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Type 1 Diabetes is killing me

Discussion in 'Type 1 Diabetes' started by indiaemily, Sep 7, 2015.

  1. keir0ar

    keir0ar Type 1 · Newbie

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    Hi!

    Im 25 years old and I have been type1 since i was also 11 years old.
    I know a few fellow type1's and almost all of them have been through a rebellious patch at some point, including myself.
    I have also faced depression due to my diabetes and was always asking "why me!"
    The thing is you wont feel like this forever - and not to scare you but when you do finally accept the condition it may be too late...in the sense that you may have developed serious and irreversable complications.
    You have to take the condition by the horns and be in charge - dont let it control you.
    You can lead a very normal life once you accept it. It honestly helped me talking to others with diabetes and joining forums etc. But dont forget family members either as im sure they are very supportive and wouldnt want you to struggle on your own.
    Im rambling now but i hope this has helped a little

    :)

    Xxx
     
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  2. indiaemily

    indiaemily Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    apologies for being vacant again but I'm being taken into a and e so I suppose its for the best thank you everyone x
     
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  3. ButtterflyLady

    ButtterflyLady Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    No need to apologise, we understand. Feel better soon xx
     
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  4. ZoëCunningham123

    ZoëCunningham123 Type 1 · Member

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    Hey, I know how hard it is for you, i was in the same situation as you. I'm 22 now and since I got diagnosed at 9 I had never accepted it and never wanted to let it 'beat me'
    I guess the only advice I have for you is to take your anti depressants (they help me). And stick with it, after a while you could see it all clearly. Diabetes doesn't control you, you control it, and by not taking your insulin you are letting it win, and that's not what we wanted. We want to win. If you ever need someone to relate to, well i am always here for a chat. I've been through more than most and I know how much it confuses, depresses you and messes with your head. A little boost is all you need to get you started. Get out of that vicious circle and start living :)
     
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  5. Juicyj

    Juicyj Type 1 · Expert
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    Hey - glad to hear your going into a&e, thanks for letting us know, hope your feeling better soon, sending you lots of hugs, please stay in touch x
     
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  6. azure

    azure Type 1 · Expert

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    It's absolutely for the best. Everybody, diabetic or not, needs a little help and support sometimes.

    I hope you start to feel better very soon. I know getting your blood sugar down won't help your depression, but everything is easier to cope with when you're not feeling so rough physically.

    You can do this :)
     
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  7. Scardoc

    Scardoc · Well-Known Member

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    Anyone else watching this in the same position as @indiaemily and too afraid to speak up?

    Don't suffer in silence. It doesn't work. Speak up.
     
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  8. donnellysdogs

    donnellysdogs Type 1 · Master

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    You have just echoed my thoughts... If others are also struggling.. Please join in.

    Wishing you well indiaemily.. Please keep in contact and all of our best wishes and love are with you.
     
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  9. Natalie1974

    Natalie1974 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    So glad you're getting the help you need...hope you feel better soon.

    I'm totally astounded at the level of support that has been shown here...people joining just so they can offer advice and support...I just hope you've not found it too overwhelming and that once you're fully recovered that you will read all this back and know that you have all the support that you need to take control of your diabetes. Big hugs to you x
     
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  10. indiaemily

    indiaemily Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I'm so overwhelmed with people I don't know actually caring about me, I've been admitted to a high dependency unit to monitor everything because my heart rates going crazy and they obviously want to bring my blood sugar down, which they are succeeding in doing now they've put me on a sliding scale. as much as this whole situation is a bit ****, I cannot safely say, I won't do it again thank you again though, these heartfelt messages are such a lovely thing to be reading, seeing as I'm stuck here alone z
     
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  11. Natalie1974

    Natalie1974 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    I truly feel for you...it's a miserable situation to be in. Saying that though...there is nothing quite like a hospital stay to focus the mind on what's really important...the total boredom...loneliness...grotty food (especially for someone who claims to be a foodie lol)...the constant prodding and poking...limited TV, if any at all and all the while feeling absolutely rotten...after a few more days of it...you'll be desperate to get home and hopefully with a stronger motivation to get it under control.

    You've been given some excellent advice here and I genuinely hope that you'll take at least some of it on board, I'm sure it's all a bit overwhelming at the moment but I hope you will take comfort in knowing that you're not alone in what you're feeling...it's a natural part of coming to terms with it all...but above all...that there is a mountain of support and information here if you need it...from people who really do 'get it'. While family and friends can try their best to be supportive...I think it can be quite tough for them as non diabetics to truly relate...most especially with the emotional side of things. Thankfully in the age that we're living in...forums like this mean that there is always support for those who seek it.
     
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  12. sepuku

    sepuku Type 1 · Member

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    I went through this during my teens, where I'd end up where you are right now, in hospital with DKA, then end up there again 3 months later...
    I think if there's one of a few things this thread has shown is, you aren't alone.
    We know how you feel, and we know you CAN come through the other side of it with a healthier outlook on it all.

