Susie i see your mindset has not changed over the Christmas holidays, i know that you see no good future for yourself and there are a lot of diabetics who feel the same as you. These range from people who are young when they get diabetes to people who have had it a long time and i would love to say i have a magic wand to make it all better but i don't. Every person who get diabetes is different and deals with things in different ways, it seems at the minute you are angry, upset and see no light at the end. I was a diabetic for 36 years and hated it from constant blood checks to injecting insulin of course there are good days but even then you still have to do the same routine and the constant toll that it takes on your body as well as your mind. Diabetes is like no other illness how can a pancreas not working effect so much in your body and why is there no cure for it? None of us would choose diabetes or would like one of our loved ones to get it but we don't get a choice, the choice we do get is how we deal with it. There are so many feelings you have hate, denial, why me, i wish i was dead, sick of diabetes, cannot do what i want, having to watch what i eat and drink and fear. No one can tell you whats going to happen and when, one doctor says this yet the other one said that, It is true in a way that doctors would rather have you run your BS a bit high than low but if your BS are high over a long time that's when things can start to go wrong. If you look at it a different way Sir Steven Readgrave got diabetes in between winning 2 gold medals so if a man who looks after himself and is lean and fit how does he get diabetes, the answer is we don't no. I have suffered with all most all the diabetic problems which ended up with me having a pancreas and kidney transplant which means i no longer have diabetes but it has come at a cost, i am in serve pain everyday caused by nerve damage, my bladder and bowel do not work as they should, i still get tired easy, over the last 2 years i have had 129 appointments with medical or mental health team and my children have seen things which they should never have to see. The thing is i am still here not knowing when the pancreas is going to stop working and then go back to been a diabetic again. You are right that there is no way to win but now winning to me is waking up everyday and being alive as there are many diabetics who are no longer here. I am only here because someone died who was only 23 and his family no longer have him but he is still alive in me and other people, there is not a day goes by when i don't feel guilty so that is another thing that i can add to my list of how i feel. Diabetes can be treated but it takes fight courage and been able to get back up after another set back, i have a older brother who has had diabetes for 10 years but still says he has not got it and his life revolves around drink and drugs, yet he thinks he will get a transplant when he needs it. The local hospital have told him that they are going to refuse to treat him as he is in about once a month and as soon as he is sorted he sighs himself out and do you no what i hate him because one day soon he is going to end up dead and leave his children and parents behind ans he has seen everything that i have been through but chooses his own path. I can tell you i don't know what life has in store for me or you but at least we can have some say in how we want it to go, there is no easy path with any disease there is heartache and pain but i put my faith in myself and all those people around the world who want to find a cure for diabetes because if i don't all i will be is a shell not a person.