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Type 2 needing to convince others I really am diabetic!

Discussion in 'Type 2 Diabetes' started by wend50, Jul 31, 2020.

  1. wend50

    wend50 Type 2 · Newbie

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    Hi all
    A neighbor and friend have commented that she doesn't believe I can be diabetic as I am on no medication as it is diet controlled. She says that I should not consider myself as vulnerable either ( in a COVID sense). I'm looking for someone to validate my situation and possibly give me some ideas on how to counter these statements without causing a rift between us. This is not the first time she has made these comments so I need new strategies as the old ones( telling her she's wrong and that I am diabetic) aren't working. Thank you x
     
  2. HSSS

    HSSS Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    She is wrong!

    Is she a nurse or dr? Does she have diabetes herself ? (If either is the case she needs updating!)

    what right has she to comment and really why does it matter what she thinks?

    the .gov website defines clinically vulnerable people which includes diabetics but if she doesn’t believe you have it that won’t help.
     
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  3. ert

    ert Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Oh, how awful for you. What was she expecting, a tattoo on your forehead? Where is her humanity? I think you need to give her a wide birth.
     
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  4. lucylocket61

    lucylocket61 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    remember that what she believes is immaterial. She is wrong. You are right. I dont counter such statements anymore, I ignore the statement and change the subject. Some people are just not willing to learn and its a waste of time trying to educate them. Save your energy and focus her on something else, like you would an annoying child stuck in the 'why' stage.
     
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  5. Brunneria

    Brunneria Other · Moderator
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    I don’t thinkI would bother chatting to someone once I had realised they were that ignorant/tactless.
    And I certainly wouldn’t be talking to her about my health!

    can you avoid her in future?
    I can go weeks at a time without having a proper conversation with my neighbours, which makes avoiding unwelcome conversations very easy :D
     
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  6. VashtiB

    VashtiB Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I agree with everyone else- practically speaking it is none of her business and you are unlikely to be able to convince of anything she doesn't want to believe in. I don't think it is worth your time really to try. You don't have to convince her to validate yourself. You know why you have certain way of eating and you know how the food you eat effects your blood sugar levels.

    In relation to the virus- I think that in one sense everyone should consider themselves vulnerable in that people should minimise as far as practical any activity which may spread the virus. But otherwise it is none of her business whether you are vulnerable and what steps you are taking.

    Good luck and remember- 'convince a man (or woman) against his will he's of the same opinion still'.
     
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  7. JohnEGreen

    JohnEGreen Other · Master

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    The rift already exists she is calling you a liar if I were you I would avoid her like the plague don't just change the subject change the person that is find some one else to talk to.
     
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  8. MrsA2

    MrsA2 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I find just comments are just hiding their jealousy or that they fear they can't control things as well as you can.
    I've lost weight since low carbing and the number of people who are snide about it amazes me until I realised they were just jealous.
     
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  9. Robbity

    Robbity Type 2 · Expert

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    Some friend that is, if she's calling you a liar...

    Personally I'd want nothing further to do with her if she has that attitude. And somehow I don't think you're likely to change her set-in-concrete opinions.
     
    #9 Robbity, Aug 1, 2020 at 12:05 AM
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2020
  10. Resurgam

    Resurgam Type 2 (in remission!) · Expert

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    I'd be really sarcastic I'm afraid.
    Being compliant with people who thought that they knew better is what got me so far into type two diabetes in the first place.
     
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  11. LaoDan

    LaoDan Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Sarcasm is totally my style! But in a way that makes their head overload, wondering if what I said is correct lol
     
  12. Tophat1900

    Tophat1900 Type 3c · Well-Known Member

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    You don't need to validate anything to ignorant people. End of story. Keep practicing what keeps you well.
     
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  13. AloeSvea

    AloeSvea Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I see that she is also your friend as well as your neighbour and you want to keep her friendship (and very handy that during lockdowns! :D. I am green with envy, @wend50!)

    It would be great if you could convince her, but as she is being so staunch, I would think there could be some strange underlying reason for her to be a diabetes-denier with you! What I have no idea, really. But, it could be because she doesn't want you to have a disease, and she doesn't want you to be vulnerable because it is too painful for her to contemplate (a common psychological thing after all - denial!).

