I am 18 years old and i have t1 diabetes for 2 years.
Recently i discovered my skin turned red-ish on the lateral zone of my left foot(not the entire foot) and my skin feels numb in that zone.
I am aware of the fact that i may get ulcers but i seem that i cant do anything.
I just cant respect tge diet,i am too lazy or i lack motivation to exercise i cant lose weight whatever i might do.
My latest HbA1c value was 6.7(lower than before) and my lowest was 5.5.
I always feel tired no matter how much sleep i take.
I dont have any friends and i also have depression.
I often ride the bike for long distances but sprinting seems hard to me,my body is too hard for my legs to bear so when i sprint i always feel pain on my leg muscles whenever i run.
I still eat sweets,even thought i try my best not to eat them.I tried diabetes sweets but theyre not that efficient.I also eat a lot of bread and carbs and i smoke.
I dont want to have my leg amputated and rest in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.
What should i do ?
T2 here, so in an entirely different boat than you far as that's concerned, but I am rather intimately familliar with depression. It makes it really hard to take care of yourself. When you see your doc for your foot (and you really should), please mention depression too and insist on tackling that. It is a condition much like T1, or rheumatism, or any other illness: It can and should be treated. And like with other illnesses, what works for one person doesn't work for another. I'd LOVE to take antidepressants, but I've tried all varieties and they all kick my *** in terms of side effects. So I found something else: I go out every weekend with my camera (I am afraid to go out the door without it. But the world reduced to a little rectangle I can handle), and do something I knew I would enjoy if only I felt a little better. After a while enjoyment krept in in spite of myself. It works; one day out, or sometimes even two, keep me afloat for a week. And recently I've taken to walking places by myself (doc, dentist, hospital, that sort of thing), on my own, which would've been inconceivable a few years ago. It's still difficult, but it feels empowering to take that walk. That's what works for me. Have you ever heard of a guy named Tim McKenna? Trigger warning here: A few months ago he was about to jump in front of a train at, I think it was St. Pancras, and he posted his farewell on twitter. And Twitter basically exploded. Never met the guy, but someone I knew responded to him because they'd seen someone respond to him etc, and I was one of the great many people who told him it'd get better. And I didn't lie: It does get better, because
depression lies. It tells us it doesn't get better, it tells us the world is better off without us, it's all no use anyway, bladibla, and really, it's a load of bull. So when Tim got all those messages he ended up getting help rather than "catching" a train that day. He's still struggling on
some days, but he's not alone anymore, and he asks for help when he needs it. He knows there's people out there who care, even perfect strangers, and he is making plans for the future. He's a long distance cyclist, like yourself, and he's going to bike coastlines and whatnot... Travel the world by freight ship and just do it. Because like walking, cycling can clear your head, make you feel better, more peaceful and balanced, and if that is what works for you (with or without antidepressants), who needs sprints and such? Do what makes you feel good. And ask yourself, why are you smoking? Purely out of habit/addiction, or are you self-sabotaging? Method of slow suicide? (That was why I was lighting one ciggy with the next, until I quit cold turkey in august 2004.) Maybe look into kicking the habit? Turn over a new leaf. Doc can help there too.
Because you know what? You *are* worth it. There are surprisingly MANY people out there who are hanging on by their fingernails. You don't have to do anything alone though. There's help if you ask for it. Don't do a stiff upper lip.
Hugs,
Jo