not sure whether I should be offended or not

[dizzyrj]

Friday at college, my lecturer decided to bring in some marshmallows & other sweets for everyone. Then went to me
"YOUR NOT ALLOWED ANY AS YOU ARE A DIABETIC."
I actually felt really offended by what she said. I actually feel inclined to make that decision and adjust my own insulin dose to counteract the god knows how much sugar there are in them. If I have a hyper or hypo from them that is my own fault.

I actually feel like I should make a complaint against her to the college as it really upset me and things don't normally do.

am I over reacting?

 

[mo1905]

Hi, may not be what you want to hear but she probably thought she was doing the right thing. I wasn't there so can't make a decision if she said it maliciously or not but I would bet the majority of the public are not aware you can adjust insulin dose to allow for things like marshmellow. Rather than a formal complaint, possibly a quiet word in her ear would be a better idea ?


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[Geocacher]

I don't think you are overreacting. If the lecturer knew before hand that you are diabetic then an alternative to the sweets should have been offered so that you weren't excluded.

You have every right to make a complaint. Personally, I would tell the lecturer how I felt about the incident and if I didn't get an immediate apology I would make a complaint at that point.

I tend to work on the principle that most people don't know what it is to be diabetic, and if they do or say something insensitive then they need to learn a better way to deal with it. If that doesn't work, then plan B is to take it up a level and make a complaint to management. There have been a few occasions when I've been offended enough that I felt making a complaint was the only option, sometimes that is a better way to deal with someone who is unlikely to listen to reason.

 

[weeezer]

That would really get my goat too. It's easy to be offended, I feel the same, it's my choice and decision. It's quite simple (ok, not always...but, in principle) as a type 1 to assess the amount of carbs and administer the right amount of insulin for it. But it took me years to discover that, I too would have thought I 'couldn't/shouldn't certain things.

Remember we only know so much about the darn disease and how to counter such situations because we have the experience...'outsiders' don't!

If anyone says that to me, I simply tell them that actually, I can have whatever I choose, even 3 sugars in my tea if I want (I don't btw!) and that as long as I put the insulin in, its covered. Admittedly this philosophy sits easier with me now I use a pump and doesn't involve lots of jabs.

Her comments were coming from ignorance, why not use this experience to enlighten her? Rather than putting in a complaint, you could approach her directly and just explain how it works. And that no matter what type of diabetes, it is up to the individual to choose what they eat. I would say how embarrassing it is when you are singled out, and explain it is totally unnecessary in this modern enlightened age!

I love it when I get an opportunity to explain...it reaffirms to me that I am 'normal' and able to choose and that it isn't 'naughty' to eat a biscuit (as long as I bolus!).


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[punto53]

It happened to me a short time ago in my workplace I was upset but told this individual that yes I was diabetic but if I really wanted a piece of cake or a biscuit I would have one! I did not need to be reminded on or at anytime that I must not eat this or that ....
My taste buds have changed and that I now don't need all that chocolate and sugar !!!! Don't let them see you get upset they then know they have won. My work mate is better now I've spoken out just let them know how you feel!! Its good

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[dizzyrj]

I will chat to her tomorrow and if she is being ignorant and not listening, a full formal complaint will go in.

I really do not like being reminded I had diabetes every single day.

I don't want to be suing as there is too much paper work. I know as I am in the process of it from when I was knocked off my motorbike when I was waiting at a roundabout

 

[punto53]

Well good luck and hope she listens!

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[Riri]

I think she was being insensitive but possible not malicious (but obviously can't say that for sure as we don't know her). I think if she'd have said that and at the back of it said 'but I do have some fruit (or something) for you' I would have felt differently as although she would have brought up diabetes she would have been thinking of you.

