Type 1 Diabetes is killing me

[Juicyj]

thanks again, I've not been on it for 24 yet but obviously it's going to take time to find the correct dosage, but my blood sugars are still peaking 20 but I have 0.2 ketones but my blood pressure is all over the place one moment it's high the next it's in my boots I have been offered the pump numerous times but I've refused it because I don't need constantly reminding I'm diabetic my eating habits are controlled in hospital because you have set meals at set times so when I leave it will go **** up because I binge eat at home and I don't have access to sugary things here either, and my depression keeps spiking whilst in hospital because it's such a lonely place being with my thoughts is really hard, so I'm worried I'm going to hit a brick wall soon. thank you again x

Heya it will take time, please don't think too far into the future take each day as it comes. Why not consider the pump this time ? Getting it now will mean easier control, oddly enough even though you have a pump it will become a small part of your life, but it means you can look forward to getting your life back, it can easily fit into a bra (yes they really can be useful !) it may be a big part of your life to start with but it will become insignificant as time moves on. Try it and if after 3 months it's not working for you then hand it back ? In regards to your eating - what support can your family give you ? Can you ask mum not to buy stuff that you would binge on ? Don't get hung up on the high figures either you aren't moving about so much so this will have a knock effect on your levels, as long as your ketones are low then fine, try not to feel sad, just try and write down 10 positive things about yourself now as an exercise, or write a poem about how your feeling ? Go and talk to someone who looks sad or who might appreciate the company. It sounds odd to say this but try and do something positive while you are there so the whole experience dosent feel so bad, I find when I'm down if I can make someone smile it lifts me.

Good to hear from you and stay positive, keep us posted x

 

[xAoifex]

Heya it will take time, please don't think too far into the future take each day as it comes. Why not consider the pump this time ? Getting it now will mean easier control, oddly enough even though you have a pump it will become a small part of your life, but it means you can look forward to getting your life back, it can easily fit into a bra (yes they really can be useful !) it may be a big part of your life to start with but it will become insignificant as time moves on. Try it and if after 3 months it's not working for you then hand it back ?

Pumps are great yes but they do take a lot of commitment especially with carb counting and testing. IMO until the OP has decided to make a change and has taken the first steps to do this then a pump will not be a useful thing and in fact can be pretty dangerous. Baby steps is the way to go (for example starting with regular basal insulin, testing and moving onto carb counting)

 

[indiaemily]

after all this I really don't want a pump I can't be dealing with having a machine connected to me all the time, because then diabetes wins because it's because a physical thing (as in the pump) they won't let me trial it, because it costs the nhs £3000 or something so I have to be 100% committed to it! my parents don't buy bad food, I buy all the **** myself and spend a lot of money on it! I wish I could be so positive about myself, I literally have 0 things positive to think about I really am having mixed days, as one minute I feel fine the next I'm like yeah I don't wanna be here so I'm a bit lost in my thoughts still x

 

[Jaylee]

after all this I really don't want a pump I can't be dealing with having a machine connected to me all the time, because then diabetes wins because it's because a physical thing (as in the pump) they won't let me trial it, because it costs the nhs £3000 or something so I have to be 100% committed to it! my parents don't buy bad food, I buy all the **** myself and spend a lot of money on it! I wish I could be so positive about myself, I literally have 0 things positive to think about I really am having mixed days, as one minute I feel fine the next I'm like yeah I don't wanna be here so I'm a bit lost in my thoughts still x

So putting all this D stuff aside..

Is there anything you feel remotely "passionate" about in your life?

 

[indiaemily]

I don't think so, I don't have passion or drive or self motivation

 

[AndBreathe]

I don't think so, I don't have passion or drive or self motivation

You described yourself as a foodie. DO you enjoy food or do you just think about it rather a lot?

 

[indiaemily]

I enjoy food and I always think about it, my parents describe it as being "obsessive" because my life seems to revolve around it, it's weird

 

[Jaylee]

I enjoy food and I always think about it, my parents describe it as being "obsessive" because my life seems to revolve around it, it's weird

So you like food. Do you experiment, trying new & different types of menus/dishes..?

 

[donnellysdogs]

I wonder whether the obsessiveness covers up for boredom?

Is it hunger or boredom with your self?
Many people turn to food as a comforting factor.

I'm the opposite and wish I would eat! Hubby is away climbing Ben Nevis and I just thrown the fish away that he took out for me to eat whilst he is away...

I wish you could come and obsess in my house!!

Seriously though...have you got hobbies and interests and friends etc?

Do you eat 3 meals a day and a snack inbetween?

Is there honestly too much eating or is this the views of parents that you are taking on board that makes you think you obsess with it??

 

[indiaemily]

sometimes I know I'm eating because I'm bored, I wish I was like you, I wish I didn't obsess over food! I really don't have any hobbies, I'm not really interested in anything and I actually don't have friends really. it depends on my day really, I'll have three maybe even four "meals" but snack like every hour on anything from a tin of soup, to crisps, to chocolate, I should be type 2 not type 1 no they tell me I'm obsessed because I make my whole life revolve around food x

 

[azure]

Do you think the obsession with food comes from having to think about it all the time with the diabetes, or do you think it's something else?

 

[indiaemily]

I'm not sure because I don't think about diabetes when I eat food, I don't carb count I don't think to take my insulin when I eat so maybe it's something else but God knows what x

 

[donnellysdogs]

You work though don't you? Are you the same at work times?

