all is not well

[Lamont D]

It's a week before my urology appointment and I am falling apart mentally. I need to keep strong for the appointment and to rest and eat. I keep crying and going shaky. It's not due to blood sugar levels, they are reasonably ok. I don't know what set this off. Vibes welcome.

as you know, my life fell apart, a while ago.
I have so many people to thank that got me through it. Including yourself and others on this wonderful site.
some of those positive postings and advice are now included in my thoughts for you.
it's not easy, it isn't straightforward and it won't go away quickly,
it will come around quickly, it might not seem so, but it will.
my quick advice is to talk. Anyone! It doesn't matter what or who you **** off, get it out of your head, and out in the open. Frustration is what is fueling your anxiety, you need to get that out.
Have a good winge, talk, scream, anything that might alleviate your thought process.
I know you can't do much, but a little bit can be used to help.

Talk!

Or post your frustrations on here.

Using this forum helped me.

Do you remember some of my long posts?

I'm going there again!

Be positive, talk!

my thoughts and prayers are with you!

 

[Lainie71]

as you know, my life fell apart, a while ago.
I have so many people to thank that got me through it. Including yourself and others on this wonderful site.
some of those positive postings and advice are now included in my thoughts for you.
it's not easy, it isn't straightforward and it won't go away quickly,
it will come around quickly, it might not seem so, but it will.
my quick advice is to talk. Anyone! It doesn't matter what or who you **** off, get it out of your head, and out in the open. Frustration is what is fueling your anxiety, you need to get that out.
Have a good winge, talk, scream, anything that might alleviate your thought process.
I know you can't do much, but a little bit can be used to help.

Talk!

Or post your frustrations on here.

Using this forum helped me.

Do you remember some of my long posts?

I'm going there again!

Be positive, talk!

my thoughts and prayers are with you!

I could not agree with you more xxx

 

[MrsA2]

Of course there is support for you on here.
You have been such a tremendous support to so many on here that its a pleasure to return the favour.

My only difficulty is knowing what type of support you want.
Do you want to be told it will all be alright, or to put your big girl pants on, or do you need virtual hugs and links to meditation for example?
Probably all of them at different times Just let me know what and when.

As to the crying, you have been under enormous stress for many years with your caring responsibilities and your diabetes and heaven knows what else. And you’ve held it all in and all together so is it so terrible that you have a time of release and letting it all out? Acknowledge that you are in frightening and uncertain times, but know that you will come through. The crying will stop, you've had a huge amount of emotion to release . When it's gone you will be able to think more clearly.

Lainie71 #218 comment was so true

Hugs


Edited to add refernce

 

[lucylocket61]

I don't know what kind of support I want. Just to know I am not alone. Virtual hugs help, as does shared experiences, reassurance that I am not being a coward or overreacting. Definitely not being told to pull myself together and put my big girl panties on. The support you are all giving me is great. I appreciate the practical suggestions too. I also need to be told if I am catastropizing, as my imagination easily runs away with me, and I lose my sense of perspective and logic.

Any ideas on how to rein in my imagination are welcome too.xxx

 

[MrsA2]

Any ideas on how to rein in my imagination are welcome too.xxx

The equivalent of turning imagination off is meditation/mindfulness/relaxation techniques.
I like some of the sessions on an app called Insight Timer. There are thousands so usually I pick a couple of key words and the time I have and see what comes up. E.g "10 minutes anxiety overeating"
Can take some time to get used to letting them wash over you while turning your own thoughts off but so worth doing.
I think there's some on the NHS site too, and loads other places
Just don't expect perfection first time, but you will start to see improvements in the length of time over a few days.
Hope it helps

Edited for typos as usual!

 

[Antje77]

Vibes, virtual hugs and a very strong assurance that you're not a coward coming your way!

And I'd like to echo @AndBreathe here, definitely worth thinking about.
Having some well deserved rest with a little chemical help could help you a lot with being prepared for your scary appointment,

Lucy have you spoke with your GP bout your anxiety levels? I wonder if there is anything he/she could offer you on a temporary basis.

 

[Lamont D]

Hi @lucylocket61 ,
For me destressing helps me overcome my anxiety, I go to my place where I'm comfortable with, where outside thoughts don't come to go the fore. And there I can either watch television, listen to my tunes, read, come on here, have a look around the interweb, phone my family, friends, neighbours. I find a game or crossword, puzzle and my secret weapon is doing jigsaws.
Or all of them at once!
We all know that men can't accomplish more than one thing at a time, all I'm no different and I try and sometimes, well, once in a while I win.
But what these distractions do, is take your mind off things.
I love to sing along with my tunes, shocking voice, but it you can imagine that my voice is like a strangled cat, the council have been around!!!! But just trying to sing like Smokey Robinson, the conscious thought of staying in tune (ha!) And getting the lyrics right, takes your mind away from the anxiety.
Another suggestion is walking, no matter how far or if able, just getting ready, just getting out, seeing nature or the concrete, the not so fresh air, bring your tunes with you. I have walked all my life, getting away from your worries does help and you can put those big girlie pants on. Wish I had a pair in this weather?
Whatever you do, you do need to organise your day, but doing something you might enjoy doing, no matter how silly, will help you in some way!
Talking, do something daft, get your head into a book and so on, if you can, walk, sing, dance!

