Stress - can’t get sugars down

[lovinglife]

One of the people on my husbands course was a retired police officer - speeding happens to the best of them/us

 

[Pinkorchid]

My sugars have been ok overnight again - around 6, although they are rising again now so eating will be unmanageable.

I found some urine ketone strips and ketones are +++ on those although I know they aren’t hugely reliable as they aren’t real time.
I don’t feel sick at the moment though so I’m just drinking plenty and will keep an eye on it.

I got my course letter and have booked a course for three weeks time (before we go away) so only another three weeks of this and hopefully things will calm down again afterwards. At least it won’t mean my children are disappointed and we won’t lose all the money we’ve paid.

I really appreciate everyone being kind, I don’t deserve it, if I’d killed your child while speeding you probably wouldn’t be as sympathetic.

That is good that you have booked the course. You will get it over and done with and can put it behind you and go on to enjoy your holiday Get your sugar levels back to normal and start eating properly again and stop thinking you need to be punished

 

[ExtremelyW0rried]

That is good that you have booked the course. You will get it over and done with and can put it behind you and go on to enjoy your holiday Get your sugar levels back to normal and start eating properly again and stop thinking you need to be punished

I’m glad I haven’t stopped my husband and children from going as they are looking forward to it. I’m not hoping to enjoy it though as even though I’ve been on the course it won’t change the fact that I’m a hopeless idiot. I am glad re my children though, I’d have felt even worse about things otherwise.

 

[Pinkorchid]

I’m glad I haven’t stopped my husband and children from going as they are looking forward to it. I’m not hoping to enjoy it though as even though I’ve been on the course it won’t change the fact that I’m a hopeless idiot. I am glad re my children though, I’d have felt even worse about things otherwise.

But you have only done what dozens of people do everyday just tipped over the speed limit no one is perfect I do not believe there is a driver who has not done that caught or not You didn't harm anyone so stop thinking about what you could have done that does no good You are now talking yourself into not enjoying your holiday but it will all be over by then you can't go on punishing yourself forever and starving yourself is certainly not going to help you. I think you really need to see someone like your doctor or nurse especially as you blood levels are all over the place to get back on the right track eating properly again and feeling better about yourself

 

[ExtremelyW0rried]

But you have only done what dozens of people do everyday just tipped over the speed limit no one is perfect I do not believe there is a driver who has not done that caught or not You didn't harm anyone so stop thinking about what you could have done that does no good You are now talking yourself into not enjoying your holiday but it will all be over by then you can't go on punishing yourself forever and starving yourself is certainly not going to help you. I think you really need to see someone like your doctor or nurse especially as you blood levels are all over the place to get back on the right track eating properly again and feeling better about yourself

To be honest even before this I didn’t really enjoy anything and can’t imagine enjoying anything ever again. I just drag myself through the days and wait for them to end. Certainly high blood sugars make me feel much much worse but in this instance it serves me right that I am ill.
This speeding conviction is just the final straw on top of a mountain of straws.

 

[HSSS]

I’m thinking if this pattern of behaviour and stress is common for you then seeking some sort of counselling for it might be wise. I’m sorry but you really are overreacting and beating yourself up far in excess of the reality of the situation. I know you can’t see that and are struggling to calm yourself. And in fact now finding ways to ruin your holiday after the course is dealt with. And still declining to eat which is harmful too. That is the bigger issue imo. Next time it might not be a speeding ticket but something else you are down unnecessarily harshly on yourself about. Would you talk to a friend or family member as harshly as you are to yourself? I very much doubt it.

Yes you made a mistake. Yes it could have been awful. It wasn’t. You are taking responsibility for your mistake and the course will help ensure you don’t make it again. You’ll pay your price and be a better driver for it. Holiday remains intact. End of.

Right now you need to forget those worries and sort your bloods out. Not eating isn’t the answer even if they are rising. Medicating appropriately is. Removing the cause of the rise is. That cause is stress not food. You are removing the wrong thing.

 

[ExtremelyW0rried]

I’m thinking if this pattern of behaviour and stress is common for you then seeking some sort of counselling for it might be wise. I’m sorry but you really are overreacting and beating yourself up far in excess of the reality of the situation. I know you can’t see that and are struggling to calm yourself. And in fact now finding ways to ruin your holiday after the course is dealt with. And still declining to eat which is harmful too. That is the bigger issue imo. Next time it might not be a speeding ticket but something else you are down unnecessarily harshly on yourself about. Would you talk to a friend or family member as harshly as you are to yourself? I very much doubt it.

