Limmericks (idea stolen from DAFNE site)

[IanD]

Hot dogs for sale.
Where? Where?
Hot dogs for sale.
But where, but where, but where?
Over there by the beefburgers.

Sorry, but reading all those
I'm feeling quite horse, I suppose
My throat's getting sore
As I read more & more.
Stop it! Reply now in prose.

 

[Robinredbreast]

A hotdog seller named Mike
put anything in his dogs that he liked
A rabbit, a mouse, a tortoise too
the customers found them too hard to chew,
A low carb detective spied his wares
Surveillance and tasting brought him to tears,
"In the name of the food Police this has to stop"
"You'll turn into a diabetic , like it or not :shock: "

RRB

 

[Anonymous]

The Lord's Prayer ...

Our Werther, which art in heaven,
Haribou be thy Name.
Thy Kinder come.
Thy will be Dime in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily fix.
And forgive us our Treats,
As we forgive them that put cakes against us.
And lead us not into Mc'Vities Temptations,
But deliver us from low-carbs
For thine is the Kinder,
The power, and the nickerbocker glory,
For ever and ever.

Amen.

 

[Anonymous]

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses and all of the men
Couldn't put all the pieces of his frigging meter together again!

 

[MCMLXXIII]

Are you?
Isn't it?
Didn't we?
Don't you?
Could we?
Have you?

 

[Robinredbreast]

There once was an old hag named Anne,
who seriously ought to be banned
from snooping and spying at her neighbour for 30 years and more
the neighbour in question would show her St Peter's door

( I know its gate, but that didn't rhyme. I just had to get that off my chest :evil:

RRB

 

[martwolves]

Nice one Spatta! Your best yet.

 

[IanD]

This is a classic I searched out specially - thanks, Chocolohic xxxx

Postby chocoholic » Thu Jun 04, 2009 7:55 pm

Okay. Here it is. I wrote this at a time when I was really struggling but I promise is does get easier.
Remember, small steps.

I'm really trying to stay "low-carb"
But finding it so hard.
My mood keeps changing daily,
As I crave all foodstuffs barred.

I've tried to think of other things
But running through my head
Are thoughts of spuds and pasta
And chunks of crusty bread.

I just can't get excited
Over salad,veg and meats
I've really tried but failed
To enjoy those low-carb "eats".

I don't smoke or drink alcohol.
I eat a balanced diet.
And when I heard of low-carb
I really had to try it.

I started off so very well
And full of good intention
But now I'm simply going ape
At every "low-carb" mention.

My readings have gone mad again
I cannot fathom why.
I'm feeling so confused
And I've even had a cry.

You lot are so supportive
And I know this sounds pathetic
But please tell me I am normal....
For hating being DIABETIC!

 

[jojogirl]

There once was a girl called Jo
Who thought she was quite in the know
About how to shift fat
and great things like that
but the bas****ing flab wont go

Last week she got rather excited
as the pounds finally shifted she was delighted
but not to last long
was this merry lil song
coz the next day she was back where she started :cry:

So she swore her little blond head off
and got angry and hurt and annoyed
why the frig did i try
to get rid of my
nice BELLY

boohoohoooo its truuuuuuuuuuuuuuu roblem:

 

[IanD]

Naturally Sweet! May Contain Nuts

Now JoJo, please don't be wailing
'Cos all of your efforts are failing.
Your friends do not look in YOUR mirror,
And don't want to stand on YOUR scales.
You're naturally sweet, and the nuts that you eat
Make you very attractive to males.

Sweet sugar dumpling

I often heard this on the way home from work in the 70s - takes me back 40 years.

 

[IanD]

Remember - other people see your best features.
xxxxxx

 

[Anonymous]

The was a diabetic called Mick
Who ran out of fingers to prick
His digits were sore
With pin-holes galore
So he took the blood test from his foot

 

[jojogirl]

Ian I really dont get my scales
They make out as if I'm well off the rails
But how that makes sense
When (although a bit tense)
I tried on a size smaller and IT FITTED

Thanks for your lovely kind comments
They cheered me up no end
Reminded me that
Although I feel fat
I'm actually back on the mend

On the way home from work yesterday
I remembered I needed my strips
I dashed to the Chemist
Got waylaid at the shops
And bought a fab new size 12 dress that looks great!! :angel:

Its agreed I am rather nutty
And some say I'm quite sweet as well
I love my sweet carbs
But now have them in halves
But its just proving quite slow progress!

What got me cross woz my sugars
After jogging and walking around
They stayed hi all day
and there they did stay
however much Novo I gave!

But its all trial and error this game
We learn from the times when we win
I'll just have to stop eating
those nuts and stop cheating
And hopefully one day I'll be thin!!!
:thumbup:

 

[jojogirl]

p.s. the links not working on this stupid laptop :cry:

 

[Anonymous]

I'll tak the high carbs
And you tak the low carbs
And I'll be in good shape afore ye
For me and my bGs shall never spike again
Oh, the bonny, bonny taste of Mock Almond

 

[jojogirl]

Am i right in assuming you're cured
Of the disease of which we're all bored?
Or do u just stay
for ever and aye
the same size whatever food is stored!?

 

[Anonymous]

Am i right in assuming you're cured
Of the disease of which we're all bored?
Or do u just stay
for ever and aye
the same size whatever food is stored!?

I do not believe I am fixed
As my bGs and weight are both mixed
I was 16 stone
To 14 I'm down
So I hope it continues like thix

 

[jojogirl]

Am i right in assuming you're cured
Of the disease of which we're all bored?
Or do u just stay
for ever and aye
the same size whatever food is stored!?

I do not believe I am fixed
As my bGs and weight are both mixed
I was 16 stone
To 14 I'm down
So I hope it continues like thix

I'm so glad to heard its improving
You're weight's staying down, I'm assuming?
I'd love to stay slim
(just cant be ***** with the gym)
some people say one is blooming

s'not easy to diet with the sugars
when they're acting like absolute buggers
if only they'd keep the same
i might not be so insane
and people might even hug us!

 

[Anonymous]

Am i right in assuming you're cured
Of the disease of which we're all bored?
Or do u just stay
for ever and aye
the same size whatever food is stored!?

I do not believe I am fixed
As my bGs and weight are both mixed
I was 16 stone
To 14 I'm down
So I hope it continues like thix

I'm so glad to heard its improving
You're weight's staying down, I'm assuming?
I'd love to stay slim
(just cant be ***** with the gym)
some people say one is blooming

s'not easy to diet with the sugars
when they're acting like absolute buggers
if only they'd keep the same
i might not be so insane
and people might even hug us!

Some more of the excess has gone
So I can't be doing much wrong
The proof of success
Is when I undress
And try on her size '6' thong

Some people have said I look great
Which really means I'm overweight
But I'll show them all
That I can be small
And they can be left to their fate

 

[MCMLXXIII]

My sugars nigh on 12
Doctors prescription shelved.
I went for my knee see
given anti inflammatory,
This morning I called:
"Your pills did f*** all"
So now I'm all sugary.
Permission for skullduggery?
Or a walk and green tea?
Release sugar from me!

I guess...

I STRESS...

I prick.. and test..

I hope for the best ,on my open mission: (titled)

"Pot-luck levels with a sugar condition".