You are NOT alone...
The biggest fear I had as an adult, was gaining weight whilst trying to be "healthy". With a higher blood sugar, you loose the "hunger" feeling and learn to live without food... Which in turn, helps you to control your weight. In reality, you will gain weight when you have a lower HbA1c and a more "controlled" diabetes but it's not fat, it's stabilisation. The body is really smart - it doesn't want to loose or gain weight, it wants equilibrium, so it will plateau very quickly.
The fear is there and especially if you're a glam girlie, like myself BUT don't be afraid... You can work hard on the diet and exercise side of things but you can't even think about it if the diabetes is "out of control". The struggle is massive and the advice we all listen to or give is positive but the day-to-day blandness of the disease is tough.
Try to approach it worth a clear head and a positive outlook.. I have had diabetes 20 years and I am only 27. The damage I have caused by such high sugars, (from the fear of gaining weight) is irreplaceable now but I would love to help others... I still am glam and try to be as upbeat as possible but understand now we all need to support each other to get through these tough times!!
Aim for one thing to start... Get the AM blood sugar to a target... Let this happen everyday for a month and then add a new goal
. You will feel better and won't struggle with tiredness/exhaustion that comes from high sugars....