    Let the nurses take care of you while you are there, talk to the docs and tell them what you feel like you need, and get them to deliver.

    My local diabetes centre know I'm a nightmare, chasing them about stuff, or asking questions, or trying to get on medical trials through them, or trying new machines. They are obliged to help you. Use them :)

    Keep us all posted on progress... We don't "like" seeing new members join our exclusive club, but we welcome them and will do anything to help them when they join us ;-)
     
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  13. fern000

    fern000 Type 1 · Member

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    Hey, I think it was a bit of a coincidence that I chanced upon your post. It's 1.37am now in where I live and I was feeling unhappy about my blood glucose levels these days and about life in general. And I found your post. Though I was only diagnosed 4 years ago, I can definitely relate to how you feel. I always feel alone too, and in my country there aren't many people with type 1 diabetes.. im 20 years old this year so we could maybe be friends. Haha even though im halfway across the world. It's normal to be sad about this, I'd say so because I've had really depressed moments as well. Feelings of hopelessness, annoyance, isolation etc.. and other people never seem to understand why I am repeatedly upset by type 1 diabetes because im not coping well with it.

    But at the same time, i believe theres much more to live for and we shouldn't let our illness define who we are cos we are so much more than that.. (im a psychology major so I learn about coping mechanisms with illnesses. Though I dont really apply it well haha!!) Hang in there with me!! Remember you're not alone and even though it's difficult and painful I believe it'll get better with the right mindset and with more experience :) :) love you babe!! Love from Singapore
     
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  14. AndBreathe

    AndBreathe I reversed my Type 2 · Expert
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    Indiamily -As an unmedicated T2, I can't pretend to understand how it feels to be diagnosed with T1 as a child, so I won't pretend I do. What I do understand very well is change, and why people do or don't change, and also why sometimes they won't or can't make the change. It's a very complex situation, but I might be bold and challenge you to consider a few things.

    Before I get to that though, I do think it’s worth just reiterating something you probably already know, deep down. You have been diagnosed with depression, but feel that meaningful treatment is being withheld from you, until such times as your diabetes is at least notionally under some form of management. I can be certain that is because you really are in a circular place whereby if you could bring your diabetes to even a slightly better place, your mood would likely lift a bit, which might then allow you to move forward a little more. Treating your depression right now would likely to be yet another unsuccessful therapy, because of the impact of your rampant blood scores.

    By the sound of it, you are sick and tired of things that don’t work, so I could suggest your medics are trying to save you from something doomed to fail from its outset because the foundations for the treatment and your wellbeing are not in place. It’s a diabetes/depression chicken and egg dilemma.

    But onto some steps towards controlling your diabetes. Reading your text, I read someone screaming out to change, but almost needing to give themselves permission to make that change? (That’s a rhetorical question.) Chaotic, uncontrolled diabetes has been your security blanket for such a long time that leaving it behind must be incredibly scary. Although a completely sickness, it’s almost like the drug addict or alcoholic who wants to become clean being terrified of rejecting the drugs or drink, because that’s the great unknown, and they know it’ll be hard. But, the problem is that the only way to reach a better place is to take the first step towards it.

    We all operate differently, and have different values and motivators. Clearly I have no idea what yours are, but will certainly have them. Try to think about what makes you tick. As a helper, if you think about the thing that hurts most – probably mentally – when things are baaaaad, then that could be something to focus upon in making improvements.

    But, in making steps towards improving your control, I can’t be too specific in terms of suggestions regarding your insulin therapy, because, frankly, I’d be out of my depth, but if I describe something at the highest level, maybe someone might be able to help further, if you want to consider it.

    Have you considered making an agreement with yourself for some form of reward, if you achieve a target? I’m not talking about a target of an HbA1c of 6% or no blood scores over 10 for a week. I’m talking much smaller increments. I’m thinking something like, if you take your basal insulin, along with bollusing for breakfast and lunch, you can have a treat for dinner. Ideally you’d inject for the treat to get maximum enjoyment, but I don’t think having to commit to 100% compliance right up front is incredibly likely to succeed. As a foodie, would something like that act as a motivator? Would your family support that strategy, as you are living at home? I only include your family in this as they are likely to be observing you in your actions.

    If not that; what sort of goals or targets can you set yourself of that sort of magnitude that you can achieve in a very short term? Once you have achieved those for a period of, say, a week, perhaps a new goal or target could be something like “at least 90% of your insulin requirements over the course of a week”. Once that is achieved, up to 95% or whatever you felt your next step would be.

    These targets can’t be imposed upon you, or I fear you will rail against them, almost as a matter of principle. They have to be your targets. Your goals. Then they become your achievements.

    Do try to think of small things you can do to make even tiny steps forward, because taking those first steps towards a better future are absolutely critical to you right now.

    Good luck with it all. You are screaming out. Give yourself permission to change, then act upon it.
     
