you" she looked at my face and she shouted no, no and just screamed and screamed and sobbed in my arms until we both were on the floor, it was absolutely devastating and it still chokes me to this day. She has been remarkably brave and showed maturity beyond her then,11 years, and I am truly grateful for such a lovely child and I know her dad would of been so proud of her, even though she still has her moments of sadness. I hope you don't mind me sharing this with you.

    I WISH YOU

    When you're lonely
    I wish you Love

    When you're sad
    I wish you Joy

    When you're discouraged
    I wish you Hope

    When your spirit is low
    I wish you Beauty.

    When you're troubled
    I wish you Peace.

    With heartfelt wishes for a peaceful journey.

    RRB
     
  8. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Thank you so very very much for your very very touching story Robinredbreast, Have sent a PM.
     
  9. Robinredbreast

    Robinredbreast Type 1 · Oracle

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    THE LIFE THAT I HAVE

    The life that I have
    Is all that I have
    And the life that I have Is yours.
    The love that I have
    Of the life that I have
    Is yours and yours and yours.

    A sleep I shall have
    A rest I shall have
    Yet death will be but a pause
    For the peace of my years
    In the long green grass
    Will be yours and yours and yours.

    Leo Marks

    RRB xx
     
  10. bunzorunny

    bunzorunny · Member

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    Hi,
    I have been a diabetic for 56 years since birth, in the last 4 years I have defied all traditional medicine doctors have told ME, again and again; there is nothing we can do for you! They told me there was no hope for me; full stop end of!!!!!

    Can you imagine how I felt when I walked out of the hospital and walking down the corridor! OMG, I am in tears at the thought of it :cry: "THEY TOOK AWAY THE ONLY THING I HAD LEFT - MY HOPE" it made me so down, I did not think there was any possibility of anyone else being able to help me. I WAS SO, SO, WRONG! Stupidly, I thought that if a doctor could not help me - it would be natural to advise you if anyone else can. But oh no, that was not the case at all the doctor just shrubbed his shoulders and said to me what do you think I am a magician!

    That was a serious wake up call for me! When I walked down that corridor I had to fight back the tears in order to get out of the hospital in one piece. Because I got a big lump at the back of my throat and I felt like I was choking!

    Since then, I have managed to pave the way for a new beginning on my own, for the last 11 years with research and 56 years of experience. Wow, its been mind blowing how I have changed my life and quality of health. YOU CAN DO IT, DO NOT LET ANYBODY TELL YOU ANY DIFFERENT! If I can do it you can do it. I am writing a guide at the moment to help other Diabetics - cause it is my passion and life's work. We are all individuals and are genetics are different so what suits one might vary slightly for another, as I said each has his own strengths and weaknesses. I tell you this not to brag, but in the hope that I can inspire you so that you can pave your own way. I feel very blessed and honoured to have achieved such a goal and believe that everyone can if they put their mind to it. http://myhealth4life.wordpress.com/

    Remember, Doctors manage Dis ease, NOT ,Health; Medicine never cured any diabetic! I will be updating my web page next, I have been doing my book and studying. Watch out its coming up soon!

    Take care

    Bless you

    BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND YOU CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING!!!!!!!
     
  11. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Pain at very very worst, Mood low, Sorry Folks.
     
  12. Mad Dad

    Mad Dad Type 2 · Member

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    I hope there is some improvement soon.. Thinking of you
    Dave
     
  13. tizzy

    tizzy · Well-Known Member

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    Hope today has been better for and tomorrow better still tizzy
     
  14. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Right now the pain in my hands, arms, feet and legs is more unbearable than I could possibly describe, for the last 2 1/2 Days I have had Crocodiles eating the bones in the entire length of all the aforementioned limbs ( for explanation read earlier posts ), whilst someone pours King Cobra venom through my veins before dipping my skin into industrial solvents. .... ok so now you think I'm being overly melodramatic right ?

    NO .... and if you DON'T believe me .... I would gladly take a few days off from the excruciating pains .... BUT do You REALLY REALLY Want to take my place, do you really want to find out what it is like to be in my shoes,

    I AM NOT BRAVE, in any way shape or form, I am not being strong, I'm not even a particularly good guy, No what I am is a sad worthless useless human being, who having had warning after warning, still didn't change, still didn't learn until the day he was told he was DYING,

    Today my wife, my Angel, My Love has been sobbing her eyes out until they are red and sore, WHY ? Because I'm in such awful pain, and have not been coping the last few days, because I've been snappy and snarly , because I've begged to be allowed to Die, because I can't fight anymore, because I'm not Brave enough, I'm not Strong enough, Nor in any way shape or form AM I Good enough,
    Get it straight guys and gals, I'm DYING, not gracefully, not quietly, not with any kind of honour, NO I am DYING kicking and screaming into the fires of hell. .... or at least it feels very much like that,

