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Type 1 and Married Life

Discussion in 'Type 1 Diabetes' started by SHmano, Jan 9, 2018.

  1. SHmano

    SHmano Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I am Type 1 for a very very long time and married too. Has anybody in this group been a Type 1 diabetic for more than 30 years and married. How do you handle hypos when your married and your husband sees his wife having hypos in sleep and day time. I need a Councillor who can advise how I can cope up with the life. Will be happy if any one can give me a supportive hand.
     
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  2. Juicyj

    Juicyj Type 1 · Expert
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    Hi @SHmano - sadly hypos go hand in hand with married life, obviously having a sympathetic partner who understands that this is part of the condition and knows how to respond is important. What aspect is your husband or yourself struggling with ? Am not a counsellor but we have married type 1’s who can respond and support from experience.
     
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  3. mytype1.life

    mytype1.life Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi @SHmano,
    I’m married with Type 1. I’m with @Juicyj... what type of advice are you looking for and I’ll do my best to help?
     
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  4. SHmano

    SHmano Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Thanks, My husband never understands what happens when there is hypo. He is not supportive of it though I earn my living for myself and not dependent on my husband monetarily. When I get hypos in the sleep at 2 a.m in the morning i act weirdly, a times I shout, have convulsions. This has affected me mentally. I do not know how to balance my husbands reactions and my mental state after I get a hypo.
    1. How to avoid a misunderstanding that I do not have anything other than diabetic hypos
    2. How to stay stable in married life

    Thanks a lot.
     
  5. Juicyj

    Juicyj Type 1 · Expert
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    Hi @SHmano It sounds like your husbands lack of understanding that's the issue here, if he fully understood that hypos affect us all differently and that's it not you personally at issue here, then he would have more sympathy for you and also understand that it's important to be understanding and helpful in ensuring you wake and treat the hypo. There was an incident recently where a news reporter had a hypo live on air: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-42316493 It was his recount of the episode afterwards that has helped non-diabetics understand what a hypo is and how it affects us, perhaps show him this as an example to explain a hypo to him ?

    In regards to your hypos, it's strongly advised to avoid them during sleep so are you able to understand what the cause of them is ? so too much insulin, not enough carbs, an adjustment of your basal required ?
     
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  6. SHmano

    SHmano Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Thanks it is nice of you to respond. Im upset the way my husband reacts to my hypo. Just upsets my entire day. How do I get over this.
     
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  7. Juicyj

    Juicyj Type 1 · Expert
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    Hi @SHmano Sorry to hear this - hypos can leave me weak and drained and then if someone is unsympathetic then this only adds fuel to my negativity, sadly there is no way to get over this unless you can change his mindset - how is he responding to you when you run low, so is he blaming you ?

    Any ideas as to what's causing them ?
     
  8. SHmano

    SHmano Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Yes, he blames me for not eating and not caring. I do not know what is causing low sugars in the night. A times if the sugars are fairly correct 115mg and I eat and sleep even then it causes low, only if its 200mg+ readings 2 hours after dinner then it does not cause a low sugar.
     
  9. Juicyj

    Juicyj Type 1 · Expert
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    @SHmano - Can you try some basal testing then, as long as you have no active quick acting insulin on board before bedtime then your basal insulin needs to be checked, it would be worthwhile seeing if you can address the night time hypo issue for your sake. Doing an overnight test means waking every couple of hours to check but I think from what i'm gathering here it would help you hugely to get this sorted for your safety more than anything.

    Here's a guideline to this: http://integrateddiabetes.com/basal-testing/
     
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  10. Juicyj

    Juicyj Type 1 · Expert
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    Also to add your husbands response is fairly typical of someone who has little knowledge of type 1 and hypos, perhaps show him the BBC clip I sent you to help him understand more ?
     
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  11. Copernicus

    Copernicus Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I'm lucky, been type 1 for over 34 years and been married all that time. My wife looks after me if I'm not well and knows exactly what to do if I get too low.
     
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  12. EllieM

    EllieM Type 1 · Moderator
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    I guess I'm lucky too. I've been married for 33 years and my husband is very good about hypos. I had some severe ones when I was pregnant which terrified him, but he helped me and still helps now if I get too low. I feel very lucky to have him there at night in case I have a night time hypo. He's always helped me if I'm hypo, day or night, but then I've been diabetic for the entire time we've known each other.