Yes you made a mistake. Yes it could have been awful. It wasn’t. You are taking responsibility for your mistake and the course will help ensure you don’t make it again. You’ll pay your price and be a better driver for it. Holiday remains intact. End of.

Right now you need to forget those worries and sort your bloods out. Not eating isn’t the answer even if they are rising. Medicating appropriately is. Removing the cause of the rise is. That cause is stress not food. You are removing the wrong thing.

It’s impossible to remove the cause of the stress though, it’s another three weeks of it hanging over me.

 

[HSSS]

To be honest even before this I didn’t really enjoy anything and can’t imagine enjoying anything ever again. I just drag myself through the days and wait for them to end. Certainly high blood sugars make me feel much much worse but in this instance it serves me right that I am ill.
This speeding conviction is just the final straw on top of a mountain of straws.

This sounds like it may be depression. Please, please go see your dr and tell him/her how you feel. Is there a scheme like iTalk in your area. It’s self referred counselling. Your dr may have something they can access. Or maybe medication might help. There are options.

 

[HSSS]

It’s impossible to remove the cause of the stress though, it’s another three weeks of it hanging over me.

You have to wait 3 weeks for the course yes. You do not have to be in this state for those 3 weeks. You do not have to add to your issues by refusing to eat.

You were worried about clashing with the holiday. That’s not happened. You were worried about taking meds/eating during the course. That has been answered as not a problem. Everyone else there is there for doing the same (or worse) than you so they won’t be judging you. Try and identify why you are remaining stressed about it after resolving those worries as opposed to having got stuck into a cycle of despair that you now can’t stop.

 

[Pinkorchid]

To be honest even before this I didn’t really enjoy anything and can’t imagine enjoying anything ever again. I just drag myself through the days and wait for them to end. Certainly high blood sugars make me feel much much worse but in this instance it serves me right that I am ill.
This speeding conviction is just the final straw on top of a mountain of straws.

Then please seek some help before things get a lot worse you are not being fair to your family being like you are now. The over reaction about the speeding ticket and the feeling you need to be punished is really not right it sounds like you are depressed and you do need to speak to someone about it

 

[lucylocket61]

To be honest even before this I didn’t really enjoy anything and can’t imagine enjoying anything ever again. I just drag myself through the days and wait for them to end. Certainly high blood sugars make me feel much much worse but in this instance it serves me right that I am ill.
This speeding conviction is just the final straw on top of a mountain of straws.

Get some help. Professional help. Both for your anxiety and your blood sugar levels. Talk to whoever manages your diabetes.

Talk to whoever can get your mental health help. This has been going on for months and months and will cause untold damage to you, not to mention the distress you are in. If you cant/wont do it for yourself, due to feeling you dont deserve it, do it for your children. Get that help. It must be over a year now since you first talked about your anxiety and uncontrollable blood sugars.

Your children deserve a happy, relaxed and physically healthy mother for as long as possible, as do your future grandchildren. I know you cant see this, but you deserve better too.

 

[Geordie_P]

Hi Worried: is this holiday the trip to Disneyland you were talking about a while ago?
I think it should be OK. Take it easy, relax about the relatively insignificant driving issue; you'll benefit from having a nice break without overthinking things.

 

[Fairygodmother]

You probably need to get to the bottom of the continual self harming, physical and psychological, that you seem to be trapped in before things can get better. It’s not fair to yourself, or your family, to allow it to go on.
Please, please, seek help. We’ve said this before on another thread, and we’re saying it again.
You’re worth better than this. You’re important. Whatever happened to you, or whatever physical imbalances you have been suffering from, they need to be sought and addressed so that you and your family can enjoy the life you have together.
Please, please talk to your GP; book a longer appointment as it seems you have a lot to discuss with them.