    So turn around at look at your partner, imagine them crying, sobbing the worst you've ever seen them upset, now look back at yourself. .... You caused it, it's down to you that she's crying,you HUG for ages, but she's still got eyes full of tears, and each time she leaves the room you hear more sobbing,

    And now your hating yourself, but still the pain is intensifying, Still I beg for it to end, still I ring my mum aged 76, crying that I can't cope with anymore,

    Now you'll think me selfish, oh yes. .... I am selfish, I don't want to be in pain, but I still beg those I love to put me out of my misery, is it selfish to do that. .... Of course it is, but please tell me how not to be selfish in this situation,

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Don't be like me, don't put all of this horror on to your partners, PLEASE Don't get in this state, Don't end up DYING in excruciating pain, but even more excruciatingly don't see them sob their heart out don't let them pray to take the pain for you, don't let them beg GOD to take them instead ( Yes I did overhear her !!! ),

    PLEASE keep your Diabetes in check, Eat Well, Stay Safe, Don't Die .... For a very very very long time !

    PS to further explain the debilitating pains and physical difficulties, I should further explain this has taken me 2 Hours and 11. Minutes to type this post
     
  15. NicolaB70

    NicolaB70 · Guest

    Hi Kevin
    Having just read this, I for one and I'm sure many others here don't think your "a sad worthless useless human being". I hope your pain eases for you soon. Hugs to you and your family.
    Nicola


    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  16. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Thanks NicolaB70, this morning's pain is a little easier. Hoping that lasts a few days,
     
  17. ShelleyHarris1981

    ShelleyHarris1981 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Wow, sitting here crying. You may feel weak etc but what you have done just was inspirational.

    take comfort where you can in your gorgeous family.

    Many hugs x
     
  18. radar64

    radar64 · Newbie

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    Mate never give up hope
    You sound just like my dad and he left us several years ago with the same drug filled liver and despair, it drove me and my family to the edge
    Then I found out I had been harbouring the same genetic disposition and low and behold I was confirmed type 2 with the outlook of a 56 birthday in a cardiac ward just like dad and granddad before me
    I did the drugs and as expected like the rest of the family my only chance was high quantities and insulin city
    My young wife of a few years was sat down by my family and they explained the next few years of her life caring for me , the EDS ( which all young brides are delighted about I'm sure !) the hospital visits the potential amputations ( another lovely family trait) and the long term care for someone most probably having faced heart problems at a relatively young age
    And thank goodness she said No! We looked at everything and I mean everything until we discovered the newcastle diet
    2 months of restrictive calories and I am diabetic clear
    It's not as tough as you expect
    I said what do I have to lose and went for it
    Ditched the meds and took control
    Just so you understand my BGL was jumping from 18 - 26 and I was eating everything organic or non carb I could find but had no contr whatsoever
    I am possibly the biggest sceptic out there but it did make sense the thinking behind it
    Remove the fat around the liver pancreas and other organs and you have a chance
    In 7 days I was down to bgl 9 and then a week and a half later I hit the magic number 5
    I plateaued a bit but that's to be expected
    But more than the blood glucose level everything on my body from thrush , skin conditions , cholesterol levels blood circulation you name it I don't even have dandruff it's bizarre
    The way I look at it going off meds for a couple of months is not going to do a thing to your condition so what have you got to lose? Read doctor rods thesis and google newcastle diet . There is one video of and old lad who was like you at his wits end and he has twenty years on you
    You owe it to yourself and family to try anything but listen to your body and you will know if it is helping
    Hope this offers some hope and let us all know how you get on as it makes all this medical none sense worth it if we can just help one person
    Take care
     
  19. spats

    spats · Member

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    Hi, I know that this is weeks away from your first plea for support, but will put in my pennyworth anyway.
    I had a long history of super - sensitivity to statins and was in a no-touch zone for years. This was treated by a using Tricyclic drug, but not introduced VERY slowly. It was 'cured ' during an anaesthetic,only to return with the introduction of another drug.
    I again had the beginnings of severe disabling drug induced pain and was almost unable to walk and could not drive my new car, but this time my doc had had more experience in pain management and as the waiting list for the special clinic is months long we opted for practice based treatment.
    I was started on the minimum dose of Nortriptylne (get one without colouring as you may have a super-sensitivity to drugs, and colour is a great problem), to increase by one dose every TWO weeks up to 75mg. with much better control of severe pain. This takes ages BUT six months before I had tried the FULL dose and it did not work, so, If you are able to try, do not rush into the full dose!!
    I do hope things can get better for you, despite the collection of drugs. (Are any acting against each other to make you feel so bad??)
     
  20. WhitbyJet

    WhitbyJet · Well-Known Member

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    WOW well done radar, impressive, thanks for posting, just goes to show what can be achieved, never say never; all the very best to you and our family
     
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