    The only annoying thing is that he sometimes accuses me of being hypo when I'm not :)

    Hypos are horrible. If I have a bad one (luckily very rare) it can put me out for a whole day. Night time hypos are the worst though, and can be very dangerous, particularly if you don't have a partner available or willing to help you through them. I would agree that you may need to reduce your basal insulin so as to keep your blood sugar higher.
    As regards your husband being unsympathetic, I would recommend talking to him to let him know how you feel. If you can't talk to him maybe marriage counselling????
     
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  13. becca59

    becca59 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    You pose an interesting question. I wonder if he is worried and perhaps feels a little inadequate as he knows ultimately there is not a lot he can do. Do you take him to hospital appointments with you, so that he could ask questions as well? How long have you been married?
    I am lucky, my husband is the calm one when I flap and always has one ear open in the night when I am testing and chomping on jelly babies.
    He is also prepared to stand his ground against my narky attitude when I am low and doesn’t hold it against me.
     
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  14. yingtong

    yingtong Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I've been type1 for nearly 57 years and my wife is brilliant and I have very little "hypo" awareness,
     
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  15. Dodo

    Dodo Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Diabetic for over 51 years. My husband took it upon himself to get educated about diabetes as he knew absolutely nothing and had never met a Type 1 before. Most people just don't understand the condition unless it affects them or someone close.
     
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  16. SHmano

    SHmano Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    It is good to see so many of you respond. Unfortunately my husband does not understand my state though I do a lot for him as a wife, financially support him too. He accompanies me to the hospital when I go for my regular check up. He points to my unstable condition when I point a mistake about him. He certainly does not like me, I am in a terrible, terrible state in tears.

    I think of breaking the marriage because he never stands by me.
     
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  17. Fairygodmother

    Fairygodmother Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Is your husband unable to understand the ways a hypo affects you? There's a very big difference between genuine instability and the changes we suffer because of low blood sugars, but not everyone is able to disassociate the two. Despite this, I find it distressing that he's describing your hypos as an 'unstable condition' rather than helping you when they happen, and that he uses them against you in arguments.
    @Juicyj's advice on basal testing's good. And have you looked at the clip she sent of the reporter's on air hypo yet? Have you shown it to your husband?
    Ultimately, even though we thrive if our husbands are both sympathetic and helpful, it's up to us to find a way to live best with the lovely gift of T1. (I find irony helps.) I'm aware as I write this that having another person who cares that I'm well takes away some of the fear of a bad hypo. My husband and I lived apart for a year. During that time I had a few night time hypos that were unnerving. I think it was fear of them that affected my decisions about our relationship, and it's one of the reasons I like irony.
    We're back together now. I'm currently trying to get to grips with changes in insulin needs that have occurred over the last few months and we've just talked together about strategies to solve some odd readings. I wonder sometimes what life would be like now if we'd not reunited. To paraphrase what Chaucer said, life's certainly uncertain. I wonder, too, what life would be like now if I'd been on the Dafne course back then rather than a few years later. Even though, like you, I've been T1 for a very long time, the ways it's managed have changed enormously. Insulins, testing equipment, carb to insulin calculations, etc etc. The Dafne course brought this old dinosaur up to date and enabled me to exercise far more control over the ways I live with T1. Have you got a similar access to ways of assessing carb values and ratios to insulin in Chennai? I'm attaching a link to an online version. Each region in the UK seems to have renamed the Dafne course; this one' called Bertie. https://www.bertieonline.org.uk/
    I really hope that you find a good way to change the situation you're in!
     
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  18. EllieM

    EllieM Type 1 · Moderator
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    I'm feeling under educated. Anyone know if there's a DAFNE course (or equivalent) in New Zealand?
     
  19. Juicyj

    Juicyj Type 1 · Expert
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  20. Fairygodmother

    Fairygodmother Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi @EllieM, I know of none in New Zealand, so I looked online, which you've probably done too. Couldn't see anything there either, sorry. Like @Juicyj says, you can access Bertie. Hope you're having a good summer.
     
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    #20 Fairygodmother, Jan 11, 2018 at 11:32 AM
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2018
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