 

[azure]

I got obsessed with cooking and eating when I was in my late teens, but in my case I think it was a symptom of just feeling down and uncertain about my direction in life. I'm not suggesting this is why you do it - just saying that's why I did it.

You said you dont have many friends and I find that sad : ( I think that was half my problem in my teens. My school friends moved on and I got stressed and miserable trying to think what I should do with my,life. But it all turned out ok I wish I could tell you what changed. I suppose it was feeling more confident in myself and getting out and seeing the world a bit.

Is there any way or any place you could meet new friends? Like at work or at a club or something? That would give you a focus too.

Just trying to throw some ideas out there. Feel free to totally ignore them!

 

[TooMuchGlucose]

You work though don't you? Are you the same at work times?

I think she mentioned that she hadn't worked for a few weeks because all that was happening.

 

[donnellysdogs]

I think she mentioned that she hadn't worked for a few weeks because all that was happening.

Yes, I recall this but my question was really.. Is indiaemily like this at work with eating?

Personally when I've worked for Employers I've not been able to have munchies with me..

To go on further- if you can work without munchies then there is a boredom factor at home.

From having few hobbies or interests then it strikes me that the most likely reason for being obsessive with food is for comfort and compensation for doing nothing else.

Most people find food a comfort factor or a TV factor. Watching TV.. Must eat!!

Currently (to me) food has nithing to do with diabetes... Its with boredom and a routine of that is what is acceptable. Food is top priority.. Nothing else matters.. The same but opposite to an anorexic.

A lot of words have been written by indiaemily but there is more concern for her food than for the worry or mention of family.

My anorexic (recovering) friend was very similar. As she has developed her individuality now and performing arts and painting around the torment and now being positive all her food photographs have stopped. She still has the anguish and turmoil around food but now has an outlet for enjoying herself with her passion of arts and performing.

I see that Emily does not worry about the anguish to her family or what she is doing to her health or that of her work colleagues having to cover for her.

In a ward with little staff cover and DKA and observation based these things stand little chance of being recognised.

Until the food and life battles are addressed then Emily will be caught in a vicious circle of admiitances to hospital.

My friend had underlying issues behind her food and problems and I believe Emily has the same.

 

[LizzieNI]

sometimes I know I'm eating because I'm bored, I wish I was like you, I wish I didn't obsess over food! I really don't have any hobbies, I'm not really interested in anything and I actually don't have friends really. it depends on my day really, I'll have three maybe even four "meals" but snack like every hour on anything from a tin of soup, to crisps, to chocolate, I should be type 2 not type 1 no they tell me I'm obsessed because I make my whole life revolve around food x

Do you enjoy tv cookery shows? Even watching them on your phone whilst in hospital? It might be a small comfort. Maybe you could even join a cookery class when you get out- a healthy active way of 'feeding' your obsession that would have social interaction & maybe friends? Even get a family member to go with you at the start. It would be a non-diabetes food thing too.

I think for now if you focus on one day at a time it's the way through this. I think you need to admit that you're not perfect, you're a human being with flaws like all the rest. Diabetes is just one of those things that many of us have to deal with; but it doesn't consume all of you if you let it in. Admit you have certain needs because of the diabetes, but realise it doesn't stop you being you, you from being a regular young woman. Maybe you even need to grieve for the life you feel diabetes has denied you? That could be part of the acceptance process you need.

From a certified perfectionist Xxxx

 

[donnellysdogs]

Agree with above... How about changing the eating to "making"?

Make an obsession a hobby and passion instead?

Try having to make all your food and eat nothing unless its home made?? Set up a market stall to sell instead of eating? Ir make- eat half and take half the cooking to a homeless shelter or food bank instead?

If you make your own food instead of the easy option of manufactured food then it gives you a hobby. A hobby to share as well. Although I like compliments from others on my food.. Having to maje is myself makes it less appealing.

Why not try turning your thoughts around food to a passion for others to enjoy rather than obsessing on it yourself?

 

[ButtterflyLady]

thanks again, I've not been on it for 24 yet but obviously it's going to take time to find the correct dosage, but my blood sugars are still peaking 20 but I have 0.2 ketones but my blood pressure is all over the place one moment it's high the next it's in my boots I have been offered the pump numerous times but I've refused it because I don't need constantly reminding I'm diabetic my eating habits are controlled in hospital because you have set meals at set times so when I leave it will go **** up because I binge eat at home and I don't have access to sugary things here either, and my depression keeps spiking whilst in hospital because it's such a lonely place being with my thoughts is really hard, so I'm worried I'm going to hit a brick wall soon. thank you again x

Have you considered that you might have diabulimia, an eating disorder affecting T1 diabetics? Some of the things you've said remind me of the signs and symptoms listed here:
http://www.dwed.org.uk/dweds/dwed-signs-and-symptoms

There is help available for diabulimia, it's just a case of finding an eating disorders service that is aware of it. You could try contacting DWED and asking for info on trained people near you. They can offer a lot of support. Hugs xx

 

[bickmops]

Generally you over eat because of sadness , it's a temporary fix to try and fill a gap in yourself , what about trying free foods chicken kebabs eggs and have a supply of free foods when you get the urge to eat so there's something there , it works for my son who will eat anything , it just takes quite a lot of being organised ! Your parents will help ! I've cooked bacon and eggs at 1 in the morning before becauses he's starving !!! Even after he's eat a 200 carb meal don't give up keep trying x x