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Terminal and Scared

Discussion in 'Diabetes Complications' started by kman, Nov 1, 2013.

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  1. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    OK let's get this straight, I am NOT Defeatist, Nor am. I Giving up, And most definitely believe in Hope and Miracles,

    But I. am also a Realist, and Sometimes Things ARE indeed Certain,

    My point here is that I AM incurable, and I AM Dying !!

    The nature of the illness and problems I currently have is such that I have most unfortunately passed the Point of No Return,

    Many many of you offer empathy, love and. understanding,

    Many offer Advice,

    All try to Comfort,

    But sometimes Facts are. Facts,

    I Have NOT Given In, I still Hope.

    But NOW I hope for different things. ..... Like a few more months with my family, a little less pain, and that NONE of you follows me and Dies in this terrible terrible way,

    PLEASE PLEASE understand, I do hope, I do try, but the actual Medical Facts are that due to nerves dying every one of my major organs are beginning to fail, th I s is not temporarily, this is a permanent unrepairable condition due to the fact I didn't learn soon enough,

    Think about this. EVERY Major Organ !

    Sooner or later in the rather too near future my body will CEASE to. WORK, This Solely and Completely due to my over eating all the wrong foods, too few of the right foods, and far far too little exercise for years and years on end !

    Don't worry I Don't think I Deserve to be punished by God, NO. I Will and am being punished by my own body. .... PLEASE Learn from my mistakes, Not all would end up like me, but PLEASE PLEASE Don't be one that does. .... Don't take the Risk. Don't DIE !

    I BEG YOU .... PLEASE PLEASE DON'T be ME !!!
     
  2. zand

    zand Type 2 · Master

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    Hi kman

    No you are certainly not weak or silly. I read your comments earlier and vowed to change my ways before it's too late for me...and next thing I know I had eaten two biscuits. It's really hard and I feel for you. I hope you get the right help and care for you now.... and also for your family. Thinking of you
     
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  3. bitchcuddle

    bitchcuddle · Newbie

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    Hi.to you and every body.I feel so sorry and upset.you have scared me.l was told that I was prediabetes in july.l never how bad diabetes is to now. I just want to say you sound a great person please don't give up because of your family.where there a way there a will.angela
     
  4. missy789

    missy789 · Member

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    Hi Kevin

    1st, you're not pathetic or weak. you're human and to admit you're scared is a human thing. 2nd, I understand where you are right now, I have numerous complications plus pain from a neurological condition and arthritis and neuropathy. I also suffered a diabetis stroke end of April this year and lost enough of my sight so I could no longer drive. It's not easy, I know, but you just have tp count your blessings (your wife and son) and go on the best you can, making the most of what time you have left. We all have to die and when the stroke occurred, I thought that was mine. My best wishes to you and your family and you know, crying is good for you, it helps release the tension and hurt you feel (I dont mean the pain).
     
  5. Robinredbreast

    Robinredbreast Type 1 · Oracle

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    K and W

    Sending you both my love and the strenght for you Kevin to keep posting.

    I had a phone call this afternoon from a lovely aquantaince who was told 10 days ago, he has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer andcits terminal. He knows what the outcome with be but he aid he will fight it to the end and wants to spend christmas with his family and start chemo after christmas. I'm gutted.

    XX for you both.

    RRB
     
  6. Mad Dad

    Mad Dad Type 2 · Member

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    Thanks for your PM Kevin. I'm replying through the forum because I'm not allowed to send PMs yet.
    I don't think anyone on this forum thinks you are letting anyone down if you don't post for a couple of days. I'm sure everyone understands how difficult it can be for you at times. So don't beat yourself up over it and save your energy for the fight ahead to be with your family for as long as possible. Take heart and encouragement from everyone you are helping by being brave enough to bear your soul in the hope of helping others.......
    Thinking of you and your family...
    Dave
     
  7. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Thanks to everyone who are sending us such kind thoughts, and sticking with the thread, I think some however have perhaps misunderstood my posts, and think I am NOT making themost of my time with my family, or not appreciating them, or even that I fail to understand the impact on them. .... NOTHING Could be further from the truth !

    I am spending every possible moment with Wendie and our Son, we are making all the MEMORIES we can , and making the most of Living life until I do die, We are for instance moving into a wheelchair adapted house within the next 3 weeks, and ordering me a new QUICKIE JIVE M POWERCHAIR ( WHEELCHAIR ) , Giving me so much more independence, but even more important this will free Wendie from having to push me around, and mean I can do more around the house, shopping, hobbies etc. BUt the best of all I will be able to walk our Dog Delta, I haven't been able to do that for years, I've missed our walks, and I can take my camera too I love to photograph wildlife,

    So please don't think. I'm not still fighting this, or that I've given up on life or my family, that will never ever happen, yes I have days when I get very down, . I am after all dying in lots of Pain. ..... It is not however the Be All and End All of me or my life, please Don't forget I am bearing ALL on this thread, as and when it comes, so my words may not be perfect, but then nor am I,

    As soon as we are in possession of our new House Keys we are starting our move, I of course can do little to help, but I do have organizational skills so I can be a small part of that,

    I'm also scared of the move, I hate moving, although this time it's a good move, for our benefit, so wish us luck. ... and if anyone wants to buy us a new. .... ??? LOL !

