Hi
@bumblebee95, As an insulin-taker for 52 years, not as professional advice or opinion:
As daft as this sounds, the
Chinese word for crisis is also the word for opportunity!
It sounds like you have reached the lowest point in your life - rock bottom. But you have reached out for help.
You know that you are at a crisis point but you have not given up completely.
You say that you have nothing to give the world - but
you have a story - one that you are struggling with - guilt, shame, fear for the future, loss of hope - but a number of us here on site have reversed the complications of diabetes. It is possible.
The damage was not permanent,
they found a second chance.
You also have abilities, talents which for whatever reason have not yet appeared, or which have lacked for the chance for them to sprout and grow. I have known people feeling down and out, who have the greatest ability to use swear words. Yes, that is a talent. Some go into a life of comedy, others find they are good with certain people and work in nursing homes, youth groups and so on. These second chances and hidden talents are where crisis meets opportunity.
If you would like
written proof, read book or e-book 'Dr Bernstein's Diabetes Solution' where he describes his own battle with diabetes, and his way as a Type 1 diabetic of getting and keeping things under control and reversing his kidney, eye and neuropathy-in -his-feet problems. He started out an engineer and ended up a doctor.
And others here and elsewhere have benefited from his work and advice. No one is saying his is the only way but he sets a great example of what is possible.
No one is saying it is easy street but it is possible, in his case even without an insulin pump and he is past 65 years on insulin !!
Nothing is more precious in our world than children. You mention that you wonder if you will ever be a mother.
Perhaps your own mother may have wondered at some stage in her life about whether she would ever be a mother, although not necessarily for the same reasons.
By seeking help you have the opportunity to hear how other diabetic women feel about motherhood, about pregnancy and so on.
Do you have any
diabuddies, know other T1Ds about your age? People you could talk with, be supportive of each other?
Other support, whether family, friends, healthcare providers?
We all need a support network, and be prepared to rebuild it if somehow we have cheesed some of them off.
And we cannot change the past - the mistakes, the defeats, as well as the victories and wins. Worry of the past can steal our present away. We can learn from mistakes, we can try to make good whether it be with re-establishing a friendship, getting BSLs better, or finding a course in something we are interested in but never got around to.
Regret can eat away at us, whereas doing somethings to change helps us grow, heal - healing the past, living in the present (the here and now) and allowing the future the best chance to blossom.
I used to think that I had to make the present and future perfect otherwise why bother?.
A friend sorted me out right proper. Cheeky sod he was!!
He said: In the future, even a weed growing and covered with flowers is better than a burnt firepit.
The better weeds can come later !! (nobody, just nobody had had a go at my superb artwork like that0!!!
As that 'sod' above also illustrated:
humour is a good medicine. Yes, used carefully. And the ability to laugh rather than cry about one's past (the parts that are not absolutely, unspeakably rotten and dastardly!!!) and about one's self, is healing also.
That may be difficult right at the moment but as a sign of healing it will appear along the way.
Time to wind up - the moderators should set me a word limit)!!
Tell us 5 things you or someone else had said your are good at. Anything.
I shall 'fess up 5 too, and maybe others will too. umm..will 'fess up 5 too (to, two) English language mumble, mumble !!
Listen to what other say, and offer. Find what resonates, vibes with you.
Best wishes and please keep posting - you are precious, unique. Hang on to yourself, others for help and life.
.............................................................................Nothing is impossible
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