Type 1 and Married Life

Fairygodmother said:

Is your husband unable to understand the ways a hypo affects you? There's a very big difference between genuine instability and the changes we suffer because of low blood sugars, but not everyone is able to disassociate the two. Despite this, I find it distressing that he's describing your hypos as an 'unstable condition' rather than helping you when they happen, and that he uses them against you in arguments.
@Juicyj's advice on basal testing's good. And have you looked at the clip she sent of the reporter's on air hypo yet? Have you shown it to your husband?
Ultimately, even though we thrive if our husbands are both sympathetic and helpful, it's up to us to find a way to live best with the lovely gift of T1. (I find irony helps.) I'm aware as I write this that having another person who cares that I'm well takes away some of the fear of a bad hypo. My husband and I lived apart for a year. During that time I had a few night time hypos that were unnerving. I think it was fear of them that affected my decisions about our relationship, and it's one of the reasons I like irony.
We're back together now. I'm currently trying to get to grips with changes in insulin needs that have occurred over the last few months and we've just talked together about strategies to solve some odd readings. I wonder sometimes what life would be like now if we'd not reunited. To paraphrase what Chaucer said, life's certainly uncertain. I wonder, too, what life would be like now if I'd been on the Dafne course back then rather than a few years later. Even though, like you, I've been T1 for a very long time, the ways it's managed have changed enormously. Insulins, testing equipment, carb to insulin calculations, etc etc. The Dafne course brought this old dinosaur up to date and enabled me to exercise far more control over the ways I live with T1. Have you got a similar access to ways of assessing carb values and ratios to insulin in Chennai? I'm attaching a link to an online version. Each region in the UK seems to have renamed the Dafne course; this one' called Bertie. https://www.bertieonline.org.uk/
I really hope that you find a good way to change the situation you're in!

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Juicyj said:

Hello @SHmano https://www.bertieonline.org.uk/ this is an online course so doesn't matter where in the world you are, it's worth taking a look if it helps you manage better

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donnellysdogs said:

T1 is part of you and He married you "in sickness and in health".....

Now, for me I had T1 way before I met my hubby. He was scared stiff at the intensity of some of my night hypo's. So much so that he would go to kitchen to get my favourite hypo stopper (milk and sugar), give it to me and walk away and turn tv on in middle of the night!! He was confused about me doing stupid things like running round the house naked! He made sure all the windows and doirs were shut (he would shut windows if I was screaming or being annoying and shouting....

However, I sat him down and explained that I didnt know what I was doing on some of fhe scarey ones... but the best thing that I wanted was for him to sit down on the bed and just hold me safe... that is truly all I wanted and he would have done it if he knew what to do for me but my antics (running out into garden to have a wee)... he priortised keeping me safe first and then he knew that I would come out of the shouting stage and then he would come back in..

All it took waa for me to tell him how to help me and not be scared.

We met and married within 5 weeks, so he must have thiught that he married a real Jekyll and Hyde!! Lol..

For me severe hypos that bad only came with my bloods dropping quickly whilst I slept.. from things like shift changes, not carb counting properly but guestimating, certainly never knew about basal testing back then.....and also if we had alcohol they were more severe.

I would do some night checks and basal testing and the bertie online... also for yourself look at the food/alcohol you had on day before any hypos.

There are cgms that would alarm you if levels dropping quickly-therefore you may be able to treat them before they occur... and they will give you more idea what is happening...

I would suggest that you both go to the Counsellor... this has become a problem for the two of you..
He married you...
Vowed to look after you
Hypos are part of illness that is part of you
He needs to man up and help you rather than be hypo horrid to you.

Or when you are both calm, grab a cuppa and sit opposite each other at a table... and talk openly and honestly and set out those groundrukes and nobody leaves table until a better understanding is gained and a new way is accepted...
Board members, managers, dont talk in bed with the rest if the executive, they arent cosy on a settee together.. they make all important decisions collectively at a table looking at each other.. this shoukd be the same for marriage too... if you have major decisions to make, do it over a cuppa at a dining room table. It takes the heat out of emotions.

I actually think thats why its good to go out for dinner when partners meet... its not all about the kissing and cuddling and doing things.. its how you react in conversations... and the best place for conversations are at a table opposite each other...

I havent had severe hypo's for years now but I well remember sitting hubby down and explaining what help I needed from him. Even though on occasions I couldnt remember everything I could always clearly remember parts of my lunatic periods.

I never had daytime mood changes from hypo's. Even thiugh I may have had one during tge night I coukd still go in to work and manage up to 600 men and women.

I would consider though... if you can go into work the next day okay, then this may be something that is relating more to him... ie are you knowing tgat he's going to be annoyed, so you are already in a fearful frame of mind. Ecause of that? Your colkeagues at work, probably wouldnt know if you had a hypo during the night unless you told them. You would prob go in to work and cope... but knowing someone is going to make you angst about a hypo is going to knock your mood as soon as you awake.

Before my hubby I lived with a psychopath for a while. He threatened that if I continued having hypos at night he would grab my insulin and finish me off.. took a lot of hell to get away from tge psycho but I did it... and never looked back... (well I did for a while as he found me and threatened me and it wasnt nice), but I did move on...

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