    Life is ALWAYS full of complications for all of us, Dying is ONLY one of those complications, and we ALL have to make the most of what life throws at us, we are coping in our own way, and your support is a tremendous help, but also please don't end up in this situation, please Don't end up putting your family through this,

    We will get stronger through this, I hope you will also all gain from My story as I head towards my final days,

    With Warmest of Regards,
     
  8. vyk1

    vyk1 · Member

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    Hi ya. Really sorry for your pain and suffering my friend. I am a t1 and have been for 21 years. So much has changed since finding out that I had diabetes. Starting off as a teenager who didn't give a **** and just following orders, to a very scared 40 year old, married mum of 5. I just don't get it, which I think is the hardest problem I have. I have had to change brands, change dosage, change times. But I'm still completely out if control. The latest is having to learn to weigh my food(keep telling them it's not that easy), but get shot down with the usual if you can't help yourself then who can? Well someone out there must be able to, right? Wrong... I'm in no-Nan's land at the moment. Already been through 3 toe jobs and now have minor bleeds in both eyes(nothing major at present). I have read about joint pain, which I have. Have read about gastro probs, which I also have. Have been advised that I would be a perfect candidate for the pump, but I live in the wrong postcode...I mean how bad do we really need to be before someone says "hang on, something's not right here" and actually asks if there is something we need help with? Well actually yes, I do need help. But not in the sense of sitting in the classroom learning about this ****. Just give me some "realistic" stuff to go on. My head is definitely in the sand and I can't find my way out... I really wish you the best my friend, and hope that they can help you out of this someway. Take care. Xxx
     
  9. Morganator

    Morganator · Well-Known Member

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    I don't feel you are being defeatist, you accept you are dying, but by god you are going out kicking and screaming for which you have my utmost respect.
    My thoughts are with you, your wife and son, keep giving two fingers to the diabetes and post when you can. TC xxxx

    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  10. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Again that is to everyone for the support and the input to the thread, but especially to vyk1 that must have taken so much to share, I'm sorry about the toe jobs, as yet I've been lucky and had no amputations, and their very scared to put me on a table now. ... I'm just to big a risk .... the Big Sissys. LOL. !

    Today has been very painful, but in the scheme of things a better day, even manage to go shopping with Wendie in my chair, but boy it wore me out, Roll on getting my QUICKIE JIVE M POWERCHAIR, should get that within a month of moving house,

    Folks. If you want to see what it's like to be disabled, spend a day in a manual wheelchair doing everything g you normally do, but from the chair, No cheating, I think you'll be surprised, and very scared,

    Then if you take someone in a wheelchair anywhere just remember the experience,, it will change how you do it, I Promise,

    Well I'm totally shattered, so it's a bit of TV and then early to bed for me tonight,

    Sleep Well

    Stay Safe
     
  11. Morganator

    Morganator · Well-Known Member

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    Hope your going to pimp those wheels when you get them. xxx

    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  12. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    FERRARI Formula 1 Racing Powerchair. .... LOL. !
     
  13. Janiept

    Janiept · Expert

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    This reminded me of a chap I encountered when I was out for a walk yesterday.
    He was sitting on icy cold steps trying to manoeuvre his way down to the entrance to a block of flats. He was an elderly gentleman and had only one leg.
    He was also trying to manhandle his wheelchair alongside him down the steps.
    Needless to say I asked if there was anything I could do to help i.e. push the wheelchair....... anything, but,no, he was adamant that he could manage.
    I have not been able to put him out of my mind since. Of course I respect his independence but should anybody be in a position like that? Very humbling.
     
  14. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Indeed Humbling Janlept, unfortunately these things occur all too often, but as you say. ... It NEVER Should !
     
  15. annepgill

    annepgill Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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  16. vyk1

    vyk1 · Member

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    Kman, no wonder your'e knackered having wendie in your chair too!!! Sorry, couldn't help myself!:) haha. Are you sure there is no way of sending this arse somewhere it might be wanted? I don't want it anymore. I've had enough of daily struggles. My fingers hurt, my injection sites hurt, my brain hurts. Who said I wanted this in the first place? You know, I constantly read "heroic" tales of how they beat diabetes, how they will not let diabetes rule them. I'd love to know how they got there! I just can't my head round any of it. It does rule me and I guess it always will. I look at what you write and don't know wether to virtually shake your hand or cry on your shoulder. I feel very selfish moaning about not getting it when you are facing a much bigger struggle than I, although I have been told very bluntly by a diabetic specialist that I will die and leave my 5 children without a mum while they are still so young. Needless to say he didn't much care for my response and I have not been back! I don't need telling off-I need some bloody help. Kman, tell Jennie to get her own chair my friend:) xxx
     
  17. vyk1

    vyk1 · Member

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    *wendie not Jennie stupid auto correct...
     
  18. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    Prayers please for my family and I, We sign for our new Adapted House, and receive the keys tomorrow morning before 9am, it's a bit scary, and we still have lots to do, Anyone want to volunteer to help LOL. ?

    Pain levels high but manageable today, but breathing is very difficult, mood good, excited and scared over the move.

    Thanks Folks.

    Warmest Regards.
     
  19. Morganator

    Morganator · Well-Known Member

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    When's the housewarming party?
    I apologise if you feel I'm being insensitive but I'd rather wish you some fun before you leave xxx

    Sent from the Diabetes Forum App
     
  20. kman

    kman Type 1 · BANNED

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    LOL. :D :lol: No problem Morganator. ... You bring the Champagne ( French ) and the Ferrero Roche ... Who's bringing the Smoked Salmon ?
     
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