 

[Freema]

actually you sound like someone who need some help to cope with both your diabetes type 1 and your balance of eating .. and you sound so very depressed .... and in an odd way kind of suicidal in a slow way... you talk of what your children deserve, and the first thing I would say is to get you happy and able to enjoy life again... this is the main core in a family to also have parents that do an effort to solve their stress and mental problems , if one doesn´t do that it can all feel like hell no matter what you do...
it is actually very typical for a very depressed person to say endless rows of selfhating devaluating words ....and it is also a way to maintain depression ..
But every body deserve to have a good life with love empathy and caring people around them , even mothers do deserve that ....

 

[Resurgam]

As many people experience a continued increase in BG until they eat, it is called the dawn phenomenon, I suspect that you are making a rod for your own back by fasting.
Your reaction to a ticket for speeding 5 MPH over the limit does seem extraordinary, and if that level of anxiety and expecting the worst is your usual state, it really might be a good idea to tell your GP to see if there is anything which can be done to help you to cope. I don't mean to make things worse, but I've been reading this thread with some amazement.

 

[ExtremelyW0rried]

Sugars not quite as horrific today - mainly 15-20 which is an improvement on yesterday, although that’s still with not eating. I don’t feel like eating anyway so I’m not too worried. I was starving briefly but now not so much. Feeling sick instead.

Pretty sure I’ve caught my daughter’s viral cough and cold which might be adding another element of difficulty into the blood sugars.

It feels as though everything is on standby until after I’ve been on this course. I’m hoping dh will take me as I don’t think I will be in any state to drive, I have only driven my son to and from school (6 mile round trip otherwise we’d walk) since receiving the prosecution and if it wasn’t for the distance we live from his school I wouldn’t be driving at all.

 

[EllieM]

Re: the driver awareness course. Like everyone else, I see no need to castigate yourself over making a mistake in driving slightly over the limit and being caught by a speed camera. Many/most drivers have done it at one time or another. But my understanding is that the course actually enables you to be a better driver, so you can think of it as an opportunity rather than a punishment. (OK, I know that is being a bit PollyAnnaish, but driver awareness courses in general should improve one's driving. Hopefully they'll improve your defensive driving, which is an excellent way to avoid accidents with other drivers who are making mistakes).

As regards the rest, you do sound like you're very depressed (I would say clinically but I am not a doctor and therefore I can't diagnose). This is not your fault, just as it is not your fault that you are diabetic, and you are certainly not alone in being depressed, but it is affecting your judgement and now would be a very good time to ask your GP for medical help. And avoiding food for so long is not only messing up your sugars but also risks devolving into an eating disorder - you really don't want that on top of your other conditions.

Not sure what level +++ on ketones corresponds to, but it sounds to me that you're still at risk for DKA. If you get that you'll be rushed to hospital intensive care and certainly won't be in a state to enjoy your holiday, go on your course or do anything else. What brand of strip are you using?

Please be kind to yourself, speak to your doctor or DSN. Good luck.

 

[HSSS]

Sugars not quite as horrific today - mainly 15-20 which is an improvement on yesterday, although that’s still with not eating. I don’t feel like eating anyway so I’m not too worried. I was starving briefly but now not so much. Feeling sick instead.

Pretty sure I’ve caught my daughter’s viral cough and cold which might be adding another element of difficulty into the blood sugars.

It feels as though everything is on standby until after I’ve been on this course. I’m hoping dh will take me as I don’t think I will be in any state to drive, I have only driven my son to and from school (6 mile round trip otherwise we’d walk) since receiving the prosecution and if it wasn’t for the distance we live from his school I wouldn’t be driving at all.

It’s great that they are lower rather than higher but please eat something. Hungry or not. Hunger does fade as your body gives up expecting something. Doesn’t mean it’s not needed. Nausea isn’t an uncommon reaction to hunger that’s been ignored. And as said above not eating/dawn phenomenon can actual send numbers up. And seriously consider a dr appointment as already suggested lots of times. You don’t see it but you need to break this cycle of self hatred and depression. Do your husband or family or friends comment on it? Do you trust them? (No need to answer me but think on it)

Please try to put this into perspective. You haven’t had an accident and certainly haven’t hurt anyone (other than yourself). Almost every driver has done likewise, caught or not and quite likely so have you previously. You didn’t doubt your driving then so have no more need to now than you did last month. This course is a chance to improve. If they thought you needed punishing then you’d be going to court instead.

 

[ExtremelyW0rried]

Sugars back up super high again today

 

[HSSS]

GO TO THE DOCTOR