    Easy enough then to deal with this? - don't bring it up? I know it's not the best, but at least this way you two will have more pleasant interactions? and you are supporting her weird denial and it's no skin off your nose - as long as you have others in your life who you can talk about your diabetes with, and now you have this forum and all of us in here. And - you can complain about her to us, and let some of the pressure off! :). You need to be happy too of course. (You could even tell her you had decided to support her denial in order to keep being friends with her and not dying of frustration in the meantime, and be quite open about it! And even have a special smile! That she will know is special for her in her denial.)
     
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  14. Nicole T

    Nicole T Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I never expected to see anyone gatekeep 'diabetes.' Is she diabetic herself, but reliant on medication for control? Or does she have someone close to her who is?

    Like many illnesses, it seems diabetes describes one specific symptom (elevated blood sugar) rather than the underlying cause. The different types of diabetes delve into the reasons behind it, but ultimately the umbrella definition is that your body isn't regulating its blood glucose properly, leading to unacceptably elevated levels unless controlled.

    If your physician has diagnosed diabetes using whatever the currently recognised criteria happen to be, you have diabetes. And you have it for life. Even if you get it under control with diet, you're 'in remission' rather than 'cured.'

    If you have access to a healthcare portal, you can probably pull up the test results that confirmed the condition. In your shoes, I'd print those out and wave them under my neighbour's nose. Maybe with some Google results to show that this confirms the diagnosis.

    Though she's probably right about Covid-19. If you have your diabetes well managed, and aren't suffering from complications, you're probably at no greater risk than someone who doesn't have it. But it's entirely up to you how seriously you take the threat of Covid-19 and whether you feel it's a sufficient danger for you to need to self-isolate.
     
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  15. wend50

    wend50 Type 2 · Newbie

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    Thank you everyone for your replies. I think I will try to distance myself from her and keep things on a less personal level. She doesn't understand the difference between prediabetes, and diabetes that is diet controlled. She frequently tries to give me biscuits or cake if we meet for a cup of tea saying one won't hurt. I clearly need to stick up for myself a little more and not allow her to trample on my feelings. I guess I'm feeling disappointed in her as we've known each other for 30 years. Thank you all for your concern and help - I'm so glad I posted this as I don't feel it's my fault any more now.
     
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  16. Perminder1

    Perminder1 · Well-Known Member

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    Do u care what she thinks
     
  17. MrsA2

    MrsA2 Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like she doesn't want you to be "ill" or "not normal " and doesn't know a better way of expressing her concern.
    My neighbour keeps plying me with biscuits too.. its such a social norm. Try taking some nuts or olives along and eating those instead of biscuits
     
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  18. KK123

    KK123 Type 1 · Well-Known Member

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    Hi @wend50, people are strange aren't they! I bet she wouldn't be encouraging a person with a nut allergy 'here, have a peanut'. She's your friend so I'm guessing there must be something about her that you like, you DO need to nip her comments in the bud so maybe think up some stock phrases and have them ready, 'If I eat carbs I become very ill/get stomach problems/feel dizzy' etc, or 'Mind your own business you nosy ...' (well maybe not the last one). Most people know nothing about diabetes but because it is misinterpreted by all and sundry in the media they THINK they are experts. It sounds like your friend is wanting you to eat cakes so she can justify having one herself, similar to people thrusting things on you when you're on a diet and they know they could lose a bit themselves. Be firm, don't fall out with her but don't allow her to make you feel bad either. x
     
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  19. Mr_Pot

    Mr_Pot Type 2 · Well-Known Member

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    I am not sure why you need to convince anybody that you are diabetic. If you don't want to eat cakes or biscuits just say "no thank you" politely but firmly. If your neighbour doesn't believe you are diabetic, that's up to her, I can't see that it affects you.
     
  20. Suz2

    Suz2 · Active Member

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    Refer her to reputable websites that can provide her with outside confirmation of what you are telling her.You're her friend, maybe she would respond better to websites that have commentary from doctors, nurses, other health professionals.

    I had the same problem in the beginning when I was diet controlled. Some of my friends also dismissed the seriousness of type 2 diabetes because I wasn't on medication or because I didn't take insulin.

    Sorry your friend is being difficult, but she can be educated (I hope).
     
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