There is nothing you can't do!
These are tools you can use!
Knitting was my last choice for occupying your brain, another secret of mine!
Then again a bit of wacky baccie, (nod, nod, wink, wink!)
Don't mention the jigsaw to anyone ok?
My best wishes.
My thoughts and prayers.
Sending virtual hugs.

long post again! I can't help myself (Four Tops)

 

[jjraak]

Hi @lucylocket61 .

Hugs for all the worries.
Never easy to set a busy mind to rest.

Lots of sensible advice above.

Two things from me.

Had to have PTSD counselling.

Rather upsetting rehashing the moment

One thing I was asked to do was to 'calm & centre myself' after any breakdown during a session.

We stopped as I gathered myself .
I was then asked to ...
Sit still
Close my eyes
Breathe in a calm controlled fashion.
And concentrate.

Then describe out loud.

5 sensations I could feel.
(Shoes on my feet, warmth through the window, breeze from doorway, type things.)

5 things I could smell.
(A piece of toast, the tea in front of me, the aftershave I put on earlier)

And 5 things I could hear.
(The birds in the trees, a leaf blower, a jet plane flying above)

All that took a little while.

And all that had my mind focused on the tasks not the trauma.
And after just those few minutes I felt calmer & more in control of myself.

Living in the 'now' I think it's referred to.

I felt very calm, especially when I was listening.

All my sensations felt heightened, though it's more then likely they weren't
I was just taking time to notice, them better.

I still use it when I get such intrusive thoughts

For my 2nd offering

I have always believed tears are protection & a poison.

The tears are there so we can leak out the pain inside that otherwise builds up into an uncontrolled explosion of some sorts....

So they are very protective for us.

The poison parts is where those who can't or suppress that emotional outlet .

It corrodes us emotionally until it comes out at some point

Better to manage the release, then bottle it up and await the 'explosion' later on.

So crying is GOOD.


Now add to that , you, me,we, everyone goes into battle in many ways in life.

Yours is specific at the moment .

Maybe see the tears as positive ?
Because at this moment in time you're preparing for the next part of your battle.

Unlike many, you've now managed to unburdened yourself of the tears, like a boxer limbering up on way to the ring or once in the ring taking off their robe.

You're now preparing for the fight.
To do battle with the visit, the anxiety, the unknown outcome.

Those tears and their release are your bodies way of shedding emotional weight, and maybe allowing You the best opportunity to handle yourself, however the visit goes, to the best of your ability.

So tears ?..so blooming normal.

Not ashamed to say I cried.

So you have my empathy & respect for how well you're handling this...even if at time you think you aren't ....( ps..You ARE )

Best wishes the path ahead eases soon.

 

[AndBreathe]

Vibes, virtual hugs and a very strong assurance that you're not a coward coming your way!

And I'd like to echo @AndBreathe here, definitely worth thinking about.
Having some well deserved rest with a little chemical help could help you a lot with being prepared for your scary appointment,

Well, I think we’ve all had a time (or times) in our lives when we’d like to retort, ,……”OK, you try that Keep Calm and Carry On twaddle in my situation!” With or without expletives.

 

[VashtiB]

I couldn't agree more with @jjraak

I also suffer from anxiety and was also given that exercise to try. I'm not great at doing it but do find it helpful.

When my life felt like it was falling apart immediately after diagnosis you were one of the people that helped me a lot. You will never really comprehend how much help you have given people on this site alone let alone in the rest of your life. That is just one reason we are all so privileged to be in a position to offer support.

You are definitely not being a coward or over reacting. You have been dealt a **** hand and are managing it as best as possible.

Just be assured that many many people here have you in their thoughts and prayers and are absolutely willing to hang around virtually giving whatever support they can!

 

[lucylocket61]

I couldn't agree more with @jjraak

I also suffer from anxiety and was also given that exercise to try. I'm not great at doing it but do find it helpful.

When my life felt like it was falling apart immediately after diagnosis you were one of the people that helped me a lot. You will never really comprehend how much help you have given people on this site alone let alone in the rest of your life. That is just one reason we are all so privileged to be in a position to offer support.

You are definitely not being a coward or over reacting. You have been dealt a **** hand and are managing it as best as possible.

Just be assured that many many people here have you in their thoughts and prayers and are absolutely willing to hang around virtually giving whatever support they can!

Thank you. Your words mean a lot to me. X

 

[Lainie71]

Hi @lucylocket61 .

Hugs for all the worries.
Never easy to set a busy mind to rest.

Lots of sensible advice above.

Two things from me.

Had to have PTSD counselling.

Rather upsetting rehashing the moment

One thing I was asked to do was to 'calm & centre myself' after any breakdown during a session.