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  15. nickw1989

    nickw1989 Type 1 · Newbie

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    Hey @indiaemily I'm glad you're getting the help now - I sent you a message earlier too should you want to read and are still looking for a diabetes buddy. I've been through similar!

    Hope you get yourself sorted soon :)
     
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  16. lilyfleur

    lilyfleur Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    @indiaemily I know you're probably overwhelmed by the number of people offering to chat with you, and I just wanted to do the same, but as someone who is currently going through the exact same thing (also diagnosed at 11, now 26 years old). I often find myself reading replies on sites like these and getting frustrated that I don't believe all of the positive things people are saying. If you want someone you can rant to feel free to send me a message.

    It's nice to see so many people offering support, AndBreathe's seems very insightful!

    The only thing I will say in the way of what has made me feel better for brief periods in the past, is that sometimes just knowing somebody truly understands your feelings makes a big difference. I for example had a therapist tell me something that lifted a weight off my shoulders- I've always felt really really angry with myself for knowing what I'm doing to myself in the long term and yet not fixing things in the short term, and I don't understand why I can't make myself do what I need to do. But this therapist said to me "What you're doing IS rational, you're afraid of the long term effects, and you're afraid of the short term (anxious about testing/injecting/hypos etc), but only one of them has an immediate results, and so that's the one you're focusing on." (He did of course go on to explain that I have to find ways to tackle the short term fears without creating long term problems, but that is the hard part!) I just could have laughed because it was the first time someone didn't tell me I was being stupid/irrational/that what I was doing would make me sick.

    Anyway, yeah I feel your pain! My thoughts are with you.

    P.S. Read up on diabulimia, it might not be about weight now but if you're doing the same thing (eating sugary/high carb foods and not taking the right insulin) you might find parts of it relatable.
     
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  17. donnellysdogs

    donnellysdogs Type 1 · Master

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    Can I say this... I don't think I have ever posted this on the forum...

    When we lived in Wales we had a gentleman (from this forum) come and stay with us for a break. We had never met each other...

    I will not give his name or his login as respect to his family.

    This gentleman had pancreatic cancer. He need a break to get his affairs in order and as respite for both him and his family. He came alone and stayed a long weekend with us. He had been put on insulin and felt that staying with us would give his lovely wife a break and also he knew he would have suitable food and drink as well and some laughs away from family worrying...he knew I would recognise hypo's and be able to advise on his insulin and keeping his levels under control.

    He died within 4 months.

    It was thanks to this forum that he got a little but of help when he needed it. Hubby and I were glad to help.

    It was a privilege to have known him.

    I tell this now @indiaemily, because people arer reaching out to you to try and help and although we haven't met please read through the messages at some point and see how much people care and that we know of the struggles.

    Sometimes the words and kindness of strangers can help. I hope you are starting to battle your way out of this by taking some small steps forward. Sure you will end up flat on your bum at some point... But I so hope you can grasp help from the medics and persons here and to gain some strength to battle with the demons inside that are so difficult for you to handle at the moment.

    Please continue with updates on how you are.
     
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  18. VixyA86

    VixyA86 · Member

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    I've been reading through all these messages and you can feel how everyone is rooting for you! YOU CAN DO THIS! Like a lot of others I have been through exactly the same thing and know what you're going through. I've only recently 'come out the other side', and can tell you that once you get in control of your diabetes you will feel free. Free from the worry, stress, depression, sadness, guilt and ill health - everything that you're currently holding on to. Please let us know how you're doing, we all care, as you must know by now :)
     
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  19. Jaylee

    Jaylee Type 1 · Moderator
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    Quite literally an existence like a "fly trapped in Amber."
    The posthumous memory preserved will just be another "cautionary tale" used by someone else to tell the next....
    Nothing more than a novelty paper weight for a pile statistics. That's it.

    Or, you can be a success story. The possibilities in this case is endless..
    You have had a great deal of good advice & sincere support.

    Here's hoping you will soon be in a healthy position to offer the same in return.! :)
     
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  20. Victoria_q

    Victoria_q Type 1 · Newbie

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    I'm 22, been type one for 11 years and yeah, sometimes it's a bit ****. Sometimes it's easy to abuse your condition because at least then you can feel like you have some control over it. But it's not worth it. My elder sister is also type one diabetic. I grew up watching her use her diabetes as a way to manifest her frustrations, and it destroyed her body. At the age of 27 she was on the transplant list in need of a double transplant if she wanted to live past Christmas. Thankfully, she was one of the lucky ones who got given a second chance. But please, please, don't let this condition define who you are by abusing it. The way I see it, diabetes is my condition, I control it. I could chose to abuse it, but why would I want to go through the same thing I've seen happen to someone I love? If you let it define your life, it will control you and ultimately it will destroy your life. Take control in a positive way, take responsibility for it and live your life to the fullest!!!Good luck, keep your head up...and sugars down!
     
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