 

[dizzyrj]

I am not entirely sure, Either I was having a day where stupid things where going to get to me or what.
I will have a quiet word though as I don't feel instantly going all guns blazing to management should be the first thing

Hopefully she will understand that it upset me and that she will think about what she is saying next time

 

[equipoise]

I am not entirely sure, Either I was having a day where stupid things where going to get to me or what.
I will have a quiet word though as I don't feel instantly going all guns blazing to management should be the first thing

Hopefully she will understand that it upset me and that she will think about what she is saying next time

I think you're exactly right to go for a quiet word first. It gives her the chance to apologize without losing face, and if the main aim is to make sure that she learns not to do it again then everyone is a winner. Formal complaints should ideally be the final resort, and always cause more stress for everyone. And we diabetics don't need stress!

 

[Kat100]

AI quiet chat is a good tool to educate with. As a new t2 myself I have a lot to learn so I can only guess how hard it is for others to be knowledgeable on such a huge subject.....a few months ago I thought I could never have any sugar....it can all be very confusing ....life is to short I think for stress....good luck sure you will get things sorted.

 

[QasimH]

Sounds bad :-( I guess many people are uneducated about diabetes .. Before I was diabetic I did not realise how hard diabetics have it. I guess as diabetics we must educate people about the condition. P.s. we can treat ourselves from time to time with a little treat


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[martwolves]

Look at it another way. If they offered you somethimg sugary and you rejected it, then the lecturer can't really win. At least they remembered you are diabetic. I'm honestly not convinced that they tried to upset you or single you out, in fact they probably thought they were looking out for you. I'm sure a polite word would do to put your mind at rest in future. I'm sure you're big enough to make your own decisions. Good luck.

 

[LittleWolf]

Well that's kinda mean. Did they really say it as boldly as you typed it?

I'm usually the one to say see it from the other point of view but if she clearly know you couldn't have the sugary goodness, then could have got you a sugar free alternative. Though yeah from what I hear and the **** I see my Mr T1 eat, you can get way with almost anything is you dose accordingly. That's cheating lol

I think that was a little insensitive, but maybe the lecturer forgot when they bought the sugary things and it just came across/came out wrong?

 

[dizzyrj]

I had a quiet word with her today, Unfortunately did not go very well
She was like "I have family who are diabetic and they are not allowed sweets or sugary things at all"
and wouldn't listen to me at all even when I said, I am able to adjust my insulin doses to what I have eaten and announced this all out to the rest of the class

Well looks like I will have to make a formal complaint as she is was completely rude and non caring. Considering this is a health & social care course this is completely the behaviour I would not expect from someone.

No wonder I don't like other human beings

 

[QasimH]

Hi diz,

I'm sorry to hear that and quite frankly appalled by her lack of consideration, each diabetic person is different. It reminds me of a tim during one of my Uni exams I left the room due to feeling ill maybe an hypo so I sat outside the room and began to eat and sort myself out the invigilator who is a lecturer at the uni came out and started shouting at me something a long the lines of "what do you think you are doing? ... I felt upset and did not want to return to the exam but lucky for me a member of staff who knew about my condition came over and explained ... Thank God for her... After the exam the lecturer was like I have a niece who is diabetic and she tried using the excuse that she was not informed. After that I made sure that nothing like that would happen again.

Whatever you decide to do you have got our support :--)


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[Mr Happy]

The fact that she is ignorant of her own family suggests she is not a particularly caring person.

Be calm and specific with the complaint though, don't let the rage take hold. For me, your two causes of complaint should be:

1. Being singled out in a discriminatory fashion, not sure how open you are with your illness but it Is still yours to own and speak about.

2. Related to your course- surely she should have more awareness of diabetes and surely she should be aware of the social impact of discussing it without permission.



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[mo1905]

Good luck with your complaint. Shame the quiet word didn't work too well. Just think about what you want the outcome of all this to be ! Is it an apology or more ? Sometimes, things like this can get out of hand and snowball. Not trying to put you off but just think all possible outcomes through.


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[dizzyrj]

I am just after an apology & just make sure that she thinks before she speaks.

I am not in the mood to sue as
1. too much paperwork
2. silly thing to be suing about. Apology just needed

Hopefully the college will take this seriously

 

[QasimH]

I would suggest write a letter of complaint highlighting all your concerns and worries at least like that you do not need to constantly talk about it. Hopefully you can get it sorted soon as get the apology you deserve


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