We stopped as I gathered myself .
I was then asked to ...
Sit still
Close my eyes
Breathe in a calm controlled fashion.
And concentrate.

Then describe out loud.

5 sensations I could feel.
(Shoes on my feet, warmth through the window, breeze from doorway, type things.)

5 things I could smell.
(A piece of toast, the tea in front of me, the aftershave I put on earlier)

And 5 things I could hear.
(The birds in the trees, a leaf blower, a jet plane flying above)

All that took a little while.

And all that had my mind focused on the tasks not the trauma.
And after just those few minutes I felt calmer & more in control of myself.

Living in the 'now' I think it's referred to.

I felt very calm, especially when I was listening.

All my sensations felt heightened, though it's more then likely they weren't
I was just taking time to notice, them better.

I still use it when I get such intrusive thoughts

For my 2nd offering

I have always believed tears are protection & a poison.

The tears are there so we can leak out the pain inside that otherwise builds up into an uncontrolled explosion of some sorts....

So they are very protective for us.

The poison parts is where those who can't or suppress that emotional outlet .

It corrodes us emotionally until it comes out at some point

Better to manage the release, then bottle it up and await the 'explosion' later on.

So crying is GOOD.


Now add to that , you, me,we, everyone goes into battle in many ways in life.

Yours is specific at the moment .

Maybe see the tears as positive ?
Because at this moment in time you're preparing for the next part of your battle.

Unlike many, you've now managed to unburdened yourself of the tears, like a boxer limbering up on way to the ring or once in the ring taking off their robe.

You're now preparing for the fight.
To do battle with the visit, the anxiety, the unknown outcome.

Those tears and their release are your bodies way of shedding emotional weight, and maybe allowing You the best opportunity to handle yourself, however the visit goes, to the best of your ability.

So tears ?..so blooming normal.

Not ashamed to say I cried.

So you have my empathy & respect for how well you're handling this...even if at time you think you aren't ....( ps..You ARE )

Best wishes the path ahead eases soon.

PTSD is horrid - I am still waiting for some type of counselling regarding ptsd yet another affliction of my problems

 

[jjraak]

PTSD is horrid - I am still waiting for some type of counselling regarding ptsd yet another affliction of my problems

Agree...and warmest of hugs.

I had to wait a few months.
But it was very helpful.

Hope you get the attention you need as soon as possible.

 

[Aishia]

I was just thinking now. What about EFT Tapping. EFT(Emotional Freedom Tecknique) based on the same principles as acupuncture.It's something you can do yourself.by using your fingertips to tap on a specific sequence of acupuncture points.Supposed to be good for anxiety depression, physical pain even PTSD.
There are lots of different sites to choose from. There are about 9 points to press on and most sites have a diagram to locate the points. They are mostly round the face.
If you do decide to try it, it would be something that you could start at home yourself and not having to wait for any
appointment.

 

[JoKalsbeek]

I always demand and expect far more from myself than I do of others.

Thanks for the reminder. I will try to remember and be kind to myself x

Since I'm quite late to all this, and far away to boot, yeah... As I can't drop in with groceries and a hug or whatnot, it'd be quite convenient if you could up the self-care and self-love up a notch, to compensate for everything we'd want to do for you on here, but can't. Be good to yourself please.... I know very few people who deserve only good things more than you do, so all this.... ****. Big hugs. You're being thought of.

 

[lucylocket61]

My urology appointment is on Friday. I am scared. I keep crying, which is probably good as I have not been able to cry for a while. I don't want this to be true. I don't want to have an operation, but I must. I want it to all Go Away.

I don't consider myself to be a coward generally, but this feels like too much to accept. There must be cancer survivors, but media is all about terminal cancer and suffering. I find medical stuff terrifying when it happens to me.

I don't expect solutions, just sharing what is going on with me xxx

 

[Antje77]

I don't expect solutions, just sharing what is going on with me xxx

Hang in there, you're right, it IS scary as ****.
Thinking of you, and like many others, I wish I could lighten the burden a bit for you.

 

[zand]

I was just thinking now. What about EFT Tapping. EFT(Emotional Freedom Tecknique) based on the same principles as acupuncture.It's something you can do yourself.by using your fingertips to tap on a specific sequence of acupuncture points.Supposed to be good for anxiety depression, physical pain even PTSD.
There are lots of different sites to choose from. There are about 9 points to press on and most sites have a diagram to locate the points. They are mostly round the face.
If you do decide to try it, it would be something that you could start at home yourself and not having to wait for any
appointment.

Yes, I've used EFT. It helped me with stress and PTSD

This might help you with the feelings you are experiencing right now @lucylocket61
Starting with something like 'Even though I am scared I love and accept myself'

 

[HSSS]

Being scared does not make you a coward!! It makes you human.

 

[Outlier]

Being scared is a perfectly reasonable response. We are all around you, holding your hands, arm round your shoulders, hugs if you like them, empathy